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12/26/2020 c1 Discord SYOT Verses
Hi Para! So I am here to review Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Death.

First of all, I have to compliment you endlessly on your writing skills. It’s clear that you possess a gift in writing. Your utilisation of atmosphere, of imagery, of sense and touch and movement, is all incredibly profound and fluid. Frequently, I have found myself absolutely lost in your writing, and so immersed into the world which you have fostered. Not even re-reading POVs were enough, if I’m being honest: I found myself eagerly devouring your words, and anticipating more, because every word you write creates so many incredibly vivid images that flow so well. Yes, you may have a significantly-sized wordcount, but that doesn’t take away the fact that once I got immersed into your scenes, I got immersed, and there was really no letting go from that.

While I read, there were lines that I simply had to capture, because they were so perfect and created such an image in my mind that I wanted to savour over and over again. Some of your lines which I have written down whilst reading, are:

“… and in the man’s arms like she is a falling feather…” what a description for Kai’sa Shadow, who has been described in euphonic tones befitting of her history of dance, yet she is still tragic for ‘feather’ relates to a bird, and she continues the broken bird motif which appears in all her POVs (in addition to her motif of ‘dust’, of dance, of suffocation, and of embers).

Additionally, your sense-oriented descriptions are incredibly well-done.

“… phlegm and syrup…” what a perfect way to describe Pierce’s pain and bitterness yet it persists with a mocking sweetness.

“… foam frothing at the mouth and down between their teeth, spittle leaking and dangling off the precipice of their chin…” which is a brilliant description in general; the harsh sounds of ‘spittle’, ‘precipice’, and the alliterative ‘foam frothing’ enhances the viscidness of the image.

“… nerves in her spine clump together…” just perfect in general, honestly.

“… submerged in a dark tide until it rolls her over….” see above.

“[Catalus has] a new risk to grab by the horns…” which embodies his strength and is also quite the classic image befitting District One, yet also relating back to his personality in a more-than incredibly well-done manner.

Second of all, I must talk about your characters. Your Capitol plot is entwined with intrigue, and with so much brilliance, especially as you create such a lively atmosphere and a web of politik and relations between all of your characters. One stellar example is Adriane’s excitement to be District 1’s escort (for she is practically the embodiment of hyper-giddiness), yet her dynamic with Friedrich shows herself to be superior to him, despite she being his District’s escort. This goes without mentioning your superb banter— “Major Runaway Horse”, for one, has to be one of my favourite moments between Friedrich and Adriane. Moments such as “no, dickweed, it is not sexual”, and stating that Adriane’s position was by virtue of “the gift of the gab” were truly brilliant because you elevate these characters to such life to us, which has been one of the many highlights of reading Liberty.

Speaking of Friedrich, I enjoy his inner turmoil immensely: of how he tries to convince himself that the blood of children won’t be his fault, yet guilt weighs upon his conscience, because of how he’s made the decision to join the Capitol during the rebellion. The way in which you put it in the prologue is so stunningly perfect; Friedrich cracks, and “the rest of it crumbles like a sandcastle in Panem's hands”, and with that, the calamity which is irrevocably his fault returns to him once more. Despite how much he’s One’s hero, he only sees blood, and the motif which you repeat is so remarkably well-done.

Emrick is, too, another individual which I sympathise quite some with, but also don’t quite like. His dream in Chapter 13 is also a testament to your writing skill; the way which you write action is incredibly liquid and flowy, and by virtue of such a writing style, you manage to get the maximum reaction out of a reader with your scenes. When I say I flinched at the description of the letter opener being “driven into their neck”, with the “gurgle of blood”, and the poetic yet horrific description of “coating pale skin in a tide of copper”… yeah, your writing is truly something else, and something which I envy and I absolutely wish to strive towards. This is without mentioning the positively repulsive but horrifically enrapturing scene of Emrick tasting his own blood, “tongue reaching out to taste a tantalizing droplet of blood, dark and blooming, crimson and midnight coalescing together”— what a superb line. And you have his almost overreactive defensiveness that comes with his wakening, and it humanises our President just as much as it horrifies us of him.

I haven’t talked much about the tributes, and so I will do so now. We have an incredibly dynamic and volatile and brilliant cast, which I have had the absolute joy of reading. We have Catalus, the rich son of the Drachma empire, coerced into volunteering; we have Diana, the Career-almost, who never wanted to be here, the evident emerging antagonist of the cast, for how much she relishes in killing (as was apparent in the sprawling brilliance that is the Bloodbath). We have Jasper, the District 13 rebel situated in District 3 (and speaking of him, I must commend you on that fantastic interview scene; the reveal and the bombshell were aptly done, perfectly executed). We have the delusional Poem, who slowly comes into the realisation that the Hunger Games are the Hunger Games, and not one of fashion, which culminates into a crisis during her interviews, and yet her arc doesn’t end there. We have love between tributes (and who can be surprised, really, for these are kids still), of Poem and Nikalus, who have to be one of my favourite pairs, only rivalled by a romance between D4 and D12. Speaking of them, your description of Ramses and Orion was amazingly sensual; the scene of them in the shower together is embedded in my mind—not for any “raciness”, per se, but for the sensuality and the almost low-lights, gentle atmosphere that we get from them being together.

