Just In
Community
Forum
More
for Do I Let It Be? (No, You Tell Him Everything)

3/1/2020 c1 4kreekey
Gahhh (kinda bitter-)sweet love set towards the bittersweet end of the band is lowkey one of my favorite tropes haha. I also enjoy the characterization here, it's cute. The way you give us an insight into John and Paul's relationship... "A few more tears rolled down his cheeks, the ones that John always said made him look like a baby"! I love it. I think it's nice the way it's an old (fond?) memory.

Also the line "He just stood in the doorstep". I love that. I love that it isn't melodramatic. That whole paragraph, really.

The only thing I noticed I suppose you could call a crit (but I hope it's more constructive than anything) it's that some sentences read as dry when I think more emotion could be put into it. Or possibly show more. Like the scene where Paul suddenly starts crying despite himself I feel like could describe his panic more maybe? A bit more in depth on it. That might just be me wanting more of your writing though.

I also think this could've been made longer just because everything seemed to move quickly in a pretty short time frame, like when John just decides to go to this ladies house. Although, that action does sound John-like.

But overall May all your Lucy's have Diamonds. This was so sweet, I think. I like the way you wrote John particularly because John realizing he's an arsehole and trying to make himself better and also more vulnerable sounds so genuinely like some parts of his life.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service