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1/7 c5 cheesegeek
Yay! Congrats on the new kitties (we just adopted another one ourselves) and happy birthday! Love the story so far and can't wait to read more.

And many kudos on writing your first novel - good for you!
1/4 c4 captainsuniform
Oh wow, wonderful! Your style of writing is awesome. I really wonder where the story takes us. Hope the school will be okay with at least some free time! Keep writing please .
12/14/2020 c4 Guest
Cant wait for the update!
12/14/2020 c2 Guest
Yes! This is getting interesting
11/28/2020 c4 6Melodi Rae
This is so good! Nice job :) can’t wait to read more!
9/16/2020 c3 3Zandris Hugal
Yet another thing that I want to mention that I appreciate so much about your writing is your detailed descriptions of your surroundings

“A fragrant breeze gently grazed his skin, the air encompassing him like it wanted to consume him, moving around as if in a genial state. It smelled of maple trees and he thought he could pick out the smell of a fresh rain shower, as if the dew had collected along a forest’s floor. A couple birds chirped in the distance, their soft trill soothing his unease. It reminded him of his mother…

Spock’s eyes flew open and he sat up cautiously. His fingertips were grasping the pink grass below him as he scanned his surroundings. He was he saw didn’t even look at all like Regienal III, there were mountains, waterfalls and valleys, rivers and streams—but what was the most curious was the wide trails dotting the landscape. It seemed as though something or someone had trampled the plants for many years.”

This is a terrifically detailed description author. The feeling you evoke is beautiful, and the immersion we have into the mind of the character - the specific case above being Spock - is excellent.

Now did you say you are a high school student? Because this is better than what most people with their college degrees, much less those in college, churn out!

Terrific!
9/16/2020 c2 Zandris Hugal
You have a lot of skills that are pretty rare for a writer.

You write FANTASTIC HOOKS!

These are very good hooks. Hooks that legitimately drive me to press the “Next Chapter” button as fast as possible.

Awesome job with this chapter again. You are a great writer!
9/16/2020 c1 Zandris Hugal
Hello! It’s me from Reddit.

First, TERRIFIC start to this story. There is so much to compliment about this story with just the first chapter alone, but what I love MOST about this story is how you narrate this story from JIM’S perspective.

So many stories are narrated by the removed author, and it is difficult to get immersed into the character. Constantly we are told things that the character doesn’t know. Constantly we see things from a different perspective as the main character. And constantly we jump around from the heads of character to character.

Not so with this story. You have maximized the benefits of a written story by not just writing Jim’s thoughts, but by coloring the entire narration with his perspective. We view things as he perceives them. And that is something I love and appreciate about this story.

The second thing I love most about this story is how you hit the ground running. For most stories, and not just fanfiction, the first couple chapters serve as a long-winded prologue. But you start off with the action in this chapter. Great pacing for the story!

Other than that, this story is wonderful on a technical scale. Wonderful job!

The only thing I would suggest is to use line breaks for time skips in place of the

..
..

In the Ao3 workspace, you will find this as the [—] on the second row in the second space from the left.

In the Fanfiction Doc workspace, you will find this as the fourth function from the right.

Other than that, TERRIFIC JOB! Keep up the great work!

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