Since we’re on the topic of tributes, I must commend you on your plotlines— all of them were and are so intricately woven. I love how you’ve given every single tribute a storyline, and you’ve wrapped them up, or left strings to be hanging, in order for them to be picked up again by other tributes. It is evident that there is a master-plan at work here, a holistic tapestry which your mind has made of the tributes and their storylines eventually, and I am just so enraptured by every single string which you have struck on the weave to create that whole picture that I will only see fully in the end. I can tell the amount of time, effort, and dedication which you have devoted into the plotting of your storylines, and I cannot wait to see where you will take me and the rest of your readers on Liberty’s journey.

One of my favourite plotlines, which shows your exemplar skill in character development, is Poem. It would have been so easy to kill her in the Bloodbath, yet, you persisted in continuing her storyline: from how she is ruined by the interview stage to how she continues to survive, still, with Nikalus, is an arc which enraptures me heavily.

Another one of your plotlines which shows your skill is Pierce affair in the Games, and how it had spiralled into misunderstandings and until Kileigh’s death, was once so brilliantly done—especially as it all revolved around a bow.

Last of all, I can’t go without mentioning the dynamic of the mini-Careers, who are heavily entertaining as they are tense. Recent developments in their alliance, especially with the concept of “betrayal” introduced to Catalus, make me anxious — but excited! — to see what things turn out to be.

-

Now onto the critique.

I think one thing which people typically would mention for critique is wordcount. Personally, I don’t think that this is necessarily a fault—since your descriptiveness and your words do manage to foster a certain atmosphere and a flurry of effective mental images in one’s mind. While I do believe that certain scenes could potentially be simplified, which would allow people to be less deterred by the wordcount, I don’t think this is really the main critique I have at hand.

Rather, I would like to mention that as a reader, I did notice that you typically have a certain format which you rely upon when writing action-reaction sequences, which goes along the lines of “(insert action), he (doing/following/any words ending with [-ing])”. I don’t do really well describing it, so I hope you don’t mind me picking out a few sentences as examples.

“… chair rolling back and hitting the far window sill, his tongue heavy, he looking at his desk with wide eyes.”

“Emrick likes spontaneity, he taking a long, heavy sip of his water…”

“Emrick says, voice booming around the hall as if he is yelling, Sylvan flinching next to him…”

“Vesuvia grits her teeth together, bringing the blade up in a horizontal slash, she now at the neck of the dummy.”

I think typically you already have a lot of variety present in your sentences, which is fantastic. And of course, this sort of format is to be expected with third person present, however, it is quite abundant. Additionally, it sometimes splices scenes that don’t seem quite relevant together which is slightly jarring to the reader. Changing your transitional words may elevate your writing even more.

Last of all, I do want to touch upon the somewhat reliance upon run-on sentences present in Liberty. Whilst they are indeed, good sentences, it is easy for the reader to lose what originally is happening. I’ve read quite a good amount of full-on paragraphs in Liberty which are really just once sentence. To some degree it is effective, but chopping it up may provide for a better effect, and would help orient the reader rather than losing them into a sequence of events that leaves them confused as to what is happening.

“Seeing President Emrick Israel last night from a near hundred foot difference is already nauseating enough for Nevaeh, enough to nearly have her lose her lunch for the second time, bending over in the chariot as her side flares up, bruises that might not ever heal, though her stylist team happily notes that she didn't have any broken ribs from the Peacekeeper assault, she lying through her teeth on how she attained them, for as Javier mentions at breakfast the next morning, before watching the recap: "Don't let them know the truth about you. It'll bury you. You're all nameless, and you'll die nameless…" he says to them, voice soft, face ever so sharp, before he realises his words, but the damage is already done and Sylvan's crying, and Nevaeh cuts her meat so hard she almost scratches the plate.”

“It had been in some sort of expose she witnesses in prison, some sort of documentary from a Capitolite who is thinking about asking inmates her age the opportunity to work for a living – "I already do work for a living," Vesuvia snidely tells the man, that earning her two lashes to the stomach and one on her heels, that hit having her scream into a bloodied rag at night – and on the screen, this brutal execution method, Vesuvia's eyes lighting up.”

You do have incredible imagery in these two paragraphs, such as Vesuvia getting lashes to her stomach and screaming into a bloodied rag, and the imagery of Nevaeh and Javier’s talk. However, by the end, the reader almost loses what is originally happening, and (“and on the screen, this brutal execution method, Vesuvia's eyes lighting up”, for example, doesn’t seem to flow with the rest and seems structurally off, even upon re-reading.)

