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8/5/2020 c1 The Fox Familiar
You have got to be fucking kidding me. You're going to pair Daud and Corvo together, as well as the Outsider? Sick fuck. Anyways, the plot seems to be over the top and ridiculous. It's almost corny that it makes me laugh. But we'll get to the point that your female centrism comes in here, and where you shit all over what makes men men and turn them into whiny, bitchy faggots.

Here we go. For one, Daud's not gay. He murdered peadophiles and is one of the few characters that has morals. Just because he has an entire assassin army of mostly men does not make him gay. As for Corvo, he's for the most part celibate because of his duties, but oh fucking no, the women have to get in here and make him love the dick. Do tell me: is there anything else to this story other than the pathetic slash, or are you just letting your cunny do the talking for you? As for the Outsider, he really doesn't give a fuck. It's clear that you're just pairing Corvo and him together because it makes you wet, and nothing else. So, you're little more than a whore selling her services to customers.

I'm not buying it, and 5,000 words in and this is a load of fail. Since the technological marvels have swept the world, people are already losing faith in the Abbey. The Rat Plague destroyed it, and its rosters of corrupt officials and its loss of the faithful would already render it obsolete. As for the witches, or the Outsider himself, what chance do they have against a massive, technologically superior Empire? Witches weren't immune to bullets. And why, exactly, would Corvo need to destroy the Outsider when he it is implied that when all the whales die, so does he? Not to mention the Outsider doesn't want to sodomize Corvo; but oh no, get any two men together and poof, they're fairy-tale faggots.

Oh, and not to mention - in the High Chaos ending, Corvo is essentially a psychopath. He has no emotion. And Daud even admits this. Plus, Daud is not a young man, so I don't know why little girls get turned on by this. And if you're using themes from your 'novel', well then I'm right to say your writing skill is poor. You misspell 'Abbey' from time to time, your antagonists are cliched, narrow, empty sons of bitches who die and I can't care for, and you don't even know your canon. Gristol is by far the most devout of all the Isles, and Serkonos is by far the most relaxed. Morley is the insurrectionist, and Tyvia is the ass-kisser. The fact is, why start a civil war with an institution that's already on the decline?

High Chaos Corvo believes no one is innocent. He kills to find Emily. Obviously you don't remember that, and instead thought: "Fuck logic, I'll make Daud and Corvo gay because I can and that's hot!" Do tell me what is so special about homosexuality, my friend, and how an anus is meant for a penis. Do tell.

Oh, and you're a bigger sick fuck for pairing The Outsider with Corvo, because the Outsider isn't even human and he doesn't give two fucks about human emotion. So these stories that involve him giving Corvo deepthroat, hardcore anal sex or whatever wouldn't work because he's NOT HUMAN. Get that through your head, bitch.

"He receives some unwanted and unexpected assistance" - Let me guess, Daud helps him, they go on adventures, and eventually they realize they need to strip and fuck because who needs women, right? Fuck women, they're fucking disgusting, and fuck men too, they don't need women.

It's funny how you have an entire blog splerging about writing tips and how to create characters when you can't create characters in the first place. You make a post on the What Not to Do's and say this:

"Learning creative writing is a daunting endeavor. There’s this huge gray abyss filled with what-to-dos and what-not-to-dos that new and experienced writers find themselves diving into with no clue how to climb back out.

I tumbled in a few years ago. You couldn’t keep the writing books out of my hands. Anything and everything to do with plots, characters, POV, writing mechanics, grammar (though admittedly, I resisted the proper use of commas and continue to splice to my little heart’s content), tension, descriptions – if it picked the craft apart, I purchased it.

Then came the deep murk of application. Never use the passive verb “was” (She was going up the hill). Never use the weak, telling adverbs (John angrily told Jane off). Never tag “said” with an weak, telling adverb (she said cheekily?). Never tell, always show (John was sad John sobbed in the corner). And those were the tip of the iceberg called Writing Mechanics."

Well, obviously you forgot the super special rule: Get your Female Centrism out of my literature. You see, when you write, you have that female-ness to it, including romanticizing everything with homoeroticism, even when it is not needed. So either you grew up your entire life believing that homo-faggotry is alright, or that writing it would make you a diverse and acceptable person, or you ignored it. But no matter how many books you purchase on writing, no matter how hard you try, if you are not born for it, you cannot do it. As a flamer, I've seen a lot of people like you with their special blogs trying to give people tips on writing when they cannot write themselves and do worse things than they like to admit. Funnier thing is, you're part of a 'Critique' circle.

