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11/30/2020 c3 fencer29
This is a pleasant surprise. Even though I apparently read this years ago, I found myself having to go back and reread the first two chapters again before reading this one. Still, it gives me hope that other long dormant stories may some day be revived.

It's difficult to think of a more unlikely (or unwilling) harem protagonist than Souske Sagara. Ignoring his own anti-social behavior, prior to meeting Chidori he couldn't even comprehend why any girl might like him (in part because he pretty much only viewed himself as a tool, specifically designed and forged for combat). And unfortunately it doesn't sound like Mao is going to be doing much to explain things to him this time around (and even Sousuke realizes that Kurz Weber isn't necessarily the most reliable source of information).
10/2/2018 c2 Guest
and passenger side - and the passenger side

keep my safe - keep me safe

the Whispered? - Better to use a name, it's very confusing for those not familiar with the setting, I keep forgetting who the whispered is supposed to be.
I have no idea what it signifies either.
10/2/2018 c2 Guest
Not sure what you were trying to say here, it really made no sense to me:
"inadvertently saving the young mercenary's blushes"
9/15/2018 c2 Rockxy
Yay an update, tho didnt expect mao to get involved like that
9/15/2018 c2 fencer29
Mao is getting involved? That's a change (usually in situations like this she's busy playing "big sister").

The way things are developing Sousuke might be safer sleeping at the school - perhaps on the roof, where there are a limited number of doors to guard and lots of ways he can make his escape by jumping over the edge (ideally with a rope, but he'd probably just dive up and try to land in a tree).
4/21/2018 c1 Guest
What a great story! You should totally write more! I would love to read it!
2/10/2018 c1 7J Luc Pitard
This is an interesting exploration of the characters in the series. Not sure quite where you're going with the time setting here. I'm imagining a log interlude and Tessa's brother hasn't appeared? Keeping it vague is fine as well.

Your writing style is natural and easy to read.
1/4/2018 c1 Ibskib
Seems like it's another oblivious harem protagonist where the females have started circling like piranhas.
Not that I mind, it can be pretty funny at times.

My first thought when I read "tactical awareness training" is that it will probably quickly become an euphemism for something else, though Sousuke will be the last to realise it. :-)
1/1/2018 c1 fencer29
A few nits (appologies in advance, but I tend to be a stickler for canon).

First off, Sagara has no memories of his parents beyond a few vague memories associated with am unidentified woman (presumably his mother) as he was being rescued from the wreckage of a plane which had crashed in the Artic at an age of three or four.

Second, Tessa's a nickname - her name is actually "Telatha" (no wonder she prefers "Tessa").

Third, Commander Mardukas is second in commant - Major Kalanin is only in command of the ground forces for Milthril's West Pacific group (which includes the Urzu SRT to which Sagara belongs).

As far as timeline is concerned, if Sagara is just meeting Hayashimizu this must be occuring quite soon after the highjacking since Hayamshimizu (who, for future reference, Sagara always addresses as "Mr. President") put Sagara in charge of student council security shortly after they first met (an event which isn't depicted in any of the light novels, but may have occurred in the short stories, the first volume of which was published between the first and second LN's). And don't get me started on when Kaname first meets Tessa - the LN's don't have it happening until the second LN (as shown in the anime), while the manga has Tessa visiting Jendai much sooner.

I like the tribute to author Shouji Gatou (I'm guessing that's what you chose the name for the history teacher based on). Although you may have missed the opportunity to carry that forward by naming the school nurse "Shikidouji" or "Kumiko Satou" (the illustrator and editor of the original LN's).

Having said all of that, I would like to see more of how your story develops.
1/1/2018 c1 rockxy
Yes please continue!
12/31/2017 c1 Sousky
Since you didn't make a note about the timeline, it was a little difficult to figure out where the story took off at first. Then it was unclear you were following the light novels events or the anime one (which I found out was the latter). That's why Hayashimizu and Sousuke not being acquainted got me confused. And the names, addressing manners are not consistent. Kyoto and Sousuke are always on last name basis. And Sousuke always calls Kaname "Chidori" without honorifics. Throughout the entire series. Thank you for writing! Please write more. FMP fandom needs more fanfics.
12/31/2017 c1 8Trey Miller
Well, that’s one way to get Sagara a harem. lol

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