A/N: This is going to be a spin-off type story. None of my OCs are in this. I don't own Zombieland, only Sarge.


Two months.

About 61 days.

That is how long before the entire United States was overrun by zombies.

Yes you heard that correctly.

Zombies, or zeds as I like to call them.

What caused this? Well, a certain strain of mad cow disease mutated into the mad human disease which then mutated into the mad zombie disease.

Wait, that sounded like a game for some reason.

Never mind that, I'm getting off track, called me Sarge, just call me that. I'd rather not give out my real name. I worked at the Chicago police department, riot squad, before this entire thing blew over. Now, I thought this thing was just a minor type disease that would blow over like the common cold, but when I saw it affect people.

Oh yeah, I was so wrong.

When the virus hit Chicago, the city literally fell apart in seconds. People were turning and getting eaten by the mass, and the CPD were overwhelmed. We didn't have the manpower or the firepower to beat back the swarm of zeds.

How I survived?

I ran the fuck outta there.

No really, I RAN.

Forget about honor and protecting the populous, when hell broke loose that day, it's every man, woman, and child for himself or herself.

No one really paid attention when I ran, they were too busy getting eaten alive.

When I ran I didn't have much on me, only my standard issue riot gear, it had full-body protection, gas-mask helmet, metal baton, couple of flash bangs, my 9mm Glock, and a metal riot shield.

I felt like I was going to die within a few days, but for some reason luck was on my side. I was able to find food and water from scavenging abandoned houses and buildings, as well as finding some backup weapons, but no guns sadly: a machete, and a baseball bat with nails hammered inside them. But my luck didn't end there, for some reason the zeds ignored me.

That's right, IGNORED ME.

I walked through a town full of them and none paid any attention to me. I wondered why they didn't attack me until I realized why,

I was covered in blood and guts from zombies I killed earlier.

I guess they thought I was just another zombie like them, cause from the amount of blood on me, I think I can pass for one, appearance wise that is.

Now what most people are probably asking right now is where am I going.

When I ran from Chicago, that was my first question. I decided to head south.

Why?

I don't know, but I think because it's warmer there, considering I grew up in a place warm, and not freezing cold like Chicago.

As I traveled south, I hoped to see any other survivors, anyone else who is not currently a zed, but I didn't find anyone, well I did find some but they were either dead or a zombie.

But enough about me lets head back to where I was right now.

I walked down an abandoned main street of an unknown town, I was too lazy to read where I was, and it was dark and eerily spooky. My mask didn't help either, but I didn't want to take it off. I also didn't want to use my flashlight, didn't want to attract those zeds.

I found a store that wasn't damaged as much from vandals and decided to hunker down for the night. I barricaded the door and checked for any zeds inside the general store, I found none. I put down my riot shield, and bat and sat on the ground, back against the wall. I sighed as I lifted my mask/helmet off my face, and wiped the sweat off with my hand.

"Day 85… ah fuck it," I said as I got out my water bottle and took a good chug from it. "Still no signs of intelligent life, and still an unknown distance to southern U.S"

I took the time to fill up on any supplies that I found in the store and put it in my backpack, which I "borrowed" from a dead person. After doing so I checked outside to see if any zeds were outside, then I sat back down and drifted into an uneasy sleep.

Time Skip

I awoke to sound of glass breaking and someone yelling profanities.

"What the fuck," I thought as I got my mask on. I gathered my stuff and readied my Glock and shield. I cleared the door and went outside to check out the commotion.

What I found slightly amused me.

A man in a short- brimmed hat was currently going ham on a minivan with a crowbar. While a teen, I guess his partner, watched from the sides.

I causally walked over to the teen and looked at him before looking back at the man.

"What is he doing?" I asked the teen.

"Oh that just Tallahassee being Tallahassee," he replied.

We stood in silence as we watched "Tallahassee" smash another window of the minivan.

"What is he ranting about?"

"Oh just some girls just coned us out of our car and guns,"

"And do you realize you're talking to a complete stranger, right?"

"Yes, I- wait WHAT!"

He took one look at me before jumping and falling on the ground. "Uh-uh-uh stay back," he said as he grabbed a piece of cardboard. 'I know how to use this,"

"First off, you're holding a piece of cardboard, and second I'm not going to kill you," I said as I pulled the cardboard out of his hands. "Besides, I'm a survivor just like you,"

"R-r-really? But you look like a complete psychopath,"

"Oh about that, you see the cleaners isn't open today so…"

"Ug, never mind," he said as he got up.

"What your name son?" I asked him.

"Columbus," he said.

"Sarge," I replied as I shook his hand.


A/N: This is just a side-story I made. It's just going to the end of the movie, if you watched it, that is.

-D.W