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for Querida, Means beloved

9/2/2018 c1 s7hrW
Veri n1c3CHFst0riaq
9/18/2016 c1 Guest
It was nice, definitely fluffy and sweet. But it somehow lacked a leetle bit of oomph. And, (my professor instincts are kicking in, don't mind) please take care of the punctuation. Incorrect (or non-existent) punctuation makes it difficult for the reader, and no reader wants to force themselves through a story, especially one as beautifully thought out as this one.
Don't take any offence, dearie, just trying to help in what little way I can. Keep writing. You'll get there. Good things await you.
-Destiny
P.s Don't think I'm being creepy or anything, that's actually my name :p
12/9/2014 c1 guest
Hi there! wonderfully written!
I think u just nailed jesse's character there! i was almost swooning with the "home is where u are" line. That is just how I've always believed jesse would think. And also, the 150 years of unfinished business, and staying back for suzannah, this is the first mediator fic I've read that even mentions that! I've always been hoping someone would hit the mark...

In my opinion, I believe that when jesse died, he became a ghost and didn't go on the afterlife because he wanted his family to know the truth about maria, the wedding sham, about felix, and how his death was plotted. That was why he still existed. But after all of his family died, and he still couldn't prove his innocence in the whole affair, he just felt empty- he still had unfinished business, and it would always remain incomplete because they weren't alive anymore. And he couldn't move on either. So I guess that was his loneliest period where he was just aimlessly roaming around, not knowing what he wanted and why he was still here. (which is why when he met suzannah, and she kept asking him what he wanted so that he could move on, he couldn't tell her anything...because he himself didn't know. this was in the first book, btw) But pretty soon, he fell in love with suzannah and all of his priorities changed. The cause of his death didn't matter to him anymore, only suzannah did. That became the reason he continued to stay on earth- to protect, watch over, and love her. This also explains why jesse did not disappear to the afterlife after his body was found. it didn't matter to him, only suzannah did, and as long as she wanted him, he would have always remained by her side. She was where he belonged.

Alright, sorry, I think i rambled too much there, but I really wanted someone to get the whole picture. Im not trying to sound conceited here by how well I know the story, I just think everyone looks at this only on the surface level. Brilliant job for bringing it out!

The only thing I felt was a bit out of place was the kiss, I don't think jesse would ever be that forward, and in that situation too. He would have been too worried about her life and trying to save her, to kiss so passionately. But I can see why it was necessary in this one-shot- i mean they dont have to more books to slowly accept their love for each other, it had to happen before she died (or before they learnt that she dies, in this case)

Well thought out :)
A very creative ending, i like suze's quirkiness and how she remains jack's guardian )
12/2/2014 c1 Jessie
Hey! Firstly, well done for writing it all in one sitting. I think the count said around 4000 words? That's great, though your wrists must ache a bit!

It was such a lovely story. Yes, it was bittersweet. And yeah, a little sad. But it was fluffy (what's possibly better than fluff?) And it was an interesting twist. I had an inkling that Suze wouldn't get back to her body on time but it's nice that Suze and Jesse get to stay together. In other stories like this they are always seperated - its a lovely twist!

You got Suze pretty well too! Her love of fashion, her sarcastic quips and how she totally digresses (when Jesse had picked her up. That made me laugh :) ).

Jesse was great too, and Jack and Father D. I like that you kept to the same kind of route the original chapter kept, but I also LOVE that they kissed. We ALL wish that actually happened! :)

So, in terms of constructive feedback the use of commas and stuff to break up sentences is kind of needed because in some places I was a little confused (but mostly I got what you mean. I think thats common between all writers!) I really hope I didn't offend you, but it's always great to get one piece of feedback! It's the best tool a writer has!

Anyway, sorry for the mammoth review! I really loved this story. It finished beautifully as well! I hope that you will write more! I will be sure to check :)

Well done again,best wishes for the festive season and I really hope you write more!

Jessie xx

P.S. sorry if there are any mistakes in my huge review, but in my defence it's nearly 11 at night here in the UK and I just had to review before I went to sleep. Great work, once again!

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