7/26/2009 c1 7J Luc Pitard
I'll join you in wishing for a happy ending to this wonderful manga. I'd like to thank you for your formatting that makes reading this fanfic easy on the eyes. Now for the criticisms you asked for:
Unfortunately, your wording is somewhat stilted, so the ideas don't flow in places. I'd encourage you to place notes like the koma-oni definition, at the beginning or end but not in the body of the story. There's a tiny continuity problem with her friends not being there and then being at the ceremony. The perspective change was also somewhat unexpected. (This is not a criticism per se) Funny thing you mention "true name" about Amane since that comes into play regarding Hyoue, you were aware of that, no?
Loved Hyoue's dimwit comment. So very like him! The short dialog exchange between them was also quite good. Please write more for this fandom, it needs good stories, but proof read with an eye toward flow.
I'll join you in wishing for a happy ending to this wonderful manga. I'd like to thank you for your formatting that makes reading this fanfic easy on the eyes. Now for the criticisms you asked for:
Unfortunately, your wording is somewhat stilted, so the ideas don't flow in places. I'd encourage you to place notes like the koma-oni definition, at the beginning or end but not in the body of the story. There's a tiny continuity problem with her friends not being there and then being at the ceremony. The perspective change was also somewhat unexpected. (This is not a criticism per se) Funny thing you mention "true name" about Amane since that comes into play regarding Hyoue, you were aware of that, no?
Loved Hyoue's dimwit comment. So very like him! The short dialog exchange between them was also quite good. Please write more for this fandom, it needs good stories, but proof read with an eye toward flow.
3/3/2009 c1 RunningWolf09
Dear Li-san, For someone who is "lacking in [their] English," you have writen a beautifully worded story. Even though it did have noticable gramatical errors, I still enjoyed reading it very much. I hope you continue to write happily! Good luck! Your Fellow Writer, Mikki
Dear Li-san, For someone who is "lacking in [their] English," you have writen a beautifully worded story. Even though it did have noticable gramatical errors, I still enjoyed reading it very much. I hope you continue to write happily! Good luck! Your Fellow Writer, Mikki
1/3/2009 c1 5XXxlovebreaksthebrokenxXX
aw... That is so sweet! That just sort of brightened my day, and I want to thank you for that!
aw... That is so sweet! That just sort of brightened my day, and I want to thank you for that!