Just In
Community
Forum
More
for New Threats from Old Worlds

7/11 c2 M
I really enjoyed this chapter! I like that you added the small thing about Basil having dyslexia. Even if you don't do anything with it I feel like everyone just kind of casts him to the side ya know? Anyways, I'm loving the plot so far!
7/12 c2 1TheWeirdz
Okay, way better! Keep up the good work.
7/7 c1 M
I loved this! I can't wait to read more :)
7/7 c1 TheWeirdz
This is a great first story, I recently wrote my first story too, but onto the point. You should add more descriptions of things, from this first chapter I can tell your pretty good at writing out how your characters are feeling, but there isn't much description of certain people and items. Like what does Bradley look like? what is he dressed in? (Bradley is just an example, this goes for pretty much any character Sabrina talks too even if there not going to be very involved in the story.) This is just my personal opinion, I just find it easier to envision what the author is trying to display to you when its more descriptive.
Also you use the word "She" a lot, try to through in a few Sabrina's in there, and maybe add some thoughts to it, like I quote from the sentence "Well she's definitely not going back to sleep now." Maybe make it. "Well I'm definitely not going back to sleep." it would make the flow of the story better and give some more insight on what Sabrina's thoughts are on the problem. Sorry if I'm coming off a bit harsh, really it is a great story I like where its going so far, update soon!. :)

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service