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for A Ship of Agendas

11/20/2020 c1 2k+Hawki
-"My name is Tyr Anazasi." said Tyr.

Should be a comma after "Anasazi" rather than a full stop - this mistake is repeated more than once. Also, while I'm on the subject of this line, it reads slightly awkwardly, in that "said Tyr" comes right after the moment of him giving his name. It indicates a sense of familiaritiyy that has yet to be established.

-"Otherwi, so her neck might end up snapped."

Okay, something went wrong with this sentence. Should be "otherwise," and cut out the "so."

-"The most powerful weapons in the universe."

Cough*Nova bombs*Cough*

-So, the first section does raise the question as to how Tyr was able to slip on and off, and I'm kind of left to ask whether it was Tyr at all - certainly Andromeda is no stranger to supernatural abilities. Still, first section is decent. Dialogue flows well, and you do a decent job of capturing the characters.

-"It was a warehouse."

A warehouse...where? on a planet? On a drift? Somewhere else? I mean, there's three galaxies to choose from, we could have more details.

-Okay, I smirked when Harper introduced yourself. You do a great job of capturing his mannerisms.

-So, minor point, but Harper's use of "stop living in the twentieth century." I get the joke, but it's left me to ask as to why twentieth, as opposed to any other century prior to the 52nd (which is when Andromeda occurs by our calendar, IIRC). Similarly, why the 20th century, as opposed to the CY or AFC calendars? Yeah, nitpick, but it stood out.

-There's good interaction between Bekka and Tyr. Again, you capture their dynamic well.

-Similar to Trance. Smirked when she asked what she should wear.

-"...more than she bargained for."

Should conclude with a question mark there, not a full stop.

-Concening your author's note, as someone who's watched all five seasons of Andromeda...yeah, pretty much had the same experience. Season 3 was kind of terrible. Season 4 improves things a bit, but then we hit the low spot with season 5 (I'd say 5 is worse than 3, though 3 bugs me more). If you want examples of wasted potential in a sci-fi show, Andromeda is a shining example.

-Overall, it's a good intro. The main issue is the punctuation - I've commented on this more than once with your fics, but the issue hasn't been solved yet. And yes, small isue, but small issues add up to big ones.

On the other hand, like I said, you do a good job capturing the characters. And while I'm wary of AU stories, at least so far, it feels like a leadup that could have occurred prior to the Maru finding the Andromeda. So solid start.
11/18/2020 c12 3Costin
Great stuff, please continue posting regularly it's very solid and in many ways is what Andromeda should have been, and good note at the end: The supermodel ship and Tyr were the two main reasons to watch the show, the Andromeda as a vessel is certainly quite iconic in many ways.

I'd like to suggest that when it comes to military stuff you focus more on giving numbers for troops, hard numbers. Check a story out like Warcraft Tides of Darkness on FF by Jeremy it's a good example of what I mean, but genuinely keep it up!
10/21/2020 c10 Costin
Ah Ortiz. Good diving right into the thick of things instead of some ridiculous story about children with WMDs.
10/17/2020 c10 Alcides12
I am amazed, a not half bad Andromeda fic.
I am definitely going to be checking on this one.
Very much looking forward to more.
As a side note, from my understanding, the producers of Andromeda were really starting to mess with the shows flow and choices rather than Kevin Sorbo’s ego.
Sorbo even mentions how they were trying to turn Dylan Hunt into a Demigod like figure by making him in to a Human Heavyworlder/Paradine Hybrid. Sorbo mentions how that felt like cheap shooting the show.
10/6/2020 c9 2WHCnelson
Nice, I can't wait for the next few chapters...
8/22/2020 c9 3Costin
Impressive, and a really nice way of handling Andromeda.

Hope you drop the nonsense of them not having a full as quickly as possible though and Dylan's BS about not leading the Commonwealth he re-founded.
6/25/2020 c8 18ariom
Is that all there is? Did you get motivated to finish this? I hope so.
6/25/2020 c7 Guest
Plenty of action in this chapter, but imo it's not as good as some of the others. Heh, I did laugh however at Hercules being Hunt's favourite of the Greek heroes. :)
6/25/2020 c6 Guest
I'm still enjoying this alternate version, and also your author's notes at the end of each chapter.
6/25/2020 c4 ariom
Ahah ... interesting!
6/25/2020 c3 ariom
Yep, but the debate bit worked imo.
6/25/2020 c2 ariom
I'm glad to see you have reintroduced Parvati; she was indeed interesting.
Minor nitpick - it's Gerentex, not Geretex (and probably only a typo.)
And I'm not quite sure there would be dozens of mercenaries on the Maru. (Anyway, maybe you decide they needed a lot, I'll find out later I suppose.)
Interesting that you already had Trance and Rev on board but Harper came with the mercenaries.
After reading two chapters I intend to read the rest of this.
6/25/2020 c1 ariom
I've read the first chapter and liked what I read. And I have to agree with you SO much about it becoming the Dylan Hunt show! Tyr had so much potential and killing him off was ridiculous.
11/23/2019 c7 Kimmie500123
This is awesome! What should of been, but was not. Please continue!
10/24/2019 c7 Guest
Out of practice or not, it was a good chapter. The byplay between harper tyr and dylan over greek heroes was fun. I also liked that the marias were not totally useless and the explanation of why they were not more effective made sense. Thanks for writing.
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