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6/25/2019 c2 9MirwenAnareth
Hey! This is Barbora from the facebook group. I came here to review and explore a new fandom as the challenge stated. And I got plenty of things to say. Hope you don't mind my comments - I'll try to be as constructive as I can. :)

First off - I am not from the fandom so this all is entirely new. That said - you did a good job with the intro, explaining the world setting and all. The only thing I would perhaps try to fix is the word "kaiju" - I mean, Pacific Rim fans probably know what it means. I only know because I can speak Japanese. So a little explanation for those who are not familiar with the universe would be welcome. You are going to get those readers, at least to some minimum extent.

Now for the story itself. I really like your choice of words and the language in general. It is very clear, it reads nicely and I love your metaphors and comparisons (running like busy bees). I also like how you express emotion in the narration ("a little too obvious, a little too real"). But...

It all feels a bit too rushed. Like you are putting out a list of things that happened, one by one. You're going through all that in tremendous speed, not really bothering about the detail. I can see you picture the scene before your eyes quite clearly, that is good. But you tell more than you show and it breaks the immersion. There is no time to prepare, it just feels like that list. Or a textbook on history. And then, suddenly, comes the dialogue which is very tense and emotional. The issue is that your readers can't really prepare for the emotion. You give them no time to get to know the characters. When the protagonist cried, I didn't feel anything because I couldn't get into her mood. This chapter covers so much that it could be five times as long and then it would flow nicely. But your characters need to be treated with care and presented with all they have to offer. They need to show how they react to different situations, how they struggle, what mistakes they make and how they think. You have a perfect setting there - a stressful situation. Your protagonist may panic, or become indecisive, or boss others around... do all sorts of stuff to show her personality. But she should do that before she breaks down so the readers can feel with her.

And speaking of rushed, pacing is also very important. When you think pacing, you also think dynamics - action vs. dialogue vs. descriptions vs. feelings. These can be combined too - like if you want a dynamic description, you can combine it with action or anything you like (sort of like "she hollered into the microphone, gripping it close to her mouth while its loose cable whipped her thighs in the rhythm of the aircraft's quiver" - now that's something I made up and you might see the scene differently, but just to illustrate - this one sentence has everything. It is a speech tag, it shows emotion - you already had that there - but it also describes the scene and the microphone. There is action - she is gripping the microphone, the aircraft is moving, everything is in motion. This is dynamic).

All in all, if I can recommend one thing - pay attention to detail. Depict your scenes in color, go deep inside your characters' minds and feelings, treat the text as a comprehensive guide through your story. It should be entertaining, it should flow, it should be exciting, inviting the readers to read more.

That said, reading it, I see great potential in you. Your writing is good overall. I also commend you for knowing your stuff - it shows that you are familiar with this setting and can make the best of it. And also your summary - I very much like it! It is exciting, it shows emotion and promises great things.

I hope I don't discourage you with this - I only want to help. Keep up the good work!
5/5/2019 c2 22Trisa Slyne
I think the continuity is going fine so far except that in the beginning parts you mention how people weren't even worried and were living their lives but then it's also running amok and killing loads of people. I feel like that might be contradictory- people would be getting evacuated from the danger zones- even those miles and miles away-so the military could do their thing.

Style wise I was bummed it was mostly summary more so than a tale about what's happening at the moment. The information is definitely necessary but it's just not as much fun this way.