Ultimately, however, these are fixes that can be easily done, mostly just by making sure to keep an eye out for run-on sentences, and chopping them up when editing your work. I have really enjoyed Liberty, for the brilliance in its prose, its plot, its imagery and all else, and I can’t wait to see what more you have to bring to us readers!
12/24/2020 c22 6Platrium
Just wanna say I read this like last month and I'm still alive. I have the channels on Discord muted though, in case of spoilers. I did get a spoiler, however, unfortunately, haha! It was nominated in the awards. XD

Pierce bumps into Cassiopeia. Not bad. The memory of Zachary though, hehe.

Portia still has her grip on those 2 huh.

Vess with that revelation! It was referenced inexplicitly previously, but here it was mentioned directly - murder. 3:)

I know D8 ain't dead at least, but... cliffhanger! I like cliffhangers. :3

Beef between Catalus and Diana huh. This should be interesting moving forward.

Kai'sa and Porscha on an adventure!

I did not take notes for this chapter, unfortunately. I will try doing so for the subsequent chapters, and while I may not review immediately due to possibly binging then reviewing everything all at once, feel free to check in with me from time to time if you're concerned whether I'm still around reading or not. I might not go full speed but I'm still here. Thanks for understanding. :)
12/21/2020 c25 dyloccupy
ahhh! so sorry for the lack of reviews on my end. with school and this crazy year, i definitely lost track of this amazing story. but! just know that i truly appreciated the time and dedication it took to write nevaeh! definitely rooting for sylvan now!
12/19/2020 c25 1Reign of Winter
And here we are, the most recent chapter! I won’t stall any longer.

Nokomis: This was a necessary POV, it really helps clear things up with how the dynamic is with Camilla and Nokomis, because clearly things have been strained since the Bloodbath. We can now see that Nokomis still doesn’t really feel much about the killing of Zachary, although she did make a great point of ‘was she meant to stand there and let him kill her?’ I still think Camilla is mainly concerned about how physically unaffected Nokomis is appearing, despite the fact that she sees his face in her nightmares. Despite this, I’m glad Nokomis actually talked to her about it, and hopefully they can properly be friends again, especially when Portia is there to backstab them at any point. They’ll need each other.

Catalus: Everytime you mention Mimir, I can’t help but think of the God of War 4 version of him haha, glad to see he isn’t a malicious entity here either. Quite a bit of foreshadowing mentioned within this POV, enough to make Catalus even more wary of Diana and Magnus. I always suspected that if one of the, were to be cut from the alliance (or murdered), it would be Catalus for his lack of fight in him. It will be interesting to see what he does with this information.

Poem: These two have already been through a lot together, and despite the hardships, they still seem to care for each other very much. These two are the most wholesome pairing, so I really hope it doesn’t end for them on bad terms. One of them will have to die in the very least, I just hope it’s not with them at odds. So I’m trying to understand, is Niklaus wanting to go back and find his token? Or did I misread? Because man that is an alarming priority. However, he isn’t wrong when he says that Poem needs to pull her weight, because if she acts like she did at the Bloodbath, she’s ripe for the killing if they run into other tributes.

Orion: Yay! The first major fight between alliance groups since the Bloodbath! This got really intense to be honest, I couldn’t stop wondering the whole time who would be the one to die. Ultimately, it appears that all of them survived, albeit Jasper and Ramses look like they’ll be worse for wear. I can’t help but think that Vesuvia won’t take too kindly to that exchange, and now that Kileigh is dead I can imagine she’ll have new targets in Orion and Ramses. She seems like she would be one to hold a grudge.

Kai’sa: Yeah as I thought, Kai’sa hasn’t responded all that well to the events of last chapter. It does make sense though, many would react the same way, minus the voices in the head thing. This has further emphasised how damaged Kai’sa seems to be, and at this point I’m not sure if she was hearing her brothers voice in her own head, or if it was a mechanic of the arena to lure tributes to their death. I’m still very interested to see Porscha hopefully find out that Kileigh was not responsible for the death of Pierce.

Sylvan: and RIP to yet another tribute! I was certainly not expecting Nevaeh to be taken out this early, from memory she had a decent score and seemed to have a little fight in her, but I do suppose she did fall behind in prominence compared to some of the other tributes. I honestly don’t know why they went hunting Valravn, that thing sounds horrific - and although Sylvan defeated it, it ultimately came at a cost. I guess we can only hope his reward helps him in the long run. However, at least Nevaeh’s death seemed a little more humane than some of the other ones, it sounded like it was quick, in comparison to Pierce having his eyes gouged out and all.

