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4/6 c2 Guest
Badly written, gets some of the lore of the game wrong, cringe plot.
4/6 c1 Insert a name
Pariah, son of elizabeth greene is technically the first to be born naturally with these powers.
10/17/2020 c14 2Alex mercer Red
Madmanminers por favor es buena la historia continúa la historia es muy bueno
6/6/2020 c1 Guest
You’ve got problems. Emo dumbass.
4/22/2020 c1 Alex mercer mata
me gusto mucho la fanfic
1/2/2020 c3 18kazred
this is the longest review i'm ever going to write, and i'm not happy.

Okay, okay. First and foremost Alex having a kid would be amazing and intruging to see since the dude lacks in parental skills and would learn as the story progresses but...Mad, this story needs to be rewritten. I'll only write this on the basis of constructive criticism and say that there are a lot of adjustments to be made. If a reader is having trouble understanding your work, you're doing something wrong. I couldn't finish it and I'm terribly sorry. I just couldn't.

Firstly, there needs to be some sort of structure and not just you writing on a whim (I would know this and it rarely works, trust me). Secondly, SPG is standard for any written media. We, as readers, cannot follow the story if the text is just one thick block. Use your commas, exclamation marks, semi-colons and ellipses. A few misspelt words are fine and accidental but you need to be rereading your work before publishing if I'm able to make a list of incorrect words. Thirdly, as the universe of Prototype is "forward" to a degree, having someone touch themselves under the table casually in front of the MC and another commit sexual assault that was deemed "voluntary" is waaaaaaaaaaaay OOC. Alex wouldn't do it. Heller wouldn't do it. Hell, Cross wouldn't do it. If you wanna write smut that's totally fine but to use it in an awkward way is jarring and unnecessary to the plot. Fourthly, show and not tell. It's easy documenting what characters are doing but show us what they're doing. If the MC has been thrown into a building, did they interrupt a family dinner and apologise about getting his ass in the chocolate gateau despite the fact that there's a gaping hole where the wall should be? (y'all are gonna steal this, i just know it) It's the little things like thoughts and sensory information that helps the reader visualise a scene better.

Also also, you adding the chapter that has absolutely nothing to do with the original story is pointless and to be removed.

Now I am in no way, shape, or form here to claim that I'm an expert. I am not. All I wanna do is help a fellow stan as yourself to show readers what it would be like for Alex to have a son. I know you can do better, I believe you can do better. So show us you can do better~
12/30/2019 c1 Guest
The story needs alot of work. Also it feels like you are telling instead of showing. Like it's just a big list of one thing happening after another.
12/14/2019 c1 dante
ok
3/11/2019 c12 4MadManMiner
When posting reunion I noticed it said that it was over 2000 words long so i clicked on my story to view it and was... I don't know how to explain it. So any ways I found out the Mindscape story did the same thing. I guess I can no longer copy and past I have to convert them and a whole other bullshit that is avoided by copying and pasting, like having to have organized folders, copy and pasting onto word because google docs saves to google drive and is impossible to find, and buying a new phone because I smashed it in frustration. sorry for not noticing sooner.
9/12/2018 c10 Second Cole
Alright, do you want brutal honesty?

This story is pretty bad. I suggest using grammerly, or other spell checking softaware to check chapters for
spelling before you post them.

Also, when having a character yell, its a good idea to just capitilize every letter in the word they are saying, instead of just telling the reader that they yelled.

And finally, USE MORE COMMAS! Its extremely hard to actually read parts of the story, due to all the bunched up text. Plus, most of the time, if your not cutting a sentence up with commas, it becomes a run on sentence.

Oh right, also you should probably use past-tense more often
5/22/2018 c8 Fanreaderzero
Maybe no one is interested in the OC's and that's the reason why no one comment's on it.
Don't mean to be rude it just something I think.
4/1/2018 c7 MadManMiner
People, just know it's never too late to review it means alot even if you comment on old chapters its still helpfull.
10/31/2017 c2 Marshman101
This is cool
10/24/2017 c2 3the gaming crusader
wow,christopher,wtf,you named a prototype after me and killed him

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