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for El Tigre The New Adventures

7/4 c87 38Dreamer Red Streak
1. I feel like your character not liking wrestling is an intended joke XD
2. CACTUS KID
3. "This is the most Mexican thing." YES, THE JOKE MADE IT IN XD
4. Marcus; "So...is this all he does, or?" XD
5. The accuracy to the humor in the show is astounding XD
6. "Well I think you you looked nice in the dress." Cinimawins voice; "Complements. :)"
7. Soccer bonding!
8. Mark, leave the poor twink alone. XD
9. THE HUMOR IS SO ON BEAT FOR THE SHOW XD
10. karma Marcus, karma XD
3/22 c86 Dreamer Red Streak
1. oh my god, eye of the tiger XD
2. mama Maria!
3. Johnny and Marcus are ether training or dating...or both...we'll fight out later. XD
4. "can you get off?" "nope"
5. Johnny is a clean freak, noted XD
6. Marcus, GET YOUSELF TOGETHER! Your home sounds awful.
"I could get you maid outfit." Johnny internally; "jokes on you, I'm into that."
7. awww, whether this is shipping fluff or friendship fluff, idk, but it's fluffy and adorable bonding!
8. Sorry demon boy, people care for you, and ya got know choice.
9. when Frida slapped him on the back, i half expected Marcus to collapse in pain XD
10. Johnny, you poor, poor, distressed bi. XD "everyone around me is hot...THIS IS AWFUL!"
11. "why are you apologizing to me?" THAT IS ONE OF THE BEST DAMN JOKES IN THIS ENTIRE FIC! XD
12. the ice doesn't sound like a better sensation...now down there anyways. XD
3/12 c85 28heavy5comando
And i thought my story was gonna go extended. Thus surely has a lot of shit going down that seems like a cartoon that still hasn't been revived.

Hey, Jack remember me?
2/14 c85 38Dreamer Red Streak
1. Ooooh, is Johnny going on a date? X3
2. "truer words have never been spoken" XD
3. Frida getting a confidence boost. X3 yay
4. ah Manny, that feeling when no one can play with you today XD
5. training montage!
6. they make zebra donkey underwear? XD and Manny, you really just need to buy pants that don't require a belt XD
7. "I think he's calling you out." oh, do you now? what lead you to think that? XD
8. also, DJANGO
9. "HEY WIT A MINUET!" that was so perfect! felt like an actually moment from the cartoon XD
10. please Django, this is no time to admit a crush XD
11. "wow you can see the meat" ...Ronnie...wtf
12. ...was Johnny on a date with Marcus, and they got a little to into it? XD (I'M SORRY, I HAD TO MAKE THE JOKE XD) Johnny; "yup, training, totally what we were doing..."
13. "WE WILL RUIN THAT SCHOOL TOGETHER!" THATS THE SPIRIT FRIDA?
1/18 c13 Dreamer Red Streak
1. The mental image of a bunch of bandits being caught in a wave is really funny to me XD
2. What a rude scottsmen.
3. Ok, in all fairness, I can easily imagine this city having a portal to hell casually in an alleyway behind a trashbin XD
4. Dylan, the town is not a mess. It only seems that way because you do not live there, to everyone else, this is normal. XD
5. Manny; "oh, I see..."
Leng; "You have no idea what i mean, do you?"
Manny; "not a clue."
6. ah no, meditation. XD
7. Manny, Leng, don't think too hard on it. Just be yourself and quit thinking to hard about it, ultimately you are yourself no matter what, every bit of it. We are all simply animals taking in emotions and moments.
8. "How are you alive." Maybe she's the child of Fortuna, or Eris. XD
9. Oh Rodolfo...
10. "with cheese dip!"
11. You wright Rodolfo very well btw XD
12/21/2020 c1 44delirious.melon
Hey, friend! Sorry this review took a little longer than expected to post; I had to finish and publish a request for someone.

Alright, so, the first thing I noticed were the comma errors. There are several places throughout this chapter in which a comma was necessary, or there were too many commas inserted in places they did not need to be. For example, this sentence at the end:

"Do you mean Manny, and this boy?" Rodolfo said pointing at Marcus.

The correct way to write this sentence would be,

"Do you mean Manny and this boy?" Rodolfo said, pointing at Marcus.

That can also tie into my next point that you seem to use the word "said" a lot. Although "said" is a common, correct way to write dialogue, it would make your story a lot more expressive if you used other words like "exclaimed", "muttered", "inquired", "mumbled", "wondered".

I would also like to point out that, starting from the third paragraph, you seemed to be switching back and forth between present and past tense. That is, unfortunately, a grammatical error. If you use a verb in past tense like "said", you can't go on to use verbs in present tense, like "wipes", "looks", etc.