There we go, all up to date! Things are certainly getting spicy, and I feel like we are at the point where some of the more prominent tributes may be taken out. Everyone that is left feels quite important to the story, so the deaths from here on out will likely continue to shock me as I have no idea who could be the next to bite the dust. Can’t wait for more!
12/18/2020 c24 Reign of Winter
Alright another chapter done! This was a pretty packed chapter as well, and definitely not what I was expecting. Anyways, let’s get into it.

Niklaus: I’m very happy to see the two of them are doing okay after falling into that cavern, but I feel as if Niklaus is unfairly angry at Poem for that debacle. I mean, was she supposed to know the ground would open up to swallow her? I guess it was a beneficial thing in the end, because they’ve learnt a valuable lesson from it. Caution. That creature sounds disturbing, I don’t know how that can be taken down!

Vesuvia: You’re really beginning to put an emphasis on Vesuvia’s internal malicious intent, with the foreshadowing of Jasper “not having anything to worry about for now”. Also the lack of remorse, and the vocalised satisfaction of Dill’s neck snapping, damn she’s going to be the one to beat isn’t she? I like how Jasper is smart enough to blindly follow her, he sure seems to have his reservations and is keeping her at bay a little more now. I wonder how their sponsor gift will play out...

Diana: Well this certainly establishes that Diana is not interested in Magnus - or any boy really - but I do notice how their alliance seems a little more stable yet again from where we were a few chapters ago. Diana seems content with Magnus having her bow, only because she has made it her mission to locate the other one. I also liked how you mentioned what has happened in the time between their last appearance, how the only person they’ve seen is Gemini with his newly acquired (and apparently very dangerous) whip.

Ramses: Yeah Ramses seems to be struggling a bit, both mentally and physically. I feel like he isn’t going to be of much use until something happens to him that drives him to fight, something along the lines of Orion dying or something like that. That being said, he could die before Orion, I really don’t know at this point. All I know, that it’ll be a tragic story between the pair.

Kileigh: I think this is Kileigh’s first appearance since the Bloodbath, and naturally she’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. I always knew her pacifist mindset would be problematic for her, but I figured it would be tested a little more. It is quite interesting to see her opinions gradually shift as her life begins to be endangered, and should she have survived a little longer, I feel as if she would have eventually succumbed to the need to break her morals entirely.

Porscha: But of course, Kileigh will never get the chance. I’m not going to lie, I saw this playing out eventually, but I didn’t think it would happen the chapter after it was set up. It’s very unfortunate for Kileigh, she didn’t deserve that death and I wish she could have gotten her message across. Of course, I can understand that the situation caused her to panic and as a result she wasn’t thinking coherently, but it also makes me lose respect for Porscha. She didn’t even give her the chance to talk, she just acted according to her blind rage. I did laugh at the ‘my girlfriend’ part however, because I caught myself thinking the exact same thing that Kai’sa responded with, that being ‘Girlfriend?’. I guess there have been hints of Porscha’s feelings, but I hadn’t thought it had become official or anything, and according to Kai’sa neither had she lmao.

I wonder when Porscha will find out that she wrongfully killed Kileigh, and how she will react to that. I feel like her and Kai’sa are going to have a very awkward conversation about that kill and the girlfriend situation. Great chapter as per usual, I’ll read and review the next one tomorrow and then I’ll be up to date!
12/16/2020 c23 Reign of Winter
Oh man I’m so sorry for being so delayed with the reviewing, it’s been a busy month so I haven’t really had the chance to properly sit down, read, and review. I’m a couple of chapters behind now, so I’ll probably skim through on this review to save some time. Forgive me if I forgot anything major that has occurred in this chapter, I read it a while ago now so I might not recall some things.

Orion: So I see their relationship is running smoothly lmao. I always find it amusing when tributes in SYOT’s go from a fling to a full blown relationship calling each other ‘babe’ within a few days, but I guess considering the idea of the Hunger Games, you don’t have the span of a month to flesh out a proper romance. Nothing too major here other than establishing that Orion and Ramses are okay, with Orion still healing. I suspect they’ll get some action in the near future, and the lack of suspense and violence here is made up for within the next few povs.

Nevaeh: I always have to double check how to spell her name haha. Much like the previous POV, this was sort of helping to establish how the pair from Seven are holding up after the bloodbath, with both of them appearing to be quite fine aside from the depressed spirits. But damn, the mutt came out of nowhere, I certainly wasn’t expecting anything of the sort to happen so soon after the bloodbath, but here we are! It seems like the bird was more concerned by what they took, rather than just blindly attacking them, so luckily they came out of that alive. However, it seems to have taken a slight toll on Nevaeh as she feels responsible.

Cassiopeia: Yep, I found myself holding my breath when the Mini Careers were so close by to Cassie, you do a really good job of providing suspense in your stories, I really have to commend you on that. Anyways, this is where the chapter really kicked into gear, I honestly didn’t expect Pierce to run into Cassie again so soon, if at all. I do suppose you had them run into each other the first time for a reason, and I’m honestly impressed that Cassie had it in her to keep true to her threats that if they met again, she wouldn’t spare him again. But wow, I did NOT expect that to be so brutal - the stab to the eye was visceral enough, but pulling it out and having it float in the water? I honestly laughed reading that, mainly in disbelief at how disturbingly you described it. Ultimately, Cassie has just been the catalyst in what is going to be a shitstorm of an arc, which I will address later.

