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for Leo Barning from Above: The Power of Love

1/30 c26 6Chipster-roo
I read the updated chapter 24, and I enjoyed it.

Most of the chapter consists of Fiver and Leo talking with each other, which is very cute, especially with Gooseberry's absence, it's all really great. Fiver also has a nice moment with Snowflake near the end.

This is followed by a brief return to the warren. Pipkin's portrayal there was handled well, as well as Hannah and the other characters too. In the end, Hazel decides to go save Fiver. It's going to be interesting to see how this unfolds.
1/23 c25 48Drewmoviefan
For Chapter 24... Awesome Chapter! Can't Wait For The Next Chapter!
10/24/2020 c25 6Chipster-roo
This is getting really intense.

In chapter 22, Gooseberry continues to be the absolute worst, this time threatening to kill Pipkin and, based on Silverweed's vision, he won't hesitate to carry it out. The scene with the flooded burrow was hilarious, but of course he finds a way to blame it on someone else. The farm raid at the beginning of the chapter was a great passage.

The first half of chapter 23 consists of Leo and the others while Gooseberry is away, providing everyone with a nice break from the rudeness and violence. There are some cute scenes between Leo and Fiver, and Skree takes Pipkin away to safety. The second half takes place back at the warren, for the first time in many chapters. You did a good job writing Hazel and Blackberry, and Bigwig provided a funny moment when Pipkin landed on him. Also nice to see everyone is finally aware of how evil Gooseberry is.

And, with that, I think I have caught up with the rewrite; chapters 24 and beyond appear to be remnants of the original version. Looking forward to the rest of the rewrite! (also, the current chapter 25 looks like it may get edited out...bummer, it was pretty cute)
10/17/2020 c24 Chipster-roo
Two more great chapters!

Chapter 20 begins with the discussion with Pipkin, which was well-written. Then he and Leo meet a mysterious rabbit called Prune, who promises them evidence against Gooseberry, but it turns out to be yet another trap, this time by Cornstalk. The Gold Tooth Shadow returns too. This was all mysterious and intense, but fortunately Skree is able to help Leo and Pipkin escape. They later fly away with him, which sounds really fun.

In chapter 21, Leo makes some vague statements about the secrets Gooseberry threatened him into keeping, but later on, he *finally* tells Fiver the whole truth. The resulting conversation with Fiver is very cute, and it's going to be interesting to see what happens next. Gooseberry isn't the type of rabbit who takes "no" for an answer, not to mention his dark plans for Leo...
10/16/2020 c24 48Drewmoviefan
Awesome Chapter! Can't Wait For The Next Chapter!
10/10/2020 c4 6Chipster-roo
Two more good, calm chapters.

In chapter 18, the hawk turns out to be Vervain, trying to poison Fiver. I like how he almost called himself Vervain, before switching to Verlona at the last moment. Fortunately, he is soon exposed before Fiver can get hurt. Snowdew is a cute name, though, perhaps more so than the correct answer of Snowdrop.

Later in the chapter, Gooseberry accuses Leo of being responsible for the attack. Rather surprising he didn't praise Leo for attempting to kill Fiver (since Gooseberry hates Fiver) but in the end, Leo gets attacked. This is portrayed very realistically and it seems really painful.

In chapter 19, Leo has a terrible nightmare, and mistakenly hears Fiver calling for help. The interactions between the two honorary brothers are really great. I also like your portrayal of Snowflake, and Pipkin in the end. From the looks of it, in the next chapter, Pipkin will discuss the situation with Gooseberry with Leo. This is going to be interesting.
10/3/2020 c11 Chipster-roo
Two interesting chapters!

Chapter 16 consists mostly of Dandelion and Bluebell, the latter remaining an interesting character, and it is nice to see more of her. At the end of the chapter, it is revealed that Gooseberry has left without any explanation. He is most likely carrying out some evil scheme, but at least he can't bully anyone until his return!

In chapter 17, the entire gang (except AWOL Gooseberry) raid a garden; this is followed by a very cute scene with Leo and Fiver, the highlight of the chapter.

Another good passage was when Hawkbit, then Strawberry and Dandelion, impersonated Gooseberry, absolutely hilarious. But unfortunately, Gooseberry returns at the worst possible moment and...that punishment is just beyond disgusting...anyway the chapter ends with the arrival of a mysterious hawk with a message for Fiver. It is rather funny how this hawk has Leo's turnip, which mysteriously went missing earlier in the chapter.
10/3/2020 c16 48Drewmoviefan
Loved The Additional Dandelion and Bluebell scenes you did! Can't Wait For More To Come!
9/26/2020 c15 6Chipster-roo
Two exciting chapters!
After the chapter 13 cliffhanger, chapter 14 reveals that there is no Jason, instead it is a trap of Chillblack's, who vanishes when the others come to Leo's aid; very mysterious. In the second half of the chapter, Gooseberry acts like a jerk once more. He also threatens harm to Leo and, this time, makes no attempt at concealing it. Gitberry is a nice nickname though.

Chapter 15 starts with two nightmares, in which Gooseberry murders Fiver and severely injures Leo. This was really dramatic and scary, and he may actually try this out in reality later on. Then, Leo teaches Fiver how to kiss (no Bluebell though); this was a pretty cute scene, until homophobic Gooseberry shows up for some more insults.

The chapter also reveals that Silverweed had romantic feelings for Fiver, although this is one-sided. This Fiverweed was highly unexpected, but the scene was well-written. The chapter ends with a cute short scene with Hazel. I like scenes showing what's going on at WD while the main gang is away; hopefully there will be more in later chapters.

