3/18/2017 c1 1Alan Scott
I like it! Definitely a great (and believable) explanation for this huge, Universe changing question.
For credibility you'll want to fix a couple of things:
Thufur Hawat, not Hyatt.
Atreides, not Atradies.
I like it! Definitely a great (and believable) explanation for this huge, Universe changing question.
For credibility you'll want to fix a couple of things:
Thufur Hawat, not Hyatt.
Atreides, not Atradies.
2/20/2017 c1 25Glenstorm63
This piece was so very skillfully written. I enjoyed ir immensely. Nice to get Jessica's internal #ruminations on it all. I hope you write a liitle more on her final decision about having a boy and how she justifies it to herself. Something to be careful of is name spelling... Atradies (Atreides) and Thufir Hyatt (Hawatt) and the reference to the cousin is a statement of belonging and requires an apostrophe of ownership e.g. Atreides', at one point. Best wishes to you.
This piece was so very skillfully written. I enjoyed ir immensely. Nice to get Jessica's internal #ruminations on it all. I hope you write a liitle more on her final decision about having a boy and how she justifies it to herself. Something to be careful of is name spelling... Atradies (Atreides) and Thufir Hyatt (Hawatt) and the reference to the cousin is a statement of belonging and requires an apostrophe of ownership e.g. Atreides', at one point. Best wishes to you.