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12/5/2019 c8 kainono
Usually a music helps me see a scene in my head, but this time reading the scene actually gave the music instead. No idea how fitting it is, but I can't imagine Numa's scene in the slaver's den with anything but Down with the sickness, by Disturbed. Starting when she first feel the girl-slave.

You know, at first I was thinking that I had read Panlie wrong, but now that I think about it it was Daniel that was the problem. Panlie is still being 100% Jedi, Daniel on the other hand not so much. I guess I got too excited about sneaky Jedi to notice it before. Still liking Panlie though, even if he is 100% Jedi.

Also I feel a bit bad for Numa. The first time she let her hair down in a long time and she gets fucked royally because of it. I mean, yeah, doing that in Nar Shaddaa is not the smartest idea, but still...
12/5/2019 c7 kainono
Okay, first things first: your emotional manipulation will not work on me, Sloth! I was already going to leave a review. Ha! Take that! (you are the prettiest eldritch abomination that I know, tho).

Now, onto the chapter.
Not gonna lie, I had to take a second to let my brain absorb the fact that Taral used lightning it a piece of metal inside his chest. Just... I can fully understand his master's disappointment...

And I got my answer about his condition, but not really. I *think* his Mistress and his Master are different people, but am not sure. Also how goddam powerful you have to be to just turn someone into a force wound like that? That whole dream sequence was confusing.
Oh, and let me guess, "Mischa is just the name of his favorite blaster"? Tsk. Tsk.

And finally: I knew, the moment that she went with the twins, that Numa was screwed. That's what happens when you put a traditional Jedi on Nar Shaddaa.

ps: fucking hell I just can't get over the stupidity of using lightning with a huge goddam piece of metal inside you *shakes head*
12/5/2019 c6 kainono
Oh, sneaky Jedi! Me likes it. Usually I dislike jedi because Lawful/Good, but being Lawful/Good sneakily can be fun.

Also really like smart-Numa (or should it be unbiased-Numa?) calling Taral on his BS.

I had forgotten that force wounds were created, not something from birth. Now I am really intrigued about how Taral became one, and if it's related to the "Queen".
12/5/2019 c5 kainono
Okay, this was a *really* nice chapter. I could almost see the board being slowly set with each piece. Well done.

I have a question: is Undien a bit totalitarian or just overzealous? At first I thought he was just another shade of the catguy (Kenirr), but his concern with innocents has me a bit confused (not sure if "confused" is the right word).

Also, so much foreshadowing I almost had to break out the flashlights to read this one :D
12/4/2019 c4 kainono
Ah, remember when I commented about getting back into reading? Good times.

Anyway, on to this chapter. Gotta say, as much as I wanted to see Taral get his ass kicked I would have preferred that it wasn't Panlie. Tokare would be best, this way when we got the Training Montage and the second round having Taral kick his ass would be awesome. With Panlie even if Taral won (HA!) it would feel like kicking a puppy. Just wrong.
But that's fine, at least we got to watch Taral get a much deserved asskicking (even if I *really* like him, he is still an asshole).
Also, after a year of following politics I have a new found respect for Penaria. Give the woman all the alderaanian wine she wants, 'cus she is a real trooper.
9/8/2019 c7 Ase Of SpADeZ
Very pretty and very good writer!
5/13/2019 c7 2DerelictTyrant
You're very pretty SLotH4!

In all seriousness, cool that someone is writing SW fanfiction that is outside of the usual timelines and tropes we have all seen.
Keep going!
8/3/2018 c3 kainono
Finally (FINALLY!) I got to sit down and read this (I really need to get my reading habit back) and I am glad I decided to give it a proper read instead of my initial "read" (more like a glace really). At first, I was thinking "Numa is kinda dumb isn't she?" But after reading it properly I can see why she was so eager to trust Taral, she wanted to believe that Tokare was the bad guy to confirm her belief that only the Jedi from the order are the good/right guys.
Also, Taral is an ass, the exposed crystal is cool as heck.
One last thing: "that's just the name he gave his lightsaber." Yeah, right. You ain't fooling no one with that one Sloth _
7/31/2018 c1 RevJohn1171
Huh. A story set in Rangermike's universe? Sign me up!. On that note - you mentioned at the start that you had book II of the Children and Descended from Heros and Villains that Rangermike deleted some time ago saved away? Just out of curiosity, could I maybe get a copy of them? Its been ages since I last read them.

