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10/29/2020 c1 Guest
Guest chapter 1 . Apr 29
WARNING! Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning! Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom and her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the More-government decided that best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died. Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a Monday night at 12:00 a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn't. This isn't fake. apparently, if you copy and paste this to ten comments in the next ten minutes you will have the best day of your life will either get kissed or asked out, if you break this chain u will see a little dead girl in you...dgsgs
4/29/2020 c1 Guest
WARNING! Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning! Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom and her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the More-government decided that best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died. Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a Monday night at 12:00 a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn't. This isn't fake. apparently, if you copy and paste this to ten comments in the next ten minutes you will have the best day of your life will either get kissed or asked out, if you break this chain u will see a little dead girl in you.
4/17/2020 c1 Guest
Juskfiakccjsj please continue! I hate cliffhangers
4/13/2020 c1 Supermel1
at this point... please do continue.
3/20/2020 c1 7RitzyGreen
Wow, that was one intense prologue! It got me hooked right off the bat. Besides looking forward to what will happen next, I'm also really curious about the events that led up to the fire, why they were looking for Coop, and where the rest of the squad is. Also, I adore soulmate AUs so I am 100% down for that.

As for theories, I'm guessing those three mysterious figures at the end are somehow related to Hacker? Maybe he's got minions that he's sending around to different cyber sites to take control of them while he attacked Motherboard, or since this is a collab maybe they're the suits from SuperRed's Emphasis? Also, since MB shut down does that mean the squad can't go back to Earth?

On the critique-y side of things; I noticed some grammatical errors. Some sentences would've been easier to read with a comma to break things up, and some bits of dialogue ended with a comma when it should've been a period. Unless you're putting something like 'he said' right after the dialogue, it shouldn't end with a comma. Near the beginning, you wrote, "Digit held his head as he nodded no over and over". Wouldn't it be 'shook' or 'as he shook it' instead of 'nodded'? Also, when Coop first saw Inez he said "Est", what did that mean? Sorry if that seems dumb or nitpicky, but I couldn't figure it out.

Good job! Can't wait to see what happens next!
3/13/2020 c1 guest
Hey dude! Welcome! Cool story so far, youre a good writer!
3/14/2020 c1 ashleecornia24
Chapter 2
3/14/2020 c1 ashleecornia12
chapter 2

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