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for Xenoblade Fanfiction

1/9/2020 c1 1DeviledBread
Amazing story, incredible, flawless. 10/10
10/2/2019 c1 KoraKross
It's pretty good so far! I have a few issues, however. Don't be discouraged from these flaws, though.
1: The new paragraphs you made at the beginning of the text kind of bothers me. You made new paragraphs in the middle of the sentence. I recommend you try to make new paragraphs after the end of a sentence.
2: The name of the fanfiction is kind of bland. People wouldn't want to read a fanfiction just called "Xenoblade Fanfiction." Maybe giving a bit more of a creative name will help more readers to try it out.
3: The long paragraph in the middle of the text. Maybe separating almost different ideas will help. It's kind of boring to read it like that, and sometimes pretty easy to lose where you are.
4: The dialogue uses kind of bother me. Sometimes it's pretty hard to tell who's talking. It might be a bit better if you use something like: Dunban said, "Blah blah." OR "Blah blah," Dunban said. It'll be easier to tell who's talking. But, it gets bland if you just write 'said' as the starter. Vary it up a bit!
5: The beginning feels like it starts out of nowhere. We can't tell what's going on at all until we read a bit more. Yes, it's nice to start a story and keep them reading to find things out, but in this case, it's not very good. Try to tell where everyone is, and who all is there.

I'm sorry if I made you feel bad, but I'm just giving feedback to help make it better. Keep my tips in mind when you make chapter 2! Thank you for reading.

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