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for Boulevard of Broken Dreams

11/7/2010 c1 44vonniebeth
okay, thanks anonymous reviewer (:

honestly, saying that sounded SO MUCH NICER than earlier.

-oreoprincess0401
11/7/2010 c1 Anonymous
Nobody is asking that you become a professional, but if you're going to publish your stories, you should expect people to not just fawn over them. So here's some constructive criticism:

-Try to keep the characters as close to their original characterization as possible...or else just write fiction and don't categorize it as fan fiction.

-You don't really follow through on plot points. For example, Henry leaves - he thinks about it - he comes back, all in three or four lines. Why have him leave at all if he's just going to come right back with no event apparently occurring while he's out?

-Don't write like you're describing what's happening as you see it in your head. Write like you're creating the characters so that other people can see them.

-You kind of use dialogue in a weird way. It's like you're using the dialogue to explain what's happening, but the characters shouldn't be telling the story, you should.
11/7/2010 c1 342rainbowfish22
Poor Henry! :(

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