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5/26 c27 Tatianna Parent
Loved it!
7/26/2020 c27 4OceanPegasus
This was a great story and I'm really glad I came across it! Everyone is in character (something I find very hard to do when writing fanfiction) and the plot is well thought out. You have a real talent with this! I love this story and it's times like this where I wish I could favorite things twice!
5/31/2020 c27 Pia
hi, just wanted to say that this story was really awesome! i read it in one go. keep up the good work. will definitely check out other stories from you! :3
6/1/2020 c27 3mangapuryoru
I'm impressed! That's awesome! Thanks you! I love how you wrigh and this fanfic is just
6/1/2020 c27 46Anjion
Wow! What a beautiful ending to fantastic story! I salute you, Writer Person, and as President of the Protect McPhee Foundation (since I like whumping everyone else), I say thank you for leaving him unharmed.

Truly fantastic!
5/19/2020 c26 Anjion
Awwww, Kah stayed! And Ahk's gonna get such a lovely surprise!
5/7/2020 c25 4Lorienstale
Oh, this work is really beautiful ! So sad it will be over soon...
5/3/2020 c25 46Anjion
I'm gonna be really sad when this ends. I LOVE IT!
4/25/2020 c24 Anjion
WOW!
4/14/2020 c20 45Igenlode Wordsmith
Hmmm.
Well, in the absence of the Tablet, the rest of the museum seems to be still asleep. (I did wonder whether *Zalaam* might have got hold of the Tablet somehow and brought it to New York with him, but apparently not.)

"as if he'd just ran in a circle" - as if he'd just run

"If I were you, I would be a lot more distraught over knowing I was going to be kept prisoner in my own mind" - oh, so the shackles are metaphorical. I thought maybe Zalaam had jumped to another body and that was why Ahkmenrah was waking up...

"Don't worry, you will know. You will hear them scream" - brrr. That's a really effective Evil Villain line ;-)

"We should've never gone near that sand" - good point; the whole expedition has just made matters worse by providing Zalaam with a body and a chance at personalised revenge :-( Although someone or other would probably have been curious enough to go out onto the black sand and start making measurements or taking photos sooner or later.

"The Roman's chocolate eyes looked at him" - not chocolate eyes. Please, not chocolate eyes :-(
(It's bad enough when Christine Daa ends up being called 'chocolate', but a cowboy exchanging glances with a Roman soldier does not start comparing the other man's eyes to food... of my pet peeves. You could say "dark eyes" if their appearance is really important - that's about all anyone is going to be able to see in the way of colour unless they're really, really close, anyway.)

"That's how this always ends, with Mr. Daley winning and evil losing. I know it firsthand" - yes, from being the evil himself :-D

"Perhaps that conversation by the river is the last thing we say" - at least they did have that. As an ending note, it's a lot better than most of their previous interactions...

"I could've been rid of him just like that like I always wanted" - I'm not sure what the 'that' is doing in this sentence :-(

"I could've let him burn, but I didn't!" - in fact if he *had*, they might not be in this situation :-p
Although Zalaam would probably simply have possessed another member of the party, assuming the expedition had still gone ahead, and Larry wouldn't sacrifice *anyone*, even if he does have an especial soft spot for Ahkmenrah.

"It would've affected Mother and Father the same way, no matter if he possessed Ahkmenrah or me" - so... it was deliberate? He knew they were still alive - after a fashion - and out there, even before he got access to Ahkmenrah's memories?


"Goodness, the one time I don't want to beat Ahkmenrah up. What timing" - hah :-D

"He doesn't sound like Lin-Manuel Miranda!" - no, I'll bet he doesn't :-P

"That's the Tablet!" Jedediah shouted. "It has to be!" - ooh, I hadn't made that connection. So Dexter stole the Tablet - again? Well, it's not out of character ;-)
In which case presumably the exhibits at the Museum are about to give Nicky a big surprise...

"Oh, please, as if that animal could string together a thought like that" - I like the way that Kahmunrah, however unexpectedly unselfish his impulses towards his own family, certainly hasn't softened out of character towards the monkey in the least ;-p

"Let's just hope Mr. Daley doesn't only use flashlights to defend himself" - oh, I don't know - he did pretty well duelling with the torch ;-D

"It's got no grip on it and won't cut through the air nearly as well as what I'm used to" - ooh, can't he borrow his father's khopesh? Or 'borrow'it? ;-p

"No, please, sneak up on me again while I'm holding this large knife" - I do love sarcastic characters ;-)

"What part of 'I am going to rescue your son' are you not getting here?" - I notice he's talking about 'your son' rather than 'my brother'...

"I will not lose another son!" - very effective... and a surprise to the reader as well as to Kahmunrah.