Gemini: I honestly still don’t understand how Gemini has grown such an unhealthy attachment and resentment towards Camilla in the span of a week, when she really didn’t do anything directly to him. I guess some people are just saying unstable like that, and Gemini seems to be headed in that direction. However, aside from that, things are looking up for him now that he has acquired what sounds like a pretty badass weapon. I hope he’s not going to set out to kill Camilla over this, but honestly anything could happen. I don’t know if he is a lost cause yet, but if I’ve learnt anything from SYOT’s, the arena is certainly not good for a tribute’s mental health.

Magnus: To my surprise, the three of them actually managed to repair the tension that was between them in their last appearance? Consider me impressed, maybe they will last a little longer as an alliance than I thought. Anyways, onto the major event of this POV, Pierce. What. The. Fuck. From losing the one eye, he completely snapped and apparently gouged out his other eye in some way? Pierce why would you do that? Naturally, this leads to his death, and puts Magnus on the kill board which was inevitable. Initially, I had no idea what you were doing by killing Pierce here, because I had figured he was going to be used for Kileigh, however that does get cleared up next so I’ll get onto that in a moment. Rip Pierce, I can’t say you were my favourite, and I expected you to go early, but your demise is going to create a very interesting plot point for the future.

Porscha: It seems that Porscha and Kai’sa have made it out of their hidden cave without issue, and it’s good to see that they’ve acquired some nice supplies in doing so. Of course, the main focus however is when the pair stumble across the corpse of Pierce. As soon as I read the part about Kai’sa asking who uses a bow, I saw exactly what you were doing; framing the murder on Kileigh so that Porscha wanting wrongful vengeance on her as a result. Now I see why Pierce survived the bloodbath, to set this arc up in glorious fashion, bravo Para this is going to be awesome! I suspect this will get really messy with tributes going after other tributes for the wrong reasons, I’m definitely here for it. I also predict Kileigh will be forced to become violent in order to defend herself, whether or not it works out for her is a mystery for now.

Fantastic chapter, it’s really starting to get serious now! I’ll probably get the next two reviews done over the course of the the next two days, I can’t wait to see what those chapters hold!
12/14/2020 c24 2LiveFreeOrDie
Alas, it's the end of my dear Kileigh's journey. Admittedly, I wasn't able to follow this story as closely as I did with B&B, mostly because of my schedule. But anyway, you did a great job portraying her cognitive dissonance and how she could've been turning the corner regarding her beliefs. There's also the neat "side-plot" of Kileigh mistakenly believing that Pierce killed Zachary, and Porscha mistakenly believing that Kileigh killed Pierce because of that. Of course, that begs the question: who killed Pierce, and why did they do it so violently?

I can always count on you to provide an in-depth exploration for every tribute, even those who fall early in the Games. Realistically, Kileigh wasn't meant to make it that far given her background (especially compared to Amaris), and I'm content where she ended up. Too bad she had to be killed by one of my least favorite tributes...

Going forward, I'm probably gonna hop on the Vesuvia bandwagon. Also rooting for Cassiopeia.

And btw, I'm still hoping to see Amaris again in a future story ;)
12/12/2020 c24 17Firedawn'd
HI PARA. it’s been a hot sec but I’m here and getting around to review your amazing work and stunning writing and ! ahhhh.

nikalus. can I just say I love him and poem so much. “thrum of the organ against the side of the risen skin, tasting its murmur between his teeth and thickly over his tongue” gosh Para what a wonderful description— i could just feel it so well and honestly everything in his pov was spectacular. and that ending? HHH omg.

you talked to me about Diana’s pov and holy shIT I am speechless. it was so absolutely perfect. like from the beginning of her commentating on magnus’s showboating and her remaining more than unaffected was just SO ENTERTAINING. that bit about Portia I’m crying lmao. and then. everything about her and Magnus and the underlying tension and her trying to find flaws in his shooting and then the SECOND BOW and just. Para i am so damnnnn excited for the plans you have for Diana you would NOT believe. Just like?

“Those muscles will run red with more than just sweat soon; all she must do is wait. Like the tide, she must wait.
And eventually, the tide does come crashing into the shore.” EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS LINE WAS AMAZING.

omfg Orion and Ramses. i love how you contrast their relationship with the utter isolation Ramses feels. just so well done.

Kileigh and the bow! jdnqlskdb oh gosh. i am fearful but excited to see what happens.

