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12/13/2020 c13 21Nail Strafer
This ending left me feeling unsatisfied. Story feels more like it simply stopped rather than having a proper ending. I wanted to know more about the Wardens, and why they do what they do, or if they might return later. You write lots and lots of one shots rather than sticking with long stories for the most part, so I don't expect this'll get followed up on in a sequel though.

It was an interesting idea, taking something from leaked beta files and making it into a story. I wished it had developed more from there though. I felt myself starting to lose interest after Chapter 10, because by that point the characters had finished their development and all that was left to do was watch things play out. There weren't many interesting surprises after that point.

Don't have a lot else to say. The first 2/3 of the story were interesting and a nice buildup, but I came away feeling like this story should've been longer than it is, and the Wardens shouldn't have been defeated so quickly.
12/12/2020 c12 Nail Strafer
I would've liked there to be better setup for this plan where Efi hacks one of the Warden's missiles and sends it back. There doesn't seem to be much setup for it other than a few throwaway lines that Efi can hack drones.

If I was meant to get the impression that Efi is capable of doing something like this from prior chapters, then the story needs to do a better job showing that. Like maybe she lets herself out of the brig, or she is able to take control of ROB and the Great Fox at some point. This is meant to be a pivotal moment in the plot, so it really needs better foreshadowing.

Aside from that I do like how this was written where the missile had to get dangerously close to the Great Fox, and then the sudden turnaround where Fox has to defend the missile instead of trying to shoot it down.

Maybe a little more detail could've been added to this scene though. Felt kind of barebones.

The end of the chapter sets the tone well. I'm feeling the same as the characters. Yes, they won, but it was at a heavy cost, and this doesn't feel like a time for celebration.

One question's in my head now though...what's next? I still have a lot of questions like what's going to happen to Efi now, where the Wardens came from and what their motives are, and what Efi will do with herself now.
12/4/2020 c11 Nail Strafer
Oh, Star Fox, you fools :P This is the first major appearance of the antagonists in the story! You can't beat them in their first appearance, otherwise there'd be no plot!

You know, I think you could've embellished it a bit more at the start where Fox was concerned that shooting down the missiles might cause them to detonate and kill all of them. Come to think of it, I wonder why the Warden's missiles didn't have the ability to do that and just inflict a total party kill on the cast? Of course, there'd be no story then either :P

Hehe, Whinnyham attempting to negotiate with the Warden felt spot on for her character. Bet you she dies before this is over.

Well, guess we'll see next chapter what Efi does to save the day.
12/1/2020 c11 Guest
Hmm... could set the Epona’s reactor to explode and ram it into the Warden ship. The “Carrier of Peace” method
11/22/2020 c10 Nail Strafer
CHAPTER 4

Why would James McCloud haunt the Great Fox? If this were the main continuity (64/Adventures/Assault/Command) it'd make sense, but in your continuity the Great Fox doesn't appear until long after James is gone. It's just that whenever I see a ghost haunting a place, it's usually because they had a personal connection to it in the past, but that's not the case here.

Heh, they have a SNES. I like that. Also I guess the thing that interested me most about the crew quarters description was that Fay had a lot of siblings.

CHAPTER 5

Eri's from Atlas? So Starlink? Then again later you seem to hint that Atlas may just be Earth with a new name. I didn't play that far into Starlink though so I don't actaully know much about 'Atlas' other than the name's related to that game.

It amused me when Miyu mentioned she thought she'd become a zombie or mutate into another human since she'd been bit though. Miyu's lack of tact suits her too, when she just blurts out everyone else on her ship is dead.

Also definitely interesting throwing it back in Fox's face that he was told straight up that his father was dead. Don't think that's an apples to apples comparison though, given this situation's a little different compared to when James died.

CHAPTER 6

Oooh, so for some reason Efi was considered the most important one on the generation ship, which is why the statis pods were shut down on the others first. That's interesting.

So Wardens sent the ship that destroyed Atlas. Wonder if later in the story they'll show up at Lylat and the group will have to fight them.

Whinnyham...you know, there were other characters revealed in that Star Fox 2 leak so I wonder if this character might be based on one of them.

CHAPTER 7

Heh, Whinnyham...Epona...horse. Actually wondered if she'd be a horse once Epona came up.

Guess Wihinnyham's not as nice as Epona though, with her attitude towards Star Fox and towards Efi. Anyway good way to set up a conflict within the team, where Fox wants to stick to the law and get paid but Miyu feels differently. I do think it's interesting to have Fox be a little morally grey here yet resentful when Miyu points it out.

Typo: "Fara's hand was smarting." Think you meant to have this be Miyu.

CHAPTER 8

Neat how Miyu reflects upon her old CDF badge.

You know, this chapter's a good example of how I don't think you need that prologue chapter, like we discussed via PMs. If you're going to have the characters discuss the same backstory between themselves, then the info dump prologue's redundant. I don't think it's a big deal to wait until now to have it be discussed.