"his father unlooped the small khopesh on the side of his tunic and held it out" - great minds think alike!
Though I still don't think it's likely to be any more effective than Lancelot's sword, which Kahmunrah has already discounted. But at least it's a weapon he is comfortable with.

No, I didn't *think* Jedediah was planning to stay quietly behind :-p
And he's quite right. Kahmunrah has no chance of getting the Tablet from Dexter, or of raising a rescue army from the Museum (and it'll have to be a pretty big army, with an emphasis on the 'big' - probably Abraham-Lincoln-sized - if the ease with which he dealt with Larry's party is anything to go by). No-one has any reason to trust him an inch. And he certainly won't get past Rexy.
But do Jed and Octavius have any idea how to get to the Museum from Larry's apartment either? They haven't exactly been roaming the streets of New York on a regular basis...

"Octavius had a hand on his hip and was pretending to clean something out from under his nails" - that normally takes *two* hands, and with a hand on his hip he's only got one to spare :-p

"sharing his friends confident look" - friend's

"having no pockets to put them in" - or sleeves ;-p
Although I have to sympathise with his not liking them crawling around in his hair...

I really enjoyed this chapter. Nice character development. Nice twists.
And I guessed a couple of them in advance, which is always deeply satisfying ;-D
4/14/2020 c19 Igenlode Wordsmith
the sand sorcerer - apparently his powers mean he can actually project a stream of sand as a weapon. I'm visualising that as like something out of a superhero film...

how will you parents feel? - typo: your

"I know about your family, the museum, all of it" - ah, so Zalaam does know about the Tablet. It must have been quite a surprise for *him* to learn that the King and Queen against whom he had an old grudge were still around; I wonder if he realised when he awoke just how many years had passed since he last walked the earth?

Kahmunrah is definitely being unexpectedly unselfish here; he is not only shielding his parents (who were, after all, responsible for disinheriting him), but he is hesitating to put an end to Zalaam in case Ahkmenrah's soul is trapped as well. (Or is he worried that Ahkmenrah's soul might get trapped *instead*, leaving Zalaam free to wreak whatever havoc he likes and the magic of the Mirror all used up?)

Wow, Zalaam really is powerful. He can use sand to *teleport*... and unfortunately he has teleported westward around the globe, which means the sun isn't going to rise for a long time :-(
(Although it might still be a good move to possess another body if he can - one that isn't going to get mummified at sunrise. Admittedly he then loses his hostage against the Mirror, but he's going to be a whole lot *more* vulnerable trapped inside a mummy during daylight hours than he is with only Larry as an opponent.)

Oh, and he's gone again. Presumably to do something dramatic, since he brought them all along to witness it...

"Kahmunrah, who was kneeled down next to his obviously distraught mother" - "who was knelt down" or "who was kneeling down"

"He could be anywhere in the city! In the state even!" - or anywhere in the *world*, judging by the abilities he's already displayed :-(

"So Dex and the Tablet are back in Egypt?" - wait, if the Tablet is back in Egypt, how come the exhibits are all still awake? Just being in Washington DC was enough to get them out of its range, let alone on the other side of the Atlantic. It must take a lot of power to animate plastic, never mind raising the dead :-(
Presumably the thinking is that it only wakes them up, rather than sustaining their existence (though I have to wonder in that case what *is* sustaining their existence? Is Zalaam using his own powers to do it in order to keep Ahkmenrah's body mobile?)

"What if the Mirror no longer works if Ahkmenrah is inside it?" - yes, I was wondering about that, but Larry makes a good point when he says that if they try and fail, Zalaam isn't going to let them stick around for any further experimentation.

"So, our only shot to save everything is a fifty-fifty chance that it traps Zalaam on the first try?" - pretty much :-(
And nobody seems to have come up with any back-up plan for the possibility that Zalaam will be left completely free inside Ahkmenrah's soulless body...
Oh, apparently Lancelot has :-D

"I think you both know it's too dangerous for you guys." For once, the cowboy didn't try to argue that - hmm, why do I automatically assume that if Jed's not arguing the point, that implies he has every intention of making sure he goes along anyway? ;-p
4/12/2020 c23 Guest
Love it! The final battle is approaching!
4/12/2020 c23 46Anjion
Oh wow! Kah is going to risk his own existence for his brother?! Just wow!

Also, I've been working on my drawings during quarantine. I recently discovered Wind in the Willows the musical and I've been drawing the characters. And I take part in an online singalong with the guy who played Moley every Wednesday!

Keep safe yourself.
4/7/2020 c20 Guest
Loving this story! Can’t wait for more!
4/3/2020 c1 5HarrietSilverwynd
this fic is great- the perfect ratio of action and character dynamics.
But -oh no!- my poor dorky Egyptian son D:
can't wait to see how this ends! :D
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