IDNKSOWKNDDK. GIRLFRIEND HAHA HOLY SHIT. i continue to enjoy kai’sa and porscha’s dynamic... enjoy might not be the right word but I am truly enraptured.

and holy hell. Kileigh’s death was absolutely brutal but so well done. “It will not wash off the stench of death off of her skin, it will not wash away Porscha Watanabe's sins.” JDJSKWPKSNSM. gosh just. AHHH. Dx

thank you for writing, this was amazing!
11/25/2020 c22 1Reign of Winter
A bit of a calm chapter, one that I sort of expected as usually the chapters directly after a bloodbath are to establish where everyone is set. Anyways, let’s get into it!

Pierce: Again, Pierce was one that I picked as a Bloodbath, however I can definitely see why you have kept him around - well at least I think I do. I believe he is going to be the driving reason for Kileigh to betray her pacifism and hunt him down, only for her to discover that it wasn’t him that killed Zach. Anyways, Pierce seems like he will spend a lot of his time hiding in the arena. His interaction with Cassie made it pretty clear that nobody is likely to ally with him after what he did to Zachary, and I dare say if he runs into most other tributes, he is likely to get killed.

Cami: I liked this POV a lot, it helped establish where on the spectrum of violence each member of this alliance is. Clearly Portia is appearing a little evil right now, but what got me is how surprised and scared Cami has become of Nokomis, which is very understandable. You think you have a friendship with a nice person and then BAM, she skewers a twelve year old showing zero remorse. There’s a bit of a rift, a fracture if you will, between the three of them now, and it’s either going to grow further, or Cami is going to adapt and develop a killer instinct. The most important thing however, is thankfully Cami is on to Portia, she knows she’s up to no good and wants her gone. I just pray it doesn’t lead to her demise. I feel as if Cami’s thoughts on Nokomis are probably a little tarnished now, so she may try and mend the damage that she’s done - however the way Nokomis acted during her kill definitely contradicts any justifications she may try to make.

Jasper: These two seem pretty safe for now, I can’t imagine Vesuvia dying any time soon, and I feel as if for that reason, Jasper will stick around a while as well. The interesting thing between these two however will be Jasper’s perception of Vesuvia. We know she isn’t necessarily a good person, and already Jasper seems conflicted between his feelings for her, and the person she has revealed herself to be. More to develop here I’m sure, but for now they’re going strong. We also find out that Vesuvia was in prison for murder, unsurprising considering what we’ve seen, but considering many people have killed others as they just experienced a war, one can only wonder what the circumstances were that put her in prison.

Poem: Wholesome af. I love these two together, and I love them both as characters. It’s relieving to see Poem finally coming to terms with what she’s put herself into, and I just hope it doesn’t end for her too soon. She’s a great character and is refreshing to read in contrast to the more conniving and sinister tributes. I’m loving Niklaus’ character development as well, from a junkie to someone taking responsibility and caring for someone he has feelings for, something which was entirely foreign to him due to people using him for more nefarious activities. My heart dropped a little when the ground opened up and they fell in, but I was relieved to discover they didn’t die. Hopefully they’re okay!

Catalus: Despite being the ‘threatening’ group of the Games, already the cracks are beginning to form for their inevitable conflict. I don’t know how long their alliance will hold up, however I can’t imagine it will end well considering the hostility shown in this chapter. I must admit, it was nice seeing Catalus stick up for himself despite his poor score. Now although I can understand that they were District Partners, I have to agree with Diana’s decision to kill Cecelia to save Catalus. What did he want her to do? Shoot her to injure her and leave her in pain, possibly experiencing a drawn out death? Or just allow her to stab him while he was unsuspecting? Catalus my friend, she had to die at some point, and that was the best scenario for both her and yourself!

Kai’sa: So we see the faces in the sky for the very first time, and yeah most that died were undeserving. However, it had to happen, and both these girls understand that. They seem pretty well placed at the moment, no injuries and some nice supplies, starting to full grasp the situation they’re in. Kai’sa is apparently ready to kill Ramses, which definitely shows that she has the mindset capable of getting her the win. Then we are led to the most important part, they also discover a secret place just as Poem and Niklaus did. I’m sure there are a lot of secrets the arena holds, but I have to wonder does this lead to the same place as Poem and Niklaus? The sword shattering was unfortunate, but at least they still have other weapons. I guess I’ll have to wait to find out where this entrance goes!

