Just In
Community
Forum
More
for Gold

9/25/2020 c1 1J4ckP0T
This is a divisive experience, it left me wanting more but still confused.

The entire family shenanigans is just pure heartwarming, on the other hand Nine conflict seemed weirdly ambiguous and empty, while i think the intention is to juxtapose the two of them, we are not given any clue of the source of this disassociation Nine feel for her child.
the dissociation by itself isn't the problem, nor is the confusion she feels towards it, but without any context it's too empty a premise to make any connection to the reader, could be emotional exhaustion or a sense of foreboding towards the baby, but i feel more alienated and confused than connected.

But maybe that's what you were going for, anyway it left a impression, so thanks for the fic. o/

Also could the baby be a version of Ragna? that would be interesting a lingering grudge from a multiverse conflict? I would really love to know.

Stay safe and have a good time.
8/5/2020 c1 11ProxyEdgy
It's so refreshing to see a story that portraits motherhood as something not inherently joyful (and isn't judgemental about it). The happy environment around her, in sharp contrast with her internal struggles, gives off a very bittersweet feeling. Your gorgeous writing really brings the scene together, too.
The only thing missing is a little bit of context. *When* is this taking place? This franchise and its bazillion possible timelines really muddle the answer, it's not very clear in the text if this is an entirely new line of events or just another rehash of the usual one. (I interpreted it to be a twist on the usual one, somewhere after the war, since I feel it adds a layer of depth to both Jubei's and Nine's contrasting feelings about the baby)
This is a very precious story and I absolutely adored it. As the description masterfully puts it: "Soft, warm, and radiant.(...)Some naturally take a shine to it"
3/5/2020 c1 Niphilim
An interesting one-shot involving seldom-used characters but rather morbid for Nine to feel nothing toward her newborn babe (not like it's uncommon or something). I wished there was a little more time spent with why but I read this like a "take it as you see it" story, so I guess that doesn't matter much. Reading, there were some errors I notice is prevalent in other works of yours: wordiness. You have a kind of purplish prose, and I like it a lot; it's smooth, easy to read, varied, unique, expressive, and can even be poetic. But there is a tendency for wordy sentences like;

"In spite of her lack of interest prior to his birth, Kokonoe was okay with being an older sister, feeling a whit of pleasure and warmth at the reality of relation to the infant." {You could say "Despite" instead of "In spite of" or "before" to replace "prior to" but it's still fairly wordy] or;

"The mother doted on her, cradled her, sang to her, and was filled with an overwhelming, intoxicating desire to burn anyone who so much as threatened her." [Perhaps you could potentially split this sentence up?]

Just something I picked up while reading. There were, also, a few punctuation errors but not so much that it broke any kind of immersion or made this any weaker a piece. Nice story.
3/5/2020 c1 8murder-media
I feel like more context is needed for this story. Mostly because we're not really given a reason why Nine feels so apathetic about her newborn beyond that she has "doubts" that aren't explained. Why didn't she feel this way when Kokonoe was born? Is there an imminent threat or danger that Nine isn't coping with well? Is this post-partum depression or something more significant? I know this is a one-shot but I feel like a lot of details are lacking in regards to Nine and her issues about her baby, and when I read this, I'm unable to relate to Nine's emotional conflict. It reads as melodramatic in tone than actually investing.
3/4/2020 c1 6Pillager of Twilight
That's a sad occurence... Devoid of any emotion toward your own kid? Damn. Knowing Nine, though, it's probably 'cause it's a boy.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service