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7/24/2017 c1 2Tails-is-pwnage
The last story of yours that I read and reviewed, I was happily impressed. This story had me absolutely giddy with joy, and I feel it's going to take me a while to properly explain why.

I'll start with the first section, where we get to see Luna, talk about the desert, Kalphites, and all that crazy stuff Luna has in her pockets. This was probably my favorite part of the whole story. Reading on and on about the little details and the thought that you put into expanding the world of Gielinor reminded me of how great fanfiction is when done properly for certain genres. Runescape is a game with LOTS of lore, and fanfiction is a way to celebrate and add on to that lore in the writer's own unique style. You did this excellently by adding in little spins and details to small things, such as Luna's Ascension Crossbow. No, excuse me, Luna's AUTOMATIC PISTOL CROSSBOW POWERED BY LAW AND AIR RUNES! Excuse me for the caps, but holy hell, reading that made me grin! It sounds like the type of thing that, if it was in the game, I'd work to hell and back to grab and show off to friends! It might even be in the game, and I'm just too low of a level to know about it; that's how amazing it sounds!

It's these kinds of creative quirks that are added to a piece of fanfiction that can draw me in and make me love it. It snaps me back to the days where I'd come up with Runescape weapons and armor, and I'd come up with little lore stories and silly little quests that would unlock certain skills and badass weaponry. To be honest with you, I still incorporate a little bit of Gielinor into whatever I create today. During little games I host for my friends, I almost always include Runes or little references to the world of Runescape. And the fact that I've realized that I just spent this entire paragraph gushing about my love for Runescape probably just further proves how wonderful your first section was at bringing out that side of me.

The second section, entering the Kalphite lair, had great moments that I adored as well. The character-building in particular. You kept in mind the dynamics of each character with every action, and that made each scene feel just a bit more real. For example, when summoning Percy, you detailed how the Menaphites felt and compared that to the already-experienced soldiers who were familiar with and were even happy to see the big clump of steel. Including as many perspectives as you can without being overbearing on the reader is a skill that, when honed, can make one's scenes feel much more alive and brimming with personality. I think you nailed it there.

Another thing I have to sing the praises of real quick while I'm on a roll here is the friendships Luna has. Virtus- er, sorry, Vitus- and Luna have a good dynamic that really does feel like they're old friends that only see each other every-so-often, but don't have any bad blood between them. Vitus understands that Luna is much more powerful than the rest of them, but doesn't really hold that against her, instead finding value in her knowledge ("So how did you get to summon Percy, anyway?" "Boxing match." "What.") and having this sense of confidence that is honestly refreshing considering how a lot of Runescape's NPCs are either obviously below the World Guardian or act as if they're the best thing since sliced bread. Vitus is neither. He isn't licking Luna's boots but he knows he's tough shit, too ("You and I could probably take out the queen by ourselves, but...").

It should also be mentioned that a character like Vitus was probably vital given Luna's strength. Runescape is a game where your World Guardian really can become OP, and Luna's Max Cape shows this. She's a master at literally every skill ever. Having a character that can have a conversation toe-to-toe with her makes sure the reader knows that, even if Luna's extremely powerful and skillful, she's human too ("You better not end up like the Raptor..."). The point is, Vitus is a great supporting character. 9/10, would support again.

Onto the fight itself. Just like with Nomad's Encore, your fight scenes are amazing. You've got that down. You keep in mind all of the tools that Luna has at her disposal (Percy, Chaotic Longnsword, ASCENSION AUTOMATIC TELEKINETIC PISTOL HELL YEAH, Keris...) and use them each when necessary, and you make callbacks to how she has experience fighting this monster before, even using that knowledge to craft an excellent "last ditch effort" move near the end. (Backflipping off of a wall to avoid getting cut in half by a charging beast, then hanging on for dear life. Sweet mercy.) Even the soldiers, who were resigned to the background, got used in an effective manner, charging into the king while his belly was exposed. While most battle scenes need to work with a limited range of options (There's only so many ways to write two people have a gun fight), you prepped yourself with a myriad of different, lethal toys, and you thrived on using all of them.

I think a good way to describe that fight scene was like watching a heist movie. The protagonist comes in with all the right gear, and uses all of their tricks and gadgets to complete their objective in the most stylish way possible.

ASCENSION AUTOMATIC TELEKINESIS RUNE-BASED MAGIC PISTOLS HELL YEAH! ~ Coming to a theater near you.

So there were things that I tried to look for to criticize, but unfortunately I'm just not a good enough critic. There are minor things (You have the words 'LINE BREAK' instead of an actual line break somewhere, there are some spelling/grammar mistakes here and there that the tools probably didn't catch, but they're extremely rare), but otherwise... I can't touch this. I could try and say that the soldiers didn't have much meaning, but they weren't supposed to, it was the protagonist and Vitus who were at the forefront of this story. And they did play a part in the fight scene and in the emotions at the very end ("... and the sorrow they felt from the loss of their allies..."). I could try to do this and that, but... I can't find any major thing wrong with this story. If I weren't woefully aware of the elitist douchebaggery that has become the Fanfiction Editorial community, I'd recommend you seek out someone there for some constructive criticism. This story checks all of my boxes and I can't find anything I don't like about it.

Even at the end, it has this blend of bittersweet emotion that ties everything together. The knowledge that, despite having so much, you may not have enough... Now that is the real pain of the World Guardian. She is so very powerful, nearly at the power of the gods themselves, and yet she must push herself and find stronger and stronger opponents if she is to stand up to the challenges ahead...

Pretty somber when you stop to think about it...

Thanks for the story. I wish I read this a while back, but maybe it's a good thing I took so long (and maybe forgot). This really picked me up and inspired me... I think I'm gonna design some Gielinorian weapons in my spare time tomorrow, just like old times. Might steal that "Air and Law runes telekinetic weaponry" idea. I wonder if Cosmic runes could be used to make a weapon more powerful in any way... Fire Rune plus Cosmic Rune equals fire-enchanted battleaxe?

Thank you again. I hope my review helps.

~Tip
6/9/2017 c1 fargenargen
As a person who doesn't play Runescape or even video games, I couldn't tell the difference between fan fiction based off of a video game, and a genuine authentic story that I would love to watch in theaters! I really loved all the description about the characters and what they were personally wearing and the characteristics so clearly delivered. The words of describing battle scenes were smooth and cast very smooth across my mind. I really like the ending when finding out the main character's motivation wasn't for anything more than... you know. (No Spoiler here) ). It was well done and well delivered. The realism about the condition of these heroes were outstanding as well. It definately made me captivated becasue every part was something I could relate and experience too in my mind.
Well done man, that was a good stuff. I hope you continue to write!

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