All You Can Eat

Hulk was hungry. That was no problem before, but now they were all running out of food. "Hulk wants to eat, Metal Man," he growled as the two of them roamed the streets of what had once been midtown Manhattan.

The creature that had once been Tony Stark sighed. "I've tried to explain it before. We can't eat each other." The former Iron Man thought wistfully of Xavier's school for mutants-now that had been a buffet a man could sink his teeth into!

"Hulk doesn't care. If Metal Man doesn't find food for Hulk soon, Hulk will…"

"Hulk will do what? Smash more stuff, bub?" Wolverine-or what had once been the X-Man Wolverine-appeared from a maze of wrecked and abandoned vehicles, gnawing on what had once been a human thigh bone. "It ain't our fault you have to eat ten times as much as the rest of us."

"Others take small shares," Hulk growled. "Hulk only takes what's rightfully his. Hulk is bigger and stronger. Hulk will always need more!" He slammed a huge fist into the pavement, making a crater as he did so.

"Everybody just calm down." Colonel America's slowly decaying figure joined them. His shield was stained with blood; he'd apparently been the most successful in satisfying his hunger. "We'll need to learn how to conserve our resources and share what we have left."

"Fine by me. All I ask is that we have room for leftovers. Maybe a snack now and then." Spider-Man swung down from a web. "Besides, I don't eat much; you guys can have my shares if I don't want them."

"Well, ain't that generous," Wolverine sarcastically remarked.

"He's right," Iron Man replied, indicating their erstwhile leader, Colonel America. "The other heroes will be fighting among each other now that Galactcus is gone. We can leave Earth to them and go elsewhere for food."

"What does Metal Man mean?" Hulk demanded.

"He means there's a whole universe out there we can feast on," Wolverine explained. "Well, why not? There ain't nothing else here keeping us." He looked at Spider-Man. "You with us pal?"

Spider-Man shrugged. "There's one stop I have to make first…"

EDITORIAL OFFICE, DAILY BUGLE

J. Jonah Jameson stood his ground, terrified though he was. "Well, this tears it. I always said you were no good, and here you are to prove it!" He chomped on his cigar in satisfaction as he stared the web-swinger down.

Spider-Man sighed. "It didn't have to end like this. I didn't WANT to eat those people; I had to." He perched himself on Jameson's desk. "Just like I'm now going to have to eat you. You'll probably give me indigestion, too."

"I hope I make you gag!" Jameson managed to say before Spider-Man eagerly devoured him.

When he was done, Spidey looked around at the blood-splattered office. "Well, at least I ate before we left. The universe is a big place." Then he swung out through an open window. The others were waiting.