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7/12 c3 15mihairu7
I like the way you started each chapter with Quelaag recalling certain by important parts about herself. The first chapter focused on how she became afflicted by blightpus, the second, how she was turned into a demon, and the last about how she had lost her sight.

Additionally, the way you never actually mention her name is pretty cool. Leaving her ambiguous, despite the fact that this fic is 90 percent about her.

It's interesting that Quelaan still carries that burdened spirit with her even after they leave Izalith, and that she still feels indebted to help despite her ailment.

It hits home real hard when Quelaag says that her sister is irreplaceable. You know that what she says is the truth, but you only understand her words after Quelaan has gone against her sister's wisdom and damned her own body to save the lives of so few.

Instantly, you feel that regret and grief, the overwhelming shame mixed in with sorrow as the pain begins to flare. And Quelaag is just left standing there wondering why her sister refuses to listen, whilst at the same time understanding that that's what her sister does, care for those with an unblemished heart whilst she simultaneously suffers in silence.

I'm guessing the wound on Quelaag was dealt by the Chosen Undead before he or she was killed. If so, I can only imagine what that means for the future as these two sister's probably speak for the last time.

Aww man, that sisterly embrace has me crying now. Seriously! I can't help it. The way Quelaag lowers her usual stoic mood to comfort her broken sister cracked my emotional mask, dammit. It's especially endearing to see her like this, acting like the big sister she is whilst also nurturing the pain and sorrow she feels at the world for leaving them like this. Truly, this moment is honestly breathtaking.

This was a glorious story, I say. Really, thanks so much for writing it. Hope you're keeping well out there. Stay peachy
7/11 c2 mihairu7
Man, you encapsulated the fear and terror of Izalith's fall beautifully. The contrast of Quelaag and Quelaan's characters during the escape to the surface was spectacular, I couldn't stop reading. The tempo made my head swim, and the concurrent inserts of the usual onomatopoeia was awesomely done, enough to rock my soul and have my heart pumping at a thousand beats per second.

I really felt the turmoil and worry in Quelaan's reserved nature as she endured the screams and deaths of her people. You could tell even before we speak to her in-game that she would be one of those compassionate heirs that would put their own lives before that of their subordinates.

Then there's Quelaag. Her hard outer shell of focus and training during devastating events really helped to cut a knife through her sister's worry and delay. The way she prioritises escaping more than staying shows her salt as a warrior and elder sister, and when she dived to protect Quelaan from getting crushed by debris, my heart sank. That was a wonderful display of emotion and clashing personas.

The end, after they were both afflicted by the chaos flame, was most exceptional. The swirling regret and mental pain Quelaan feels for causing them to be cursed, as well as the half hidden rage of Quelaag at the fact that she actually does partly blame her sister for their current state of being. It just leaves the reader so enamored by the despair and loss felt there.
7/10 c1 mihairu7
Oh my gosh, you actually wrote it! Oh dear, one of my requests were actually granted! What is this feeling of joy? Did Christmas come early?! This is so exciting! I should probably read the fic first, though. It's only right, yes? Okay. Okay. Breathe. Hoo. Haa...

The opening lines really make you self aware of Quelaan's position as a blind, blight infected Daughter of Chaos. She can't see, that we know. And as for how long she's been blind, it could probably have been for centuries to a full millennium; so much so that she barely recalls the area she never leaves, or even the memory of her sister's faces.

You paint a beautiful picture of the sanctuary she and Eingyi are situated in. It makes you almost smell the smoke and dirt filling the air as you picture the arid heat of the swamp outside and the bridge to Izalith inside Quelaag's domain.

Ah, yes. Speaking of Eingyi... She's right. The guilt of being worshipped by someone you can't see, a person you barely know is heart-wrenching. To think that they would devote themselves to you when you're nothing but a maimed Firekeeper (notice the similarity there) is like a blow to the stomach. In truth, the old undead SHOULD be looking at Quelaag as his mistress but sometimes we humans are also blind to the truth.

I don't blame her for wishing for death either. Suffering for an eternity when all you wanted to do was help people is an irredeemable pang to the soul. It creates a complex on the mind that makes you think that your aide is useless, that living is just an inconvenience for those around you.

It's a shame, really. You have to empathise deeply with this character in particular. Perhaps one of the reasons Quelaag and her sister are so widely loved is because of the history shared between them and the Chosen Undead in the game. After you battle the Chaos Witch you feel accomplished, gappy with yourself that you killed a mighty foe. But after that, when you meet Eingyi protecting a praying Quelaan who can't even speak the common tongue? Guilt and sadness creeps in like icy fingers from a blizzard chill. You can't shake it off or ignore the fact that you mudered the only woman that was keeping this ailing Fire keeper alive.

Brilliant first chapter. This was as amazing as I expected it to be.

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