If not that's fine.

Good story by the way. I look forwards to reading more!.
1/9/2018 c2 7Xabiar
Read through what's here so far. I like it quite a bit.

It doesn't exactly read like a Star Wars story, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. This definitely feels much darker and morally ambiguous already, which is definitely helped by the excellent dynamic between Taral and Tokare, the former I admittedly don't like too much right now, although I think that's intentional, and the latter I find very interesting both because the character itself is intriguing, and what he represents. I've always liked the idea of Jedi slowly falling and being unaware of it, and using and abusing their powers, while believing themselves justified. If one thing came through, it's that the Jedi now are not the ones of old, and I quite like that.

What really has my interest is the questions raised by the setting, some of which is hinted at, but there are a lot that I suspect won't be until later. The Jedi alliance with Mandalorians. The state of the galaxy. The shadow conflict between Jedi and Sith. Who the major players are now. Since there's a Yuuzhan Vong, this is clearly taking non-canon stuff, there is a lot that could have happened. A re-imagined Star Wars is really ripe for opportunities.

Aside from some choices I disagree with, namely the use of language, and inclusion of things directly from Earth like cigarettes (Both of which sound extremely out of place in Star Wars of all things. It doesn't make it any more gritty or realistic either. There are already plenty of in-universe things you could have used), and some odd formatting, this is definitely interesting and well-written.

Looking forward to seeing where it goes.

- Xabiar
1/8/2018 c2 kainono
Oh boy, talk about a cliff hanger. A slightly pissed (Heh!) twi'lek seeing someone being dragged in a mandalorian camp with, if i got it right, something that could be seem as a slave collar for force users. And the best part is that i have no idea if i got the right read or it will be something totally different.
Also loving how things are shaping up, and the mind games between Taral and Tokare. So many questions, can't wait to see more.
1/6/2018 c1 1PhantomTemplar
just got done reading through the first chapter took awhile to pry my phone from my wife's hands. I'm pretty amazed I thoroughly enjoyed it. happy Sunday mate.
1/4/2018 c1 legionaire Abram
Phantom sent me the link to this, I was cautious about it at first due to the fact I haven't seen or read starwars since I was probably his age, I enjoyed it keep up the good work.
12/14/2017 c1 kainono
So Taral is like the sith assassins from KotR 2? Or is he more in line with Nihilus? Also if Tokare could feel Taral through the force would he be able to beat him or is Taral that good with the saber (or maybe the jedi are that much worse than sith)?
Anyway, you got my interest. Let's see where this one will take us.
1/18/2016 c3 Radcounter
To start off with there are a couple of errors that can be found by proof reading, word transpositions. Remember that a spell checker doesn't care if it's the right word or wrong word, only that it fits the rules of grammer and is spelt correctly.

Your plot line is obscure or at this stage appears to be a single line with 3 possible sub-plots.

You have a very interesting male central character with Taral, it will be exciting to see how you portay him as the story developes, will he go completely to the dark side, can he be brought back to teh light or will he choose a dangerous path and balance both light and dark. With the appearence of Numa there is a suggestion that he will fall and be redeemed, of she will fall and he will redeem them both, a difficult story arc to fulfill that will be.

The Yahoo group Descended has vanished, I don't know if Mike has removed it or if Yahoo deleted it due to inactivity.

If I may suggest, you might want to find a better way of indicating a scene break/change, since has a way of murdering them in the text, I've found.

Looking forward to seeing how you develope and play this story out.

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