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10/27/2018 c10 RedSeven
Compared to the original version of this story, your rewrite thus far contains significant improvement in the use of imagery, bringing it up to par with "Pathways" and "Rising Storm". I found it easier to build a mental image of any given scene in the latter two stories, and seeing the same treatment in your first story is quite enjoyable. I quite look forward to your fleshing out the story once the plague hits full stride; the interaction between humans and Souls at that point was one thing that had attracted me to the story in the first place.
9/3/2018 c1 ZKaNd
Veri n1c3l8nst0riQg
12/5/2015 c6 3Seams
Well, I guess you can go ahead and ignore my PM, because I just finished the whole thing via the link. (And yes, it does need revisions.) I came back on here because I thoroughly enjoyed it and thought it deserved a review.
Firstly, the protagonist: Marc is adorable and insightful. I'm so glad you considered the point of view of the outcast. Original, and I thought his character was well developed. Although, I would say his relationship with Bri was eye-rollingly (yeah i just made that up) predictable. At least it didn't feel forced.
As for plot: as I was reading it I kept getting intrusive flashbacks of the movie 'Contagion' in my head. Seriously, I know you described Annie as young and slight but I couldn't get Kate Winslet out of my head.
Speaking of popular culture, enjoyed the Kubrick ref. (I still maintain the Lolita adaptation was bogus despite what the critics say, but the man IS a visionary... Scott and I would have some fun post-apocalyptic conversations.)
I thought the references to Meyer's original characters were a particularly nice touch. Including Darren, Pet, the refs to places like Arizona and Seattle. I was thinking by the end of it, a meeting between the groups would be initiated but I'm glad you refrained from that sort of repetition. I did glance over Pathways in Darkness a long time ago so I know we'll be meeting them so I'm excited.
I gotta say though, I usually get tired of new characters 'cause fanfic writers usually go at two extremes. Either like zero character development or too much. I would have liked some more background with a few characters, but I understand how it could become tangential and iffy. I thought you got near the balance even if it wasn't perfect. I was surprised to find I grew quite fond of Kate, Mia and Marc. And the nun: again, original. Source material kind of brushes off the faith thing.
I'll round it off by saying this was by far one of my favorite OC stories. I haven't come across a good one since 'Stockholm Syndrome'. Keep it up, and can't wait to continue reading.
6/5/2014 c1 29Edhla
Hi :) I'm a Staffer at RLt. Unfortunately I'm also canon blind, but I'll do my best.

It's no doubt canon, but... what cool character names :D I'm unfamiliar in this context to what a Seeker is, but feel I'm about to find out.

This may be canon, but should "soul" and "wild humans" have capital letters? (If so, by all means, have at it.)

I like that Calm Waters's personality reflects his name, though I felt that both his description and Bright Moon's were a little info-dumpish. The chapter is more or less entirely from Bright Moon's perspective; in that perspective, she's unlikely to be reflecting on how tall Calm Waters is or his hair colour if he's seated beside her in a dark car, and very unlikely to think about herself being young and athletic. If it were mine, I'd consider seeding in details about these characters as the story progresses, rather than pausing the action to explain it.

I did notice a few punctuation errors, mostly surrounding dialogue and particularly in the last italicised section. For example, [Marc sighed, "Yep and she...] should read, [Marc sighed. "Yep, and she...] Speech marks always go outside of any other punctuation marks, so "Worth a try." "So to speak.]

The last section of the chapter takes the plot in an unexpected and satisfying direction. I know that you probably stripped all identifiers beyond "his assistant" to keep the mystery of who is speaking and what they're doing; all the same I couldn't picture anything that was happening in that scene, as if it were two faceless people having a conversation in a white room full of nothing. Perhaps some non-incriminating details would help the reader picture the scene more fully?

Great premise, and I enjoyed reading. Good luck xx
12/15/2013 c15 1Rune1975
Good story. I don't like the 'background villains' they sound too much like James Bond badguys. And we do not get much explanation. In my opinion they are the week part. But since we notice them only twice I can live with it.
The pathogen sounds like a dumb Descolada. Works well.
I love the other villains and the soul/human interaction.

A good resource to see how humans react when cornered with an enemy is "into the white" true story.
This is were I have drawn my 'lenience' toward the enemy from.
12/15/2013 c13 Rune1975
In tears.
Very well written. cruel, but good
12/15/2013 c10 Rune1975
hahaha Love the way Marc introduces himself to Darren.
Also very nice the talk between Crystal and Simon.
Mia, still don't get her, but I suppose that's on purpose
12/15/2013 c9 Rune1975
"they were... merciful."

Another good chapter. playing out very well.
12/15/2013 c7 Rune1975
Another neatly told chapter.
As for the Cryo unit. It's life supplies are meant to last millenia. If there's room it should be able to support more souls. but that's just me.

The sister is very convincing, a figure of authority that simply tells the other how to do something.
Well done.
12/15/2013 c6 Rune1975
Either you have medical experience or you follow "Gray's" closely. And the Seekers reactions... This is well written and convincing.
12/15/2013 c5 Rune1975
Nice chapter. Love the description of the flare bouncing of the walls and shadows. Illustrates it perfectly.
The tension/affection between Marc and Bri is not too obvious, but it's there.

A good chapter
12/14/2013 c4 Rune1975
Love Auntie. Nice reference to Pat as well. The fight was well written and something that I read trough in suspense, so that's good.
Mia... now there's a mystery.
12/14/2013 c2 Rune1975
I like the short and precise descriptions of the characters. Absolutely something to aim for.
Also there are several plot lines developing, and a Nemesis/Villain has already been established. not really concerned about the long intro.
And then again, who is the true villain?
Skyward is fascinating.

Still had to chuckle slightly as the computer hacker is always named Eric.
11/24/2013 c15 RedSeven
Well, that was quite the ride. We start off with the expected mutual hostility between the human survivors and the Seekers that are determined to track them down; the personal dynamic between Bright Moon and Marc (indeed, between the Souls and the humans as well) undergoes an unexpected transformation as they find themselves sharing a common goal with regard to the contagion. But I guess all that progress towards a mutual understanding is all for naught when it comes to Seeker Skyward into the Night, and the merciless pursuit of the wild humans is back on schedule, with the apparent exception of Bright Moon. I eagerly await the second installment of this series.

Now some brief nitpicking: Quite a few misspellings and grammatical errors throughout the chapters, which I'm guessing are the result of an overzealous spellcheck function. There are also occasional sentences where the dialogue from two characters is placed into one paragraph, leading to momentary confusion as to who is speaking to whom. Relatively minor in the grand scheme of things, however, and it doesn't detract much from the flow of the story.

Whoever the bastards are that instigated the plague in the first place, they're coming across a bit much like mustache-twirling villains. I suppose that can't be helped if you intended only very brief appearances for them here, but it seems you're going to flesh them out a great deal in the next story. I'm most curious as to their identities (remnants of the U.S. Army biowarfare unit at Fort Detrick, perhaps?). But it certainly seems they have a scorched-earth policy in mind: The "If we can't take the Earth back, then no one gets to live on it" sort of mentality.

Last point: I hope we get to see more of the world of the Souls in the rest of the trilogy you have planned. We didn't get much exposure to the sci-fi elements of The Host in the novel, and the various fanfic writers' takes on an Earth occupied by the Souls have all been interesting. I look forward to your own rendition in your future stories.
11/23/2013 c15 mariaisabellasmall
I loved this, I have cried and laughed and was frustrated. Please go on with this and just have Fun.
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