Great chapter once again! I’ll probably wait until you post the first chapter of Red Silence before brainstorming a tribute, but this does make me wonder, is Liberty a one off story? Or will a sequel for the 2nd Hunger Games come after the two of you finish Red Silence? I can’t wait to see what happens next!
11/6/2020 c21 dyloccupy
been meaning to review this fantastic bb but of course this website decided it didn’t want to work anymore :)

ok so overall this was such an intense start to games. although it was a smaller bb, there was plenty of action!

miss diana truly stole the show during the chapter...queen! the deaths weren’t terribly surprising, but gosh will i miss those cuties! especially calen!

super pleased to see nevaeh and sylvan escape with some good loot. definitely surprised sylvan is already thinking about his own ally as an enemy when she lit rally got him supplies, but, this is the hunger games! so he ain’t wrong lol.

this arena sounds so creepy and foreboding...can’t wait to see what horrors you plan to unleash!

hype hype hype for what’s coming next!
11/2/2020 c21 17Firedawn'd
Para! I’m so sorry that I didn’t review earlier, but this BB absolutely enraptured me— I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read it since you dropped it. And OH MY GOSH. WHAT A BLOODBATH. You’ve teased it and it absolutely PROVIDED SO MUCH.

CAN I JUST SAY? DIANA? She absolutely stole the showwww holy SHIT and I wasn’t sure in a good way or a bad way when you teased it to be but I was not expecting THIS. AND IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE. HER USING EVERYONE AS TARGET PRACTICE? CLIMBING ONTO THE TOP OF THE CORNUCOPIA? Holy hell. You did her so well and THAT LITTLE BIT AT THE END. ABOUT HOW SHE SHOOTS TO KILL... omg I’m so excited for this holy shit.

And the BB deaths :( Calen... he was sweet but yeah he definitely could not have matched up to Portia, and it meant a fitting end. Cecelia was a death I saw coming, but holy shit NOT LIKE THIS. I’m so interested in seeing how this’ll go considering that Catalus is in a difficult position right now and just! And rip to Dill and Zachary.

Poem and Niklaus are the sweetest. That is all.

Thank you so much for writing! Can’t wait for the Arena chapters... your arena is TASTY and oh boy. I cannot wait to see where this goes!
11/2/2020 c21 6Platrium
I didn't review immediately because I was in a hurry finishing my own creations last Saturday. I also didn't take notes while reading the chapter, but I digested the gist of it, so I shall now give my thoughts!

The arena seems to hide a lot of surprises for now. For a low bloodbath count, I know there's more to this arena that will unfold later.

Zachary continuing the curse? Oof. Watch me submit a smart kid and break the curse. XD I thought his arc with Pierce would go beyond the bloodbath, and underestimating him for age is simply overrated, so I didn't do that. Sad to see him go though.

Dill is someone I didn't really expect much from. For Vess to brutally go after him shows that she's here to put her head in the games. That death was gory but good!

I thought there was more to Cecelia, and once again, I didn't underestimate her for age. I just fell for any foreshadowing that hinted her doing greater things. Oh well...

Calen? Ooh... I thought he'd last a while for arc-related purposes, and indeed, he was arc material, but he died here. Wow. Portia is stepping up her game. I wanna see where it goes with Calen gone. Last time my tribute won, she was seen as a threat by one tribute and that tribute died in the bloodbath. Could this be Portia's winning move? I wonder. It's still too early to tell, but I wanna see where she goes with Nokomis and Camilla within her bounds.

Now to the survivors I'm surprised with. Let's see...

I underestimated Niklaus because I knew how he was initially submitted by someone else then just built upon by another person. It's an interesting involvement, and I saw it here first before seeing someone else do something similar too. Anyway, that was a factor as to why I pegged Niklaus as bloodbath. It's nice to see that he's more than just an extra dead body for the bloodbath. I don't think he'll go top 8 far, but I'm interested to see how he'll do with Poem. As for Poem, she's too weak and would've been too predictable as a bloodbath, so I knew she'd survive it.

Cassiopeia is someone whom I was convinced with not making it past the bloodbath. It's not because of her age btw. Her whole story pretty much screamed Amalie, and I knew she's not going anywhere with that. Interesting that she's still around. I wonder what is next for her.

That's all I have to say for now. I'm excited for the rest of this story to roll! OwO
11/1/2020 c21 3Asmodeus Stahl
Now this is where the fun begins! Not gonna lie, I'm very surprised that Poem's still alive considering how she did absolutely nothing in training. Istg, she's going to win and you're just going to laugh at all of us for not seeing that coming. I'll be sure to take note not to submit an overly intelligent character for your next SYOT. Keep up the great work!

(Also, how the heck does this not even have 50 follows/favorites? It's got almost 140 reviews and this is what I call some quality writing.)
10/31/2020 c21 1Reign of Winter
And so it begins... another beautifully written Bloodbath, and a perfect one to kick off the very first Hunger Games! So I’ll go through my thoughts on all of the events, I’ll also discuss how my predictions turned out as well as my final thoughts on the perished tributes. Here we go.

I like how you didn’t start the chapter from a specific POV, but rather a narration that set the scene, and briefly mentioned how a portion of the tributes were acting. It also really added to the suspense of it, and it helped set up some things that were going to be happening in the upcoming POV’s such as Poem being horrified, and Calen preparing to confront Portia in an effort to assist his district partner. The arena seems quite interesting, a lot of distinguishable and conflicting terrain from the sounds of it, beautiful and enticing yet toxic (not in the sickly way) and Capitol made. Now we get to the tributes.

