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6/8 c3 Burnao
It looks pretty damn interesting! I'd rather find out when Sam and Tork will meet! I feel this will be another great viperxhuman story)
6/5 c3 3Kraft58
Okay so I've finally got time to read and review this... and I have some mixed opinions. There were a lot of grammar issues through the first half, but as you started introducing Aaron that all tapered off to an enjoyable experience. The half with Sam and Robert did feel slow, but I think that was the point. You needed to show the aftermath of the explosion, the hurt victims, them getting the help needed, and the overwhelming numbers which threatened the staff. Let me say, those medics aren't paid enough lol it kind of reminded me of the film Pearl Harbor were the injured were rushing to the hospital and the nurse could only allow access to those who could be saved. I just got that uneasy vibe from it. I do have a minor nitpick. The nurse said the the ER was full and probably would be for the day. I'm not quite sure how fast these guys heal, but I would assume being admitted to the ER would be 2 to 3 days recovery if not more.

Second thing I would like to point out. I love the name Blueblood, it sounds like something I would throw into my books.

Last thing I want to say is, we now get introduced to Aaron's character and he sounds like a real badass, the big tough terminator guy who can kill you 100 meters away. The way he responds is just great. He sounds like a grump. He acts like he's invincible and ready to fight some alien scumbags. I love it.

Great chapter, just don't forget to really tighten your work up.
6/3 c3 4RioloverBardenBellaforlife
Hey, finally got to read some more xcom! It’s been so long, but im really happy to finally have a chance to continue. I loved getting to see sam and robert finally arrive at work and see some action. They got to tske csre if the victims from the explosion, wow! That’s a very big responsibility. I also thought it was hilarious the banter between Sam and robert before getting down to business. Especially the part where robert calls sam a poo head lol. That was really great hahahaha.

Also interesting to see this new recruit having arrived, Aaron hmmm. Coming to city 31 hoping to see some action after some not exciting times in New Mexico. Well we’ll see if he gets more than he bargains for. I thought it was funny also how salty he kept hetting when people were calling him kid lol. Well, act like a kid and get called that, it’s all i have to say lol.

Not a bad chapter. I think you made the right decision to postpone introducing that certain character hehe. Considering you were already introducing Aaron in this chapter. Don’t want to hit the readers over the head with too many new character lines. Well, im really happy that i got my xcom dose in finally. I don’t really expect the next chapter anytime soon honestly lol, but when it arrives, i’ll be ready!
6/3 c3 Fallenboi24500
Story is good. I love the characters and with at I’m off to the bottomless you next time :) 7 $ :3
6/2 c3 nanogrunt
Nice, hope to see more.
6/2 c3 6htffan951
Oooh what a fun chapter this was! The story with sam and robert feels slow but it seems like its picking up the pace a tad, and im excited to see where it goes.

Love this Aaron character, he seems rather strange. A weird mix of being exstreamly curious and easy to anger. Not really a combination of characteristics Id really think of putting together, but im intrested to see where you go with him! Im sure hes going to get his ass handed to him at some point which will be really funny to see.

Over all just a fun chapter and definitly a great start to a story. I wasnt the biggest fan of the first two chapters, but this story is starting to grow on me.
6/2 c3 1SphericalMan
All right. First of all, the obligatory "ARGH!" because there was no viper reveal in this chapter. :) I honestly thought the snake you described briefly in the hospital was going to be the 'patient' which would then evolve into the accompanying protagonist. But, hey, looking forward to chapter 4 where she is, hopefully, ultimately introduced.

Now for some tough love!
I enjoyed the story so far. Slightly confused by the whole X-Com tangent in the middle of chapter 3 but that's beside the point. The main two areas, where I feel you need the most improvement in, are definitely grammar and sentence structuring.

There are a lot of sentences, or sentences one after another, which use the same words (sometimes several of them in a row) instead of synonyms, which would make the thing flow more nicely. Just as an example, in the very last paragraph of chapter 3, you speak of Godmother telling Aaron to find a locker for himself. The next sentence immediately uses the word locker once more, where it could be substituted with 'locker', 'cabinet' or a descriptive set of terms to describe it.

The other one is, like I have mentioned earlier, sentence structure. At several points throughout the three chapters, I have found myself stopping, having to re-read the sentence (or paragraph) because of confusion of what had I had just read. Sometimes you forget punctuation in the middle, which creates even more of a tricky situation. For example, in chapter 3: "Crossing the threshold into the centre, seeing benches with many patients awaiting their appointments, mostly humans with a couple of hybrids and sectoids."
Crossing the threshold into the centre (of the room, I guess?) - and then nothing. Feels like there is something missing. IE. what did they do when getting to the center? Obviously, they saw many patients waiting for their appointments.

I feel a more elegant solution to such a sentence would have been: "Passing the threshold of the hospital and moving towards the reception, the two observed a great many patients - mostly humans with the odd hybrid and sectoid in the mix - waiting their turn for an appointment."

When we spoke, you said you didn't like making sentences overly long. I agree - up to a point. Long sentences are fine, as long as you properly structure them and add punctuation, letting the reader have an easy time going through it.

All in all, I am interested to see where this goes next and hope this review won't dissuade you from enjoying your writing. Instead, you can only get better at it the more you do it.
5/31 c3 Emiboss
Ommgg new chapter!
Along awaited one and great one too
Keep it up and stay safe!
5/25 c2 10Firestar001
Please continue this! This is amazing!
4/13 c2 11OMAC001
Interesting story so far. Don't give up on it!
2/28 c2 PhoenixGuy
I'll be watching
1/26 c2 Rinzoro
This has been an excellent read so far im excited for more
1/20 c2 djsmojo
dang this is great, following. love the world building never seen a cafe scene quite like that before. Love how the characters interact and the references to Chimera. Does this take place post game or during game?
1/14 c2 Look2021
Good Chapter (thanks for your words about my comment).
1/3 c2 3Kraft58
Hey Sam, I'm back for more. Looking through this and looking through your reviews, I think its time for another lesson. You are getting good at showing, however, you are falling into a pattern of info dumping, this happens when the author focuses on showing the wrong things.

For example

We don't need to know that the tables are white in color, just that they are metal. You should instead focus on how characters react to them. I cant see metal being overly comfortable.

Example: Sam sat back within his wooden rocking chair and listened to the groaning as it shifted beneath his weight.

Sam being cautious of the drink so he doesn't burn his tongue, we don't need to know its the drink, but that he's being careful not to burn his tongue.

Sam sipped the contents from the cup, careful not to burn his tongue.

Focus on short, detailed sentences and you'll do great. You mastered it in spyro. I know you can do it here.
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