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for 2014 WoD NaNo story

11/9/2014 c1 38ChocolateTeapot
This is an interesting first chapter. The premise mostly looks pretty cool and the first chapter looks like it will live up to it. However, I'm not sure if I'll continue reading as main characters who torture usually are a deal breaker for me.

The writing is good and I particularly liked the beginning.

The characters seem pretty interesting. The speed and number of introductions made it a little hard to keep track though.

One typo: “As the body's dry remains settled back on to the asphalt it's killer rose tall;” “its killer”

I also liked how you described the Tremere aiming to appear a monolithic group.

One suggestion I'd have is that you use the “vampire” character tag to make it more searchable.

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