CHAPTER 9

Heh, man...Miyu's plan is hopelessly optimistic right now, isn't it? Just try to talk both Fox AND Whinnyham out of doing this with Efi?

Why even bother having a gun if you're just going to throw it away immediately like that?

You know, I wonder if it may have been more prudent for Fox to ask Whinnyham about what she plans to do with Efi before they decide to fight to protect Efi. Star Fox is making a lot of assumptions right now, aren't they? Was kinda frustrated they didn't consider doing this. Then again if they did there's nothing stopping Whinnyham from lying about how Efi would be treated well.

Also, considering Star Fox took on entire Andross armadas, I feel like they stand a chance against a Cornerian supercarrier. Again, kinda surprised no one mentions this. Falco kinda mentions it when he says Cornerian fighters are superior but I still feel like they could win against that.

CHAPTER 10

I don't think Whinnyham would need to target the Star Fox team directly. She could probably target the Great Fox's engines instead, and threaten to destroy them. It'd be a good way to get her point across without having to worry as much about the loss of life. Because without the Great Fox running, the Star Fox team is stranded out in space without anywhere to go really, since the Arwings don't have much range.

Anyway though neat scenario with both sides playing at dogfighting but refusing to fire at each other, in spite of the two of them having each other in their sights.

Ha, called it. The Wardens were gonna show up later, huh? Good thing they showed up when they did or that could've been uglier between Whinnyham and the Star Fox team.
11/20/2020 c10 Lord demon
Efi was in cryo sleep for a long time anything could happen in that time, if star fox found the cloak ship coming to the lyallt system, Edi would be surprised to the human race had made an alliance with other alien species from humanoids, fungoid, reptilians, lithoids, machines, holograms, avian, plantoid, mammalian, insectoid, and molluscoid all were occupied by the wardens
11/20/2020 c10 Guest
(The guest mentioned in the AN)
The whole bit was basically a way to berate Whinnyham and make her subordinates (who would likely be listening in) question the morality of what they are doing and the potential consequences of those actions. It was mainly the first thing that came to mind... and a bit of an Arnold Schwarzenegger reference.
11/20/2020 c10 Guest
The story is getting exciting, hope to see what unknown faction is getting involved.

Also there actually was a leak hinting a relationship. Link was filtered as spam last time.

I-m-g-u-r a/Y9Hzgmw
11/18/2020 c9 Guest
Ego should say to Whinnyham “If you’re gonna kill me, you better do it now. Come on, do it. Kill an unarmed refugee, possibly the last of the species, you genocidal psychopath. Though, if I’m not the last human, you better hope you treat me well. Humans react poorly to aliens mistreating their kin.”
11/15/2020 c3 Nail Strafer
I had my eye on this story for a while, considering I know you mostly for writing lots and lots of one-shots. So to see you do a multi-chapter story with cover art definitely got my attention. And I see you're following the Super Nintendo continuity too, which again interests me a lot since like I said on your other story you don't see many people acknowledging it exists.

CHAPTER 1

The big info dump in the prologue definitely did bother me, sorry to say. You do have a point though about how it may be hard to otherwise establish quickly that this is the SNES continuity and not the regular one. Somehow I feel like it could've been done in a better way though. Like, maybe the first scene is showing Fox at his hideout on Papetoon or something, and dropping a lot of references to events in the comics?

And jeez...does looking back at these games show how utterly silly it is how many times Andross has somehow come back to life to threaten the system again. You could make a drinking game out of it. I actually make fun of this in one of my Star Fox short stories even. You think Nintendo could've come up with other ways to keep bringing him back for future media.

CHAPTER 2

Miyu's and Fay's argument about minutes was funny, although I think the joke went on for too long.

You did a good job making the end of this chapter creepy though, plus a good line for Fay to end on when she blasts that woman with a stun setting.

CHAPTER 3

Ooooh...I didn't make the connection this was the woman who was found in the leftover files from Star Fox 2. Really neat connection there. I wouldn't have thought of making a story out of that. To be honest, I think you should emphasize this more in your summary, because a 'human in the Star Fox setting' is a pretty popular plot in this archive, from what I can tell. I think you'd get more readers that way.

Is she speaking...Latin, I guess? Some bits of it remind me of Latin.

Anyway I think I'll read to the end when I get a chance.
10/9/2020 c4 Guest
I'm curious as to where you're going to take this story. I know you said you're taking the human character from the leaks but are you going to do things like have her be in some kind of relationship with Fox which was implied by the leaks or something else?

/a/Y9Hzgmw
10/2/2020 c3 ZILLAFAN
Controversial? 25% of Star Fox fics are basically human-based.
10/2/2020 c3 Guest
Clearly the human needs to charge at the Xenos and slaughter them in hand-to-hand combat for the glory of the God-Emperor
9/30/2020 c2 11Phantom1968
Wait...is it over already? WHAT?! Seriously though, I can't wait for the next chapter.
9/25/2020 c1 Gunwolf.45
That was an interesting thing, luckily no facehuggers.

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