I hope to keep reading soon.
9/19/2020 c13 Chipster-roo
Chapter 12 has a pretty funny beginning, with Gooseberry getting in trouble with Hickory and Marigold. This is followed by an interesting conversation about dreams, then everyone leaves on the mission. Not quite sure why Blackberry calls Leo "darkling", but otherwise the scene is very cute.

Soon afterwards, you get a first mention of Farskull, much earlier than in the original version; this has the potential to be interesting. Leo and Fiver also finally sort out the promise problems, this scene was well-written.

Chapter 13...EW GROSS _ Bloody hell indeed! This is followed by some very realistic ear scratching, a great scene. The apple scene was also well-written. Gooseberry is his usual jerkish self, and the interactions between Fiver and Snowflake were beyond cute.

The pile of rabbits was an interesting idea from Fiver (the same thing happened in a later chapter of Possibilities). It was actually working very well, until Gooseberry ruined everything again, and this time it resulted in more than just mental torment Skree got hurt in the process.

And then...Jason? Very mysterious, this is going to be interesting! Overall, two enjoyable chapters.
9/12/2020 c10 Chipster-roo
Two more great chapters.

At the beginning of chapter 10, Gooseberry tries to propose to Snowflake, but she understandably turns him down. He doesn't take rejection very well. At the end of the chapter, he once again bullies Fiver, but this time he gets caught in the act by Hazel, which is pretty great. Then, Fiver has a vision of the upcoming mission; this is going to be very exciting!

Most of the rest of the chapter is about Leo and Pipkin. It's nice to see Leo finally managed to tell someone about the issues he is facing, and Pipkin is good at resolving such situations.

The first half of chapter 11 focuses on Hazel and Fiver, notably Fiver having to go on the mission without Hazel, according to the vision. You do a good job at portraying Hazel's feelings regarding the matter. The scene is overall very cute, especially without Gooseberry's meddling. The second half focuses mostly on Leo and Silverweed, who got his powers back. It makes sense that Silverweed does not like this, and his friendship with Leo is great.

Leo also briefly encounters Gooseberry on his way to night patrol, who was brought down a notch earlier; as a consequence, he doesn't seem as threatening as usual. The chapter ends with an intense nightmare of bad things happening to Jason, and Aunt Madeline turning into...Chillblack? I think that was her name? I hope to keep reading soon.
9/5/2020 c8 Chipster-roo
Two more good chapters.

In chapter 8, Fiver tries to invite Snowflake to the pond, but his awkwardness is definitely ramped up from the original. But once he finally manages to give the invitation, things gets cute. The trip to the pond was handled well, and Snowflake remains your most interesting 100% rabbit OC.

I'm starting to sense a pattern in these chapters: things are really cute, soft and pleasant, then Gooseberry comes along, acts like a jerk and ruins everything for the kind characters. Here he shows off how much of a creep he is, lying and breaking his promise to Fiver, although fortunately Snowflake doesn't take it seriously. He also makes a fool of himself, and gets kicked in the water (one of the funniest scenes of the original, great to see it was preserved).

Chapter 9 introduces another new character, the weird and mysterious Philosopher, who warns Leo about hating Jason. The subplot of Leo and Jason's relationship appears to have been greatly expanded in the rewrite. The chapter has a few cute scenes, with Leo and Blackberry, plus Fiver playing with Roseberry.

I hope to keep reading soon.
8/29/2020 c7 Chipster-roo
Two more well-written chapters.

Chapter 6 consists mostly of Fiver and Leo talking, with Fiver expressing a desire to mate. Leo does a good job at clarifying Fiver's misconceptions. Fiver also highly unexpectedly confesses his love for Bluebell, which temporarily lead me to think Snowflake would get purged from existence. I soon realized this wasn't the case, when Fiver has a vision about a "white answer". If I remember correctly, in the original version Fiver stumbled upon Snowflake at the pond. Here, it is much more dramatic, as he and Leo save her from an owl. This was well-written.

In the next chapter, Snowflake gets brought back to the warren, where Blackberry the best is able to help her. Fiver's crush switches from Bluebell to Snowflake extremely quickly. The highlight of the chapter would probably be when Fiver finally tells Hazel about (some of) his problems. Hazel is great at cheering him up, they have the best friendship. Unfortunately, this is short-lived, as Gooseberry returns to ruin everything. He deserves that headache, if he didn't make it up.

I hope to keep reading soon.
8/24/2020 c22 48Drewmoviefan
ARGH! That Gastonberry (Gooseberry) I wanted to punch him in the face! Poor Pipkin, glad he was taken care of his wound from that Gastonberry. Excellent Chapter, Can't Wait For The Next Chapter!
8/22/2020 c5 6Chipster-roo
Chapter 4 introduces us to the biggest rabbit jerk ever, Gooseberry. He's even nastier than I remembered him to be, unless he got worse with the rewrite. You do a good job at portraying his rudeness towards Leo and Fiver. When Hazel calls a meeting to welcome Leo back to the warren, he takes over to stroke his own inflated ego. At least nobody believes him.

Chapter 5 has a cute beginning. Fiver wants a mate but is worried that nobody would want him, but Leo is easily able to make him realize the truth. But the sweet stuff is short-lived, as Gooseberry soon returns, wishing for Fiver to die and bluntly telling Leo to go die in the woods. Fiver's stubborn refusal to tell Hazel about this (indirectly forcing Leo to do the same) makes things difficult...

The last part of the chapter is cute though. Blackberry remains awesome, and her kittens were funny. Leo sharing a burrow with Fiver and Silverweed was cute.

Overall, two great chapters. I hope to keep reading soon.
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