Nokomis: You started off with Nokomis, which threw me off a little because I had no idea which way it would go for her. She didn’t have any specific conflicts that needed to be addressed in the Bloodbath, and I considered her likely to survive the beginning, so I was curious. And wow, I didn’t expect what happened next. First I’ll just say the fact that only one person ran forward was a nice touch, this was all brand new to them, they would absolutely be apprehensive and uncertain of what to do. Of course the explosive threats combined with arrow shots from Diana kicked everything into gear and that leads us to the first death of the Games. I didn’t expect it to be Zachary to be honest, I had him marked as a 50/50, as I believed either he or Pierce was destined to die. I did think Pierce was more likely to die, but I think I can see where you’re going with that story so it makes sense as to why he survived. I was a little taken aback by how ruthless Nokomis was with that kill, pretty much without a hint of mercy. I do think she’ll be a bit of a dark horse in the arena.

Dill: Yeah I did see this kill coming, and I think it was the right decision. It was a nice send off I thought, with him being on good terms with Cassie, but unfortunately the Games caught up with him. It was also Vesuvia’s first arena kill, the first of many I have to assume because she seems pretty enthralled by the whole thing. It’ll be interesting to see how Cassie reacts to the death of Dill, because I think it has potential to drive her character forward in a vengeful manner.

Sylvan: Poor Kileigh, as soon as Zachary died I had a feeling that Kileigh wouldn’t die. Now she has a conflict with Pierce, and I’m sure she’s going to break her pacifist code for revenge. Anyways, Sylvan was pretty lucky to escape, and with Nevaeh as well! Not much else to go on about here other than acknowledging that these two survived.

Niklaus: I adore both Niklaus and Poem, and I’m soooo happy they both survived the bloodbath. I had them both as 50/50, because I was hoping their story could continue and I’m glad you’ve decided to go for that route. Poem acted as expected, being frightened and hiding, but I’m glad she didn’t die as a result. However, a big kudos to Niklaus, as he single-handedly got supplies, fought off Magnus, and got the two of them out of there on one piece! I think there is more to these two characters in the future, I feel like at least one of them can get pretty far!

Diana: I did expect Diana to get a kill, and it just had to be little Cecelia. She was another one I labelled as a bloodbath, so I can’t say I’m too shocked. What did surprise me is she really did go to kill Catalus, was she really THAT angry with him? It’ll be interesting to see how Catalus responds to that, I’m sure he will feel conflicted. Diana also developing a bit of bloodlust out of the whole thing, I mean she has been set up to be that type of person. As we all expected, this alliance is going to be one we have to look out for.

Portia: Ughh she’s evil! I don’t understand how Nokomis and Cami are trusting enough of her to let her join! Now she’s going to groom them until they get backstabbed, it’s just a matter of which one. And now Calen is dead, which was a little saddening because I did grow to like his character. I had him as a 50/50 for a reason, because he definitely had the capacity to go further, but obviously he didn’t fit into your future vision, hence his death. The way he went out was very noble though, there was no spite for Nokomis and Cami, and the fact that confronted Portia to protect them was wholesome. However, as soon as it happened I knew he wouldn’t come out of that fight alive, Portia’s story isn’t done yet.

Alright! Time to give my departing thoughts on the deceased.

Zachary was a lovely character, I wouldn’t say he was a favourite for me but I appreciate the younger tributes as usually there aren’t many of them. I expected his intelligence to take him a little further, but I suppose his age and physique was too much of a liability. RIP.

Dill was pleasant, but unfortunately he fell into the background a little too much, which was always going to happen with such notable and prominent characters. He had an interesting backstory, but it didn’t do him any favours in the arena. RIP.

Cecelia was cute, and a change up from your traditional District 1 girl, which was a great opportunity due to the lack of careers. I appreciated what she brought to the story, but I did expect her to die fairly early. RIP.

Calen is probably the tribute I’m most sad about seeing die here, I grew to enjoy his character and I loved the friendly bond he and Nokomis developed despite how hurt he was from feeling left out. He went out valiantly, and I’m sorry we didn’t get to see more of him in the arena. RIP.

Very eventful chapter, and m very excited for the next! I’m stoked that Cami survived, but a little concerned due to Portia. I have no idea as to who could die next, but consider me intrigued!
10/31/2020 c21 2LiveFreeOrDie
Not having a lot of bloodbath deaths makes sense since this is the first Hunger Games. I am however a little disappointed that none of the tributes who died were in an alliance, which I felt would've shaken things up a bit and added some unpredictability into the mix.

Of course, I'm thrilled that Kileigh is still alive as she could've easily died given her background.

The arena sounds interesting - looks like a lot of variation. I probably would've preferred the tributes gradually discovering more and more of it, rather than us being told up front what it is.
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