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for If There Is A Will, There Is A Way

9/6/2018 c3 elisa
this is pretty good, so far. not much really wrong with it except a little spelling and grammatical errors, but you have a tendency to repeat phrases and words too much in the same sentence or paragraph, especially like dear valerius and dear gemellus. the best example is when you say my dear bondmaids and then say their names with dear in front of them. it is redundant.

like i said, not too many spelling or grammatical errors, but the biggest grammatical issue you have is commas. sometimes you miss where one should be, but, more often than not, you use one where it should not be. this is a common mistake. there are a many places where you have commas, but, instead, it should be the end of a sentence like "aggripina only pines for one, her and her sister's all fight for him, the all so handsome, valerius." there should be a period after one and there is also an extra comma after handsome. it should not be there. if you have a phrase between commas that can be a sentence on it's own then it should not be flanked by commas but separated into its own sentence and the reason there should be no comma after handsome is because you are describing him with only one adjective. other examples of commas that should be periods are "i will not, you cannot leave gemellus, he needs your guidance!", "i cannot, i fear for the safety of marcus.", "she was gone, i did not know of what direction she went.", and "i need her, i need her so much." in all of these instances, every comma should be period. if a phrase can be removed from a sentence that by itself is not a sentence, then a comma is warranted. like i said before, if a phrase can be removed and it can stand alone as a sentence, then there should be no comma.

i do not know if this was your intention, but in the blue blood novels when there is a bonding, there is no officiant. in the books, they say it is only a red blood thing and that the vampires, who are to be bonded, only need to say the bonding words which are not the words you used. i don't know if you purposefully did that or if you maybe forgot. not that it's a big error or drawback.

finally, no offense, you said "i may not carry this on...i do not have many reviews...it is making me loose faith." a writer writes for one's self regardless of what the public or anyone else thinks or says about it. just keep writing. "better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." - cyril connolly.

and yes, i know, i talk of spelling and grammar and i do not capitalize where required. it's a personal thing. for some reason i like lower case letters better but in official writing instances i do. but keep up the work. i like it and like i said, the comma thing is so incredibly common. don't feel bad. your writing isn't awkward and it flows. be proud of that. that is usually the hardest thing for people who do not write well, plus you've
9/2/2018 c1 Sz8Ym
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12/21/2016 c94 NicoleSyan
Next update? I can't wait literally.
12/21/2016 c18 NicoleSyan
Hey your story is incredible like I love it but you take forever to get to the point like suspense is good but too much gets really boring. But still love your story only constructive criticism here. Keep up the good work.
9/20/2016 c1 Guest
Please update soon. Loving this story. Really want Sky and Jack to get back together and for Jack to finally finding out the truth about Frankie. You're awesome writer. Please continue and update
5/11/2016 c93 2Kris Ivashkov25
I love it. I hope Deming opens up her eyes to Ted so they can be happy. Update soon.
4/26/2016 c93 Guest
Omg I am in love with this story. Please continue and finish it. Really want Jack and Sky to get back together. They were made for each other. Stupid Frankie I hope she dies soon and Jack finally sees her for the person she really is. Really want to see him save his love and daughter. Sky and Jack need to team up and save their daughter. So happy for Mimi and Kingsley. Finally getting the family they deserve. Can the Twin Angels of the Apocalypse and the Angel of Vengeance save Sky? Would love to see.
8/11/2015 c4 nusrat
i really like your a huge fan if mimi and kingsley as well as mimi and oliver/
5/20/2015 c92 5David Fishwick
Awesome idea so far and I hope there is more soon. Will Jack and Schuyler get back together and save Isla?
2/17/2014 c92 2Michelle Vasquez
Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my gawd sorry I'm so stunned by this she needs to save them all of them she knows that Frankie is a nephillim now she has to save her daughter her daughter's conduit and her conduit from the hands of Frankie Duvall the nephillim come on Sky Jack would never betray you...your his true bond mate his one and only true love why did she act so stupid Jack would never he loves her my heart aches for both of them they need to reconcile they need each other they love each other Sky was born for him she was born to love him. Anyway sorry about my ramble and my rather long reviews you probably get tired of hearing me go on on but you story captivated me since I ran across it and I LOve it plz continue it and make a sequel and all that goodness really because I LOve this story so darn much plz plz plz update soon. I'll be waiting anxiously for your update. Anyway much love from me. Your loyal reader follower and reviewer.
2/17/2014 c91 Michelle Vasquez
That was just so beautiful the way Mimi found Kingsley of course she would he's her one true love her soul mate her bond mate her everything of course he new it was her like he said her scent he lives with it of course he would know that they were made for eachother and now they have the blessing of being patents to yet another new soul I wonder what angel their child will be oh also you never mentioned isla force her angelic name and what angel she is that's if she is an angel by that I mean Chace and Coco are new souls too and their angels yet you fail to mention islas true name well enough of that I loved how their having a baby finally those two get to be parents I LOve Mimi and Kingsley too I LOve this story anyway much love from me.
2/17/2014 c90 Michelle Vasquez
Ahhhhhhhhhh someone has to save them oh not this can't be happening the poor girls they must be so scared they don't know what's going on come on Jack Force save your wife save your daughter save your family damn it you have 4 people that need you...you idiot yet I LOve Jack Force I want that bitch dead already she's done enough damage as it is I hate her and in my mind she's dies in a million different ways. Anyway much love from me your new loyal reader follower and reviewer.
2/17/2014 c89 Michelle Vasquez
Oh god no madie can't die after all that she just can't she just remembered who she was and everything oh gosh no I'm do sad. Much love from me.
2/17/2014 c88 Michelle Vasquez
Finally about damn time she remembered who she is finally I wonder how Ollie is going to react when she tells him that she remembers her true identity that she's Jazz mummy and she's been there all along with her without even knowing hopefully jazz will be happy to learn that her mommy never died that she's been there taking care of her since she was put in the care of her father she's been there all this time without remembering and now she finally has her memory back yay...I'm so excited and I just can't hide it. Anyway much love from me your new loyal reader follower and reviewer.
2/17/2014 c87 Michelle Vasquez
Yes finally Ollie your going to do it with Maddie yay I mean not that I approve of cheating no way in hell I don't tolerate that shit I'm not like that but clearly they feel the same so it's ok cuz Frankie is evil and a bitch so she deserves it cuz she done nothing but lie and cheat on my Ollie so serves them right. Anyway much love from me you outspoken and opinionated but loyal reader follower and reviewer.
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