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for Through Her Eyes Redux

12/25/2020 c7 7Amethyst Goldenwind
I liked the additional scene in Mavery's house. It offered some insight on their hatred towards humans, with the death of Caesar. It doesn't justify it, but it offers some light. As well as showing how much of an awful Koopa Mavery is. She's just a jerk. The even worse thought is that there are real people like her out in the world.
12/11/2020 c6 Amethyst Goldenwind
"It's called 'moving', sweetheart." Lol, I like that.

I liked how you ended it with them going to Mavery's house instead of where they just encountered her. Adding her notice of the robotic arm is a nice detail, as she didn't know about the trial. I liked the hint towards Saliday's condition, with the "Especially now." comment.

The way you described Stonebrim made it seem even gloomier than the original, which is what you were likely intending. Great job!
11/30/2020 c5 Amethyst Goldenwind
You did a great job! You managed to strengthen the scene while preserving the original mood.

What Singe says is true, people are too quick to judge. Even in real life, though we don't have different species to turn against, so we quarrel among ourselves... I wish we'd stop doing that, but I know it's impossible. People won't change. They refuse to. They can't see what's beyond their own hatred or stereotypes. It really makes me upset, but you showed the struggles of being on that other end of the hatred wonderfully.
11/17/2020 c4 Amethyst Goldenwind
Gosh, fishing like that must be really fun. I'm a bit envious.

The humor was improved for this chapter, especially with the raft! It's nice to see it has a name, now. The Starburst. I like that. I also liked 'The Starworst'. That joke made me laugh aloud.

I like how you show a bit more of the developing relationship between the two, with the fishing scene and even the little chat they had in the beginning.
11/16/2020 c3 Amethyst Goldenwind
I noticed that you chopped out the original chapter three.

Yes, that pun was completely intended. ;)

While I did like the original chapter three, it was sort of a filler. It did showcase a little on how their everyday lives are, but I'd rather jump right into the action, which is done here.

The emotions are captured very well, too! From Celia's reluctance to speak of her past, to Singe's fear at confronting Ruby. Keep up the great work!
11/12/2020 c2 Amethyst Goldenwind
I like how the time passing is introduced here. You show it through her clothes, as they are dirty and stiff. The broken leg is also shown better, and it also plays into the 'she's been in bed for a while'.

The section with One-Up Mushroom was a lot better. The power-up seemed inviting, but then Celia was in for a shock upon actually tasting it. A quite literal play on the phrase, 'looks can be deceiving'. It also makes sense that she finds out on her own, instead of Singe telling her. He's a Koopa, and he can't even eat power-ups. How would he know what they taste like?

I like how Celia's feelings towards Roy are shown at the end, with a smile just by thinking about him.

You're doing great with this rewrite! Keep up the great work!
11/10/2020 c1 19Hip Neptune
This was one of my favorite episodes, other than Episodes 2 & 10, so it’s surprising that you didn’t feel the same. I’m excited to see what improvements you make to this one compared to the older version. I agree with the aforementioned reviews: the Roy/Kamek interaction makes much more sense now.

I can’t wait to see more!
11/10/2020 c1 7Amethyst Goldenwind
Like I did with the other redux stories, I will be reading both of the alongside each other to make a more direct comparison.

I can already see the improvement! I like Roy's interaction with Kamek a lot better, and it raining makes more sense than Roy being grounded. I mean, if Roy was grounded, why would Kamek then let him use a memory sphere? The writing is also a whole lot better, I like the better use of showing emotions in the beginning. Kamek's joke about Roy falling in love with every girl he meets is appropriate and funny.

I did like the original, but I can understand that you didn't. Our biggest critic is ourself after all. I wish you luck with this rewrite! You have a pretty good start so far!

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