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8/19/2015 c1 1Flaming Man of Iron
Nice chapter - I'm getting back into Mage since M20 is immanently coming out.

The one changed I would recommend making is the "wicked grin" or "grinning wickedly" which I suspect is a phrase of the time and now in 2015 is just completely overused to the point of cliche.
3/21/2015 c1 Warpwind
how did that guy survive in WoD? For one, he didn't even attempt anything remotely coincidental. Secondly, if he had Correspondence 3 and was willing to use vulgar, why fight at all? He could have just teleported to the sanctum.
2/8/2010 c1 Blind Guardian
I hope that oneday,you will start writing again.
2/20/2009 c22 Bien Canonizado
Good work! Nice to see an update after so long!
2/1/2009 c6 pacificuser
Man, I wish you would please update soon, this story has so much potential!
11/29/2008 c11 Bien Canonizado
Hey there! How are you? Still alive? I know that this is free stuff, but when are you going to update again? Please? Please?
9/12/2008 c21 pacificuser
Great an update!
9/11/2008 c20 pacificuser
Hello! My Name is Bien Canonizado,I'm a visually-disabled (blind) graduate student from the Philippines. Just dropped by to express my admiration for your

writing-style... You are possibly one of the most skilled web-based authors that I have encountered in my time as a fanatic of fantasy/science fiction.

You should really try to finish your stories,specially this particular one that I am reviewing right now.

I am re-posting this review cause my old post was erased when some one hacked my old account.

You know,your writing means very much to me,recently

I just lost my sense of sight;and quite honestly it has been so hard adjusting to a life without being able to pick-up another printed book. Currently,I

depend on my computer to read stories to me on-line,this is with the help of a screen-reading program. And let me tell you,ever since I discovered fan-fiction

I couldn't stop reading your great stories! Please understand,your stories give me the strength to continue... (I'll not dwell on that fact too much.)

I believe your talents are a God-given gift so that you may bring happiness to those who value this particular genre.

So, Please, Please, Please, Please... Do not give up on this story...

Update faster!

My only wish is if you could make your chapters longer,I think the reader would have an easier time if the story were written in a few long chapters,rather than several short parts.

At least each chapter should be 3,0 words long for better continuity.

Easier for us to follow if we did not have to back-track so often because of short chapters. I hope that you will one day decide

to once-again write. Please don't give up...

I hope that you will reply,because it was very hard for me to write this review since I am hoping that you will notice this short letter out of all the others that you get.

Please do not think that I am just spammer,cause I am serious when I make this request.

If you wish to reply, please do not use the reply feature of this website,

instead please kindly send your comments to my e-mail

It is written below with spaces and with the symbols spelled-out to avoid spammers.

(Bienvenido S. Canonizado)

Phone number:+63917-433-8194

Electronic mail:f e n r i s (at) p r i m e (dot) n e t(dot) p h

"There are more things in heaven and earth Horatio,then are dreamt of in your Philosophy..."
9/11/2008 c1 pacificuser
Nice!
8/17/2007 c1 Raging Avatar
Truly wonderful. I give it five stars!
5/14/2005 c10 3Nightlit
Well...um rather short and un interesting actually. Introduucing a new character I see, I wonder what is going to happen with him? Thats all I really can do, since nothing much happened. Hope the next chapter is more interesting. Keep up the good work.

Nightlit
5/8/2005 c2 Nightlit
I like this so far, ypou seem to have a good grasp on the spheres and the characters are interesting (although the college students seem a tad cliche). Something you might want to consider is how the maes feel their paradox. As each mage is generally aware of their paradox (at least as it is described) in a specific way. Putting that in could be an interesitng way to make it apparent without being aparrent. You wouldn't even have to describe that it is paradox just describe the feelongs and make it well...

Oh and I did the calculations in my head (becuse I'm crazy that way) and unles you use direastically different paradox rules than in the books, Dan should have like 11 paradox from just that scene alone (ESPECIALLY from teleporting the kids, can we say Vulgar with witnesses? Unless they are already awakended...which seems unlikeley to me).

Still, I liked it, and my suggestions for paradox may become moot after i read the later chapters. Still, I will keep readin gna coommenting as i read.

Oh and sorry about the typos in this review... I am tired right now.

Nightlit
4/6/2005 c6 cadazar
dude, i friggin hate you... i like this story and you HAVE NOT UPDATED IN 5 MONTHS! Please?

That address you have in chapter one doesnt work by the way...
10/11/2004 c3 8irenadel
Yay! Chapter Three is up!

To begin with I am glad to finally find the plot shaping up, it helps me read faster. Second, I really liked the example of the flame, ah my friend but you manage to make some very beautiful comparisons.

Other than that I get the slight bad vibe that you are stereotyping very much. I understand that it is part of the story and of course the whole theme of Mage: The Ascension. Every man is a mage, every woman likewise. But part of it is going into the individualities of each stereotype, of burrowing into it and taking out the individual.

Why are Hal and Collin and Rich such a jocks? How did they ever become friends with Mirvin? Because they are friends. What is the relationship? You've just gone superficially though it and I know this is more a sort of action story but, mechanics in the character's relationships help to enhance any story. They help make it better.

Just another thing, "Kristyna"? What is wrong with the usual spelling of the name Christina? Mr. Gaston Leroux used it in the Phantom of the Opera... just honestly, WHY are you changing the spelling like that?

You had a few grammar errors like confusing "except" with "accept" and a few sentence fragments dangling. I suggest you reread and repost.

-

"Have you seen how reviewless the WoD section is? Help your fandom, donate a review!"
10/7/2004 c2 irenadel
Exciting story, I'd like to see more of it.

You have quite a good grammar and spelling. You are clear and concise in your physical descriptions and make them easier to follow. I loved how you personalized the Spheres for Daniel, with all that mention of kinetic energy and momentum.

What I think you are lacking in is atmosphere building in the prologue. You jump to quickly into the an action scene which you could have made a lot shorter. There seem to be small hints you want the reader to take about Daniel. expand them instead of the action.

Another questions... o_O where's the Paradox? I missed her xD.

Anyway, you are doing good so keep it up, I'd like to see the rest of this story.

"Have you seen how reviewless the WoD section is? Help your fandom, donate a review!"
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