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4/29/2020 c8 rosegaige
just thought i would say that i love your story so far, even tho i'm behind. It always feels so wired reviewing a page that has been posted for a while. Anyway hope you are well and had fun on the vacay.
12/28/2017 c1 ImAGuest
Keep writing! Just add more details, and make the chapters longer. Also, grammar (cringes). Consider getting a beta. They are helpful, and are grammar-nazis. Sorry, I'm not offering (I am a guest, after all).
12/28/2017 c10 just me
wait WHAT?! what is happening? he is changing? in to what? i first thought elsa from frozen but that cant be. im so confused.

i just started reading this evening, and first i was kinda sceptical. when i finnishid reading i was totally caught up in the story. i dont feel like the story about jack frost, because he barely reacts like i would expect from jack frost. but i dont mind. even though some parts are kinda unlogical, i really like the story, i look forward to the next chapters.

xxx me
Ps. please dont let, whatever he is changing into, be elsa i am so confused. jack and elsa are rather a couple than 2 versions of the same person.
12/16/2017 c7 36Raphaelfanguy4real
whoa. gonna just put this where I can find it...
12/13/2017 c7 Zorra Reed
Hello, at work so not signed in, you can find me if you need to reach out, I'm on the only one with my name registered to this site. Anyway, I've skimmed through your story and have a few comments.

1. Demanding reviews in exchange for updates is a really good way to loose readers. However, a friendly request for reviews to help inspire you and know that people are enjoying the story is okay.

2. You have a good story. It's perfect for some 'in need of instant and immediate fan service fix'. For instance, the 15 min break I have to read it before getting back to work. However, your layout is written in a paraphrased format. I write like this way too, so no worries. It's a great way to get detailed ideas down on paper when they are running rampant and rapid in your head. I always blame the muses. But this method should be used as a brainstorming tool and considered a draft. Use this opportunity to walk away from the story for a while, then return to edit it weeks or even years later. The exception is if the story is deliberately designed to read in this style.

Your lack of paragraphs does more harm to your story then anything else and is a massive turn off for most readers. I have friends on this site that would take one look at that layout and close it without giving the story a chance.

3. I noticed in one of your chapters you mentioned in your authors note that you re framed from adding details. While it is good to sensor your work in so much that you keep the descriptions and content tactful in accordance with the 'voice' of the story, I beg you not to limit yourself or hinder your work by holding back or 'half-assing' it. If you don't branch out, you won't learn to love writing or to expand your style.

Sometimes it's hard to write different things, especially ones that may cross a line, just remember, you are catering to a selective audience that varies with each story you post. Not everyone will be comfortable or pleased with the content while others will be fully engaged in it. Take flames with a pinch of salt and a tissue then move on. Learn to write what you want to write, but with an element that makes people want to read. Granted, some stories are just BAD. It happens.

4. Your last posted chapter #5, the final line (won't repeat, hate spoilers in reviews) is beautiful! I can imagine myself as Jack in that line and feel the _blank_ seeping from me like it was life itself. Now that's engaging. It's also a good way to bend a cliff hanger to something less dramatic. I WANT to read more and I didn't even read this last chapter.

5. I did read your description of the kidnapper. You're detailed, but to much to fast. It dragged, it overwhelmed. Spreading details out in stages, staggering them in a way that lets us get to know the character rather than a once-over glance and dismissal of him would be a better way to introduce a character. You need to connect with your character before your audience will be able to. In a nutshell: Don't rush it. Let the story flow as it will.

Clearly your work had a breath of life that just took off. I did a similar story that was designed to lack some of the details. Some stories are just born to be short and some filled out. I'm in the process of revising it. Taking the same approach but a different voice to it that will allow the story to fill out without loosing it's integrity, without becoming a full-flushed fic. I think you can improve this story by spreading things out a tad, adding paragraphs, and applying a handful of details in select spots without having to 'fill it out all the way'. The story stays the same but reads better, becomes more of an 'eye-candy'. Great imagination! That's my free 15 min advice. Enjoy tormenting your characters!
12/13/2017 c6 12ElektraVamp05
Freaking North! He's going to feel so guilty when they figure out Jack is missing. Can't wait to read what the other rest will do to Jack!
12/1/2017 c3 EriTheBear
I find this interesting and would like to see it progress. Is Pitch friends with the horsemen of the apocalypse or are these demonata level monsters under the bed? It looks cool. Please continue!
12/1/2017 c3 Guest
Keep writing
11/30/2017 c3 Guest
*comes out of hiding* hello!
I wanna say that I have been enjoying these past chapters and that umm..in chapter 2 its a long paragraph which was difficult to read but nevertheless, i love it!
So i hope this continues and if not then I thank you for sharing this fan fiction with us.
11/30/2017 c3 ElektraVamp05
Hey there! I do hope you get other reviews because I am so curious about this story. I want to know who these characters are and what exactly Pitch's plans are because I don't believe he will kill Jack since it would bring the others down on his head but breaking Jack will bring results so I hope to see what your plan is. I wish you luck in getting those other reviews because I know that a lot of people don't review and it does kind of discourage you, I'm actually kind of going through that with one of my own story so I wish you luck. I hope to see a new chapter and if not, then I understand.

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