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for Painful Smile

5/12/2020 c1 James Birdsong
Nice one-shot.
5/6/2020 c1 KiboCross
This is a really cute one-shot!

The ending narration was the best part and your utilization of flowery language for Endurance's voice was great! I'm gushing over this ship! Your version of Haseo/Ryou really cares a lot for Endurance and its shows..

"I'll never leave you Ryou. I wouldn't be able to even if I wanted to. It's as if fate has decided that there's something. between us. Riding the wave of surging emotions, the lonely boys found a new adventure to explore."

For improvement:
Consider how you utilize adverbs. They worked effectively in dialogue however some lines might of benefitted from other literary techniques. Try similes and metaphors when you’re trying to convey emotion, and for action, use strong verbs to show it happening in real time

Overall, this was fun read! Thank you for writing this and I hope you continue!

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