I think it's pretty cool and I like the idea of a prequel detailing how they worked their way up to the solution they came up with. I haven't seen the movies recently so I don't remember all of that but it's a cool concept.
5/5/2019 c1 Trisa Slyne
I see what you've done here- the idea that before they made giant mechas they must've tried something else that wasn't as effective. That's a pretty neat idea! I'm not familiar enough with the movies to have recognized that if you hadn't mentioned it in your post but since you did I can fully appreciate it and I think it's a neat way to go about this.
5/5/2019 c1 14Mrs.ThorfinnRowle
I know nothing about Pacific Rim, but this chapter has me wanting to look the movie/series up to learn more so I’m not as lost
4/21/2019 c10 4Meraki164
This is one of those times when you almost don't want to survive the disaster, because what else is waiting? Further destruction, and the unknown of when or how things might actually end.
But she's there. Still looking for solutions, still trying to find some way to move on. Brave lady that one. I hope there are answers to be found...other than being forced to employ such massive measures to bring one of them down.
3/29/2019 c9 Meraki164
Honestly, I think the reassignment is probably good for her too. One of the worst possible things would be to try and go back to things exactly the way they were. Because they're not that way. She is different, everyone is different. But they're alive, so there also hope for a different result next time. Next time...gah. Don't want to think about it yet.
Hope to see Hansen soon.
3/29/2019 c8 Meraki164
In a situation like this, you would normally hope there would be someone to look after you. Take care of you when you can't look after yourself. But she lost her family. And the nation around her suffered tremendous loss too.
There is so much admiration for the unflagging spirit, the drive not to give up, though she seems to have every reason to. Hope is a powerful, powerful thing. If you can retain even the tiniest amount...then you can somehow move on even when your life ends, and look for a new one.
3/29/2019 c7 Meraki164
The capture of her emotional state is just phenomenal.. Painful, but so very real. Even the odd desire to feel the pain, because it's somehow...satisfying. Almost as if it's "deserved"..Grief does weird things to you, and you've depicted it really well.
3/28/2019 c6 Meraki164
I really appreciate the difficulty of the storyline you have tackled. It's overwhelming to capture sequences like these that are so disastrous, so over the top pandemonium...and you've done it really well. Being inside it with Kylie, it doesn't...feel like a story. Feels like experiencing with her. And there are mad props for all the doctors and nurses who haven't lost their minds.
Hansen and his kid...while lucky to have each other...the loss is so profound.
3/28/2019 c5 Meraki164
And our "faceless" hero appears. He seems to have just the right balance of sheer annoying tenacity and compassion. Hope he doesn't get in trouble for the chopper, because seriously...who obeys an evacuation order when your family is out there, and you could do something?
Even if it doesn't feel like enough. The grieving reactions are so genuine. There's nothing you could say or do. Except try to move on somehow, which at the moment, has to be hard for Kylie to imagine.
3/28/2019 c4 Meraki164
So many feels here. So many ACCURATE feels. The pure helplessness of waking up that way and being incapable of doing anything. The fact remains that she doesn't know anything for certain, but this doesn't look good at her, for her physically, or anyone else in the blast zone. And God only knows if the Kaiju is still out there.
The one bright spot is Hansen and his stubbornness. Really enjoying this.
3/28/2019 c3 Meraki164
Ahhhhhh...freaking heck. Yeah, that had to be coming. Way too much to process while driving through what's essentially a warzone. Is what they're both doing suicide? Yeah. Should they stop? Reason says yes, but this is family and kids you're talking about. So reason goes out the window. time is running out either way, and now this...glad there is more to read.
3/27/2019 c2 Meraki164
The desperation of the scene you set here is palpable, the ending where she mentions people just...giving up, is heartbreaking. The reality of the situation is that it WOULDN'T be easy. But as annoying as I'm sure he is, the persistent pilot gives me a little hope. Because everyone hasn't given up. People are still trying. And that means it's not over yet.
3/27/2019 c1 Meraki164
::groans:: talk about tough choices. On the one hand, non-stop destruction of life as they know it...And on the other, reaping massive human casualties of your own.
And then catching it in your own backyard. People probably think any price would be worth paying to see them taken down, but it's a little different when it's personal.
2/9/2019 c8 22Reaper Nanashi
I think you described Kylie's trauma and loss very well here. In the last two chapters you covered her immediate trauma; in this chapter, you did a great job conveying her continuing condition through the setting to cover weeks of time without trying to address it on a tedious (for you and readers both) day-by-day basis.

At the same time, though, you didn't just "poof" her out of it—the pain is still there, and of course it always will be. She's coping, and that's it. How well she copes (or doesn't) is, I'm sure, something we'll be seeing in upcoming chapters.
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