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8/21/2016 c5 The Story Teller Sentinel
Hey, this story is really cool. Love Ayano's character and her interaction with the Wanijima personalities.
-TSTS
4/2/2015 c3 Guest
Plz hurry and update!
3/29/2015 c3 Kaito
Not bad. Lots better. Just proofread everything or grammar nazis like me will jump your butt.
3/29/2015 c3 The Story Teller Sentinel
This is a really fantastic story and has an interesting plot. Good job! :)
3/14/2015 c1 Rman385
Look, you have a great story here. And the story teller is even better. Look, I'm no expert on this but I have realized that most animes and mangas, at this point already have like a secondary plot starting to form. Like a storyline within the storyline, if you will. Things that, while not crucial to the plot, do affect it and influence it. Try and think of a second goal that you want your characters to accomplish. I know that I probably should have put this on the second chapter, but regardless, you have a great story here. Don't give up on it, and if you do, I'll kick your ass. I'd really hate to see a good story like this to go to waste. A quick note: the secondary plot should be more up in the readers face, if you will. Alternate between the two, and when you use your secondary, make it so that the reader forgets about your main story and concentrates on it. Then jerk your reader back to the original main story and after a while, sorta ease in to the other. I think it'd be more effective. Don't disappoint me. Your sort is already kick-ass. Try and make it even better!

With tons of admiration (and jealousy at your skill as a writer), and filled with hope in your continuing of this fanfic,
Kaito Akiyama
3/12/2015 c2 Guest
This is absolutely awesome. Please keep writing!
3/12/2015 c1 Guest
Holy freaking crap this is awesome!
1/28/2015 c1 8WhiplashKotestu
Great chapter, the ending was nice.

XD and is it wring that when I read Pitbul I thought of the rapper! Anyway great so far! Look forward to the next one!

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