Oh, won't we have fun?

Number one: Piero Joplin is a genius. His mana recipe would no doubt be widely used along with Sokolov's work. In High Chaos they /can/ die, but if they live, their work does. Even if they die, their work still endures. Also, in High Chaos, the Rat Plague consumes everything. Even if it suddenly disappeared overnight, Gristol would lose its high seat in the Empire. The Abbey wouldn't matter because people would be far too focused on trade, economics, and the disease. They placed an embargo on Gristol during the outbreak and kept quiet.

Number Two: Your antagonist, Fairchild, is an unknown. Who's he, again? You never set up your setting; you only explain about it on your blog. I don't care for this Corvo, with the exception that he's magically bisexual and wants to fuck both a non-human entity and Daud. Why are they gay, again? Other than to please you?

Number Three: Don't strut your feathers when they have no colour. And yes, I will bitch to you in this review, fanfiction or not, because it is YOUR writing and it will be criticized. Even book after book of those useless self-help shitfests, you still can't grasp the basics. Sorry, but you don't.

Number Four: If Emily's dead, the Empire is no more and so is the Abbey. Gristol was the backbone of the Abbey of the Everyman; with it gone, there's no point to it. So your plot of having the Abbey purged by a Serkonan Duke is useless, because they were dukes in the first place because of the Empire.

Number Five: Corvo's entire purpose was rescuing Emily. If he lets her die, he leaves, probably because he cannot bear the idea that his duty to protect her has been destroyed. That is what makes Corvo a man.

Number Six: Where is the Rat Plague? No fall-out from that? No empty streets; no buildings to fix? It would take more than five years to fix that, including the Rudshore District.

Number Seven: Where are the gangs?

Number Eight: Corvo is not struggling with anything. Your attempt at making him a three-dimensional character has failed. I literally have no idea why he's doing this. You committed the sin the game did: you kill characters for the reason someone tells you, rather than figure out why you are doing it and what you as a player are going to feel about doing it. Here, just like killing Thaddeus Campbell, you are killing an unknown. You cannot feel for them or their actions or ambitions. They were just there.

I recall The Walking Dead committing the same mistakes.

Number Nine: Corvo being dominated by his emotions is a very womanly thing to do. High Chaos Corvo is a psychopath; he is a broken wheel. He can't feel. With Emily dead, all he would be capable of is just doing something. There is no in-depth analysis.

Number Ten: The Outsider has no control over Fate. He admits this. He even admits that he is not psychic. So, your quote here: "But unbeknownst to Corvo, the Outsider is manipulating events and in a sense, herding Corvo to a certain fate. Corvo is a pawn, but a special one, something the Outsider hasn’t dealt with before, and this novelty intrigues him." - is useless, because it would not happen in canon.

Number Eleven: Corvo is the only interesting person. This is used a lot by sick fuck slash fangirls, because they can't grasp the fact that the Outsider also visited women and a little boy. So if the Outsider is even capable of emotion, so too would be be attracted to the boy he visited. Though you wouldn't support that because that would make him a paedophile. The fact that fangirls forget this is absolutely astounding, but hey, you're all retarded anyways; what do you know?

Number Twelve: Useless slash and cliched 'romances'. We have the typical homosexual set-up and the 'Oh you're fascinating' and the 'I hate you but love you' trope. You've already shat on your would-be plot by using your cunny instead of your brain. I guess those self-help writing books never taught you that catering to a sexual minority or sexual deviance never makes you an amazing writer. It will make you little more than a whore - as I've said before - who sells herself, not the message.

I think it's time for you to see some CDC stats on homosexual sex as well as the mental illnesses that are associated with it. Are Daud and Corvo both victims of abuse? Were they raped as children? Do they have hormonal imbalances? No father figure (true for the former, unknown for the latter)? If so, well then you'd have a realistic homosexual. Here? How does a man fucking a ghost sit well for you? It doesn't even sit well in straight pairings.

I don't know what went through your head
7/1/2020 c2 8FieryArcher
Your writing style draws me in, and I find that I want to know more of this Lucien. Please, continue.
6/2/2015 c1 Giratina11Z
This introduction may be short but, damn, this looks really interesting :D
5/14/2015 c1 Guest
Dope

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