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for Different Kind of Mission

9/1 c1 36Abracadebra
I see how much enthusiasm you bring to writing for this fandom. I want to make a couple of observations about the writing itself, because there is something going on (across your stories, not just this one) that I believe is limiting the appeal of your works. I hesitated long and hard before posting a review, but I do sense you want feedback or you wouldn't be publishing so much. So this feedback is meant as constructive criticism, and I hope you will take it in that vein.

Dialogue-based stories put a lot of pressure on the reader to envision the scene. Narrative stories work much better because the narrative itself helps the pull the reader through the story as it unfolds. This is not to say that dialogue is bad- snappy dialogue can really move a scene forward, and there are moments that REQUIRE dialogue, like an argument. But there is such a thing as too much. Good writing demands balance. You have to remember, this is not scriptwriting.

I see a couple of structural things again and again in your stories. The first is the use of "Hogan's POV," "Carter's POV," etc. I find this awkward and distracting. If we're reading Hogan's POV, we should be able to tell that by simply reading it. It is not necessary to announce it. Shifts between perspectives CAN be interesting but they have to be purposeful, not just to announce a scene change or basically who the camera is on.

The second structural thing is that all the exposition-everyting from motivations to scenery to gestures - tend to trail behind the dialogue, like an afterthought. Over and over, the structure is "QUOTE," "ATTRIBUTION," and "DESCRIPTION."

For example:
"Hey!" I yelled as I ran and tackled the guard off of Hilda.
"Colonel Hogan! How are you feeling?" I asked as he entered our barracks slowly.
"Here you go Colonel Hogan," LeBeau said as he handed him the pills and water.

It's grinding to us any sentence structure repeatedly, and you really rely on this one, with tiny variations, like "before" instead of "as."

I do commend you for your commitment and for your obvious knowledge of the series and the episodes. I've enjoyed a number of your stories; I do think more attention to writing technique would expand your audience.

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