10/19/2009 c1 2pamelamorganhalpert
that was adorable! i laughed so hard when i realized they had both gone to visit the other - at the same time and would be 128 miles away... still! lol.
great job describing them trying to sleep w/o the other - very acurate sounding and descriptive.
my only suggestion - try to work on the dialogue, maybe say it out loud while you write, i didn't think it flowed as well as the other writing in this chapter.
nice job and continue, this is really good!
that was adorable! i laughed so hard when i realized they had both gone to visit the other - at the same time and would be 128 miles away... still! lol.
great job describing them trying to sleep w/o the other - very acurate sounding and descriptive.
my only suggestion - try to work on the dialogue, maybe say it out loud while you write, i didn't think it flowed as well as the other writing in this chapter.
nice job and continue, this is really good!