9/15/2017 c5 ChocolateTeapot
Good work! I liked the description of the room and the encounter with the brother is certainly interesting.
Good work! I liked the description of the room and the encounter with the brother is certainly interesting.
9/14/2017 c3 ninja of fallen Sakura
I hope they don't get evicted it seems like vieno was the glue holding this pack together.
I hope they don't get evicted it seems like vieno was the glue holding this pack together.
4/11/2017 c3 38ChocolateTeapot
Good chapter! You make an excellent use of detail to show the emotional devastation left by his death. The emotional impact of the fridge was well described, as was the breakdown over the number of bowls.
I feel there is a space missing between “Kitchen” and “A” in the chapter title.
Good chapter! You make an excellent use of detail to show the emotional devastation left by his death. The emotional impact of the fridge was well described, as was the breakdown over the number of bowls.
I feel there is a space missing between “Kitchen” and “A” in the chapter title.
3/29/2017 c2 ChocolateTeapot
Good chapter! I particularly like the opening.
Two typos:
“the rest of the cearn did so as well when she would come near.” Probably “caern”
“Bryan died to” “too”
Good chapter! I particularly like the opening.
Two typos:
“the rest of the cearn did so as well when she would come near.” Probably “caern”
“Bryan died to” “too”
3/25/2017 c1 ChocolateTeapot
Good work! This is a very powerful beginning. You do an excellent job using details to invoke the dread, despair and loss.
The “stern but sweet Bone Gnawer” feels a little pat to me.
The end is very good.
Good work! This is a very powerful beginning. You do an excellent job using details to invoke the dread, despair and loss.
The “stern but sweet Bone Gnawer” feels a little pat to me.
The end is very good.