Just In
Community
Forum
More
for Cerinia Beyond Doom

9/17 c1 NadaYNadie
Well, this definitely has a more light-hearted, fun tone than the story you previously worked on. Falco forgetting about the ring seemed so typical for him. And Tricky's 'I now declare you husband and wive ... So that you may have many children' line was pretty funny. I didn't expect Star Wolf to show up. Krystal caused quite a tense moment there by inviting them and not warning Fox.

You had quiet a bit of stuff from KBR to recapitulate to provide new readers or if someone forgot the context to understand what happened before the story and how they got to the point they are now. You fit it in pretty well in small chunks where appropriate though. If I remember correctly the information you gave about Krystal's telepathy and Panther was what readers knew in the last non-epilogue chapter of KBR but the epilogue changed a few things. However, it'll probably be fine for everyone as the reveals in the epilogue are probably not something readers need to know or to not know to enjoy the story.

So, Randorn and Sabre are among the Cerinians playing a role in this story and Krystal is essential to something they intend to do.
9/12 c1 9SpaceCat010
Alright, a new adventure!

Definitely liked the intro scene overall, didn't feel too rushed in my opinion, and the exposition fit into it rather well. As a certain other user who seems to enjoy shitting on people's work mentioned, it is a little off-putting to see Krystal's telepathy gone, but I can easily forgive that since this is a continuation in a story line where that has happened.

The bit about the vegan chicken made me chuckle, before you followed up with the pulled pork being the real deal, at which point I'm starting to realize why Pigma wasn't there.

The second scene was a very tasteful contrast. I think that while it didn't give too much away, it did definitely convey that something is up, and we're along for the ride.

?Se?or Caroso? ??rale güey!
9/12 c1 26Newcomer24
Alright, I’ve read this chapter, and here’s what I think:
1.) Krystal having to wear prosthetics is just dumb. She shouldn’t have lost her hands in the first place. Just let her keep them.
2.) With the fact that Krystal has prosthetics, why even bother putting a wedding ring on her fake fingers.
3.) I absolutely hate how Krystal doesn’t have her telepathy anymore.
4.) I guess that it makes sense that Fox and Krystal’s wedding is on Sauria, but wouldn’t it be kinda dangerous to do so?
5.) Why are the Cornerians so fucking racist and stupid towards Krystal? She’s not like the other Cerinians who threatened Corneria!
6.) Why are Wolf and Leon even allowed to come to the wedding? I would’ve blacklisted them if I were Fox.
7.) Couldn’t you have just gone with Cerinia being destroyed in an explosion? Also, what makes you think that Krystal was “born a warrior”?
8.)Well great, Sabre and his squire are probably going to be the villains. Wonderful.
So far, I don’t like how this story is going, and I don’t know if I think it will get better or worse.
9/12 c1 21Nail Strafer
This wedding is a good intro scene, with a lot of fun but also surprising and somber moments. On that note, I think Wolf stealing Krystal away from Fox for a dance was very surprising and intense, and on the somber note, it's the knowledge that Krystal had to have prosthetics, and her putting on the wedding ring is a reminder of this.

I wonder how Wolf and Leon managed to arrive in stealth if they came here in their Wolfens though, considering how loud their exit is :P

The opening scene on Cerinia is good too and sets the mood of the planet well. I liked it. So there's radiation...that means nuclear weapons? Or maybe the ozone layer's been depleted so the sun passes more radiation to the ground? It's been a while since I read KBR so I'm having trouble recalling the details of how the planet was destroyed.

So, we've got Hackles, who is squire to Sabre, and lastly we've got Randorn...Sabre's father, who appears to have gone crazy and may be dead soon.
Hackles though...does he get temperamental I guess? Because to raise someone's hackles means to irritate or anger someone.

Heh, oh boy, Krystal's got to be at the center of every plot huh?

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service