As for the story itself, it was purely dialogue-based. That's not really a problem in and of itself, but there was a stunning lack of description. I recommend working on describing each new location the characters enter. Don't describe the same location twice, but at the same time, if the characters move to a new area that hasn't been described before, you do need to make sure the readers know exactly what it looks like and how the characters got there. The same could be said for describing emotions. Overall, I had a very hard time making any personal connections with the characters in this story because you gave them little to no emotional context. Their thoughts and feelings are a huge, important factor in the story that I feel was lacking just a bit. In the future, try writing down some internal dialogue for the characters. Try describing their emotions in more detail, including how they react to everything happening in the story.

My above point can tie into characterization, which is a huge component to every story. Because the characters weren't physically or emotionally described, there was almost no characterization at all. Each and every character is unique both in appearance and in personality. As someone who also used to struggle with characterization, I understand fully that this is a bit difficult to figure out. It's a fairly easy fix, though. Start practicing describing characters in appearance, and make sure to describe their emotions like I mentioned above. How they react to certain events in the story defines their personality, so it's important to make sure you describe those things instead of just giving them dialogue and vague actions.

As for the flow of the story, I think you actually did a pretty good job there! I liked how you placed the transitions between scenes, those were well-done and easy to follow. The dialogue was a little chunky and difficult to read in some places, but other than that, I think you did really well with moving through the scenes.

Lastly, I want to commend you for rewriting the entire season of a show. That's something extremely difficult to do. I applaud you for recognizing that the first season was sorely lacking in a lot of different aspects, and for taking it upon yourself to fix those things and create a revised version of it. That's something not a lot of other authors do, and I think you did an excellent job overall.

If there's anything else I can help you with, please let me know. I hope you found this review to be helpful. Take care! Happy holidays!

-UltimatexAdmin
12/14/2020 c84 38Dreamer Red Streak
1. Ronnie walking into the room must have looked just like that "guy with pizza walks into on fire apartment" meme XD
2. YES! THE ANCIENT TIGER SPIRIT RETURNS!
3. oooh I really like that move name "song of the underworld." I love that name so much *cries on the floor from joy* IT'S SO POETIC AND GOTHIC SOUNDING! MY LITTLE WITCH HEART LOVES IT! XD
4. DING DONG THE BITCH IS DEAD! or in this case, the vampire XD
5. That was a very classic vampire movie kind of ending to Clara. loved it.
6. This entire arc was an absolute delight. You should be very proud of it. 10/10 would read again! 5 stars! Loved it!
12/13/2020 c84 1Flutter Night
Damn that fight was awesome. The vampires have been slained and Team Rivera are going back home. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
12/7/2020 c10 17Marcustine Overdrive
Hey, I send you a greeting!

I've been reading a few chapters of this story and they're actually pretty great. In fact, I liked it so much that I would like to do a Spanish translation of it (We need long and good stories in the Spanish part). Sure, as long as you give me permission to do it

Obviously I would put the respective credits to your person and the link to the original story. In any case, please answer me by PM

A hug and goodbye!
11/22/2020 c83 1Flutter Night
Woohoo! It continues! Man that was pretty amazing! Good riddance to those vampire kids, now only a few remain. Hopefully this arc ends in the next chapter.
11/21/2020 c83 38Dreamer Red Streak
1. Johnny is OP and dope. (nobody tell him though, his pride is bad enough)
2. I'm sorry Vamp mama, but yo kid was f**ked up and had to go.
3. This is a really messed up vampire family. Alrich will be happy to see them go XD
4. Kiera take em down wolf girl!
5. ...I like snakes but i still found all that unsettling o_o that's a lot of scaly worm bois.
6. *after Liliths death* Frida, singing; "shot through the heart, and your to blame-"
7. JOHNNEY, HOW'D YOU GET LOST!?
8. Duval, they are gonna kick your ass. XD
7/14/2020 c12 Dreamer Red Streak
1. Marcus, your hero name is now "Freaking Monster Demon Thing." XD
2. Jasper! how dare you! that was just a trick to make weak mortals stronger! XD
3. William, you is right to worry
4. The tiger spirit is likely very pissed right now. How dare mere mortals try to cage him!
5. Aww, nice dad Rodolfo.
6. DJANGO! DJANGO! DJANGO! DJANGO! DJANGO!
7. DJANGO, SWEET SKELETON MUSIC CHILD, NO!
8. oooh, Marcus lore. (something is funny about calling it Marcus lore, but we going with it XD)
9. Yeah, thinks did go south. It went south faster than a flock of geese.
10. I saw the word Heavy, and my mind auto completed it as "heavy cream"...is that bad? XD
11. Tetsuo, you are not fit to be the father of those eggs!
3/13/2020 c82 1Flutter Night
So this took an interesting turn of events. The gang and the werewolves are having a bit of trouble there. Can't wait for the next chapter now.
3/13/2020 c79 Flutter Night
So a vampires wedding day is gonna be ruined huh? I'm liking this a lot now.
3/12/2020 c78 Flutter Night
The heroes, a monster hunter, and a family of werewolves vs. A family of Vampires. This gonna be sweet.
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