Chapter 1: The Rebirth (written on January 31st, 2021)


Kate's Point of View


Imagine being born as an adult. That was what it felt like, or at least that's what I think. No one remembers their actual birth obviously, but I bet what I went through is what it feels like. It appeared I had a rebirth. I had entered a new life, beginning where the old one left off. I had no knowledge of my previous life, none whatsoever. There were no memories of wolves, no memories of events that happened before my rebirth. What I knew for certain was that I was a wolf. I knew how to breathe and that I needed food to survive. I could recognize animals. But I didn't know my family and friends, I didn't know why I woke up on a train, I didn't know my place in society or what rank I was, and I didn't know my own name.

My rebirth was almost nine months ago. At first, things were tough. Although I was bombarded with questions that gave me a lot of anxiety, I knew that they were only trying to process the tragedy. To them, a member died. I wasn't Kate. Kate didn't exist anymore... Once that became clear a week after we arrived at our destination, the stress gradually subsided. A week of fifty questions turned into a month of a few questions. There was a period of depression that lasted for a few months, especially within my close family, but acceptance eventually came.

But while they accepted what happened, I struggled to find a sense of belonging that would lead me to that point. As far as I was concerned, these wolves were strangers, and there was no proof that most of anything they told me was even true. But after being reborn, my options were limited. My life experience was erased, and they were the first wolves I met. And they were willing to help me, which strongly suggested that they were friendly. I believed that everything they said was a fact, but it could never be a real conviction. There were no things I would die for, things that the previous Kate would've personally known for years. There were no memories like that to speak of. I entered my second life receiving the strangest sensations.

They said I was struck by a metal sign, a thing, like the train, that was manmade. Apparently, the one animal I didn't remember existing was a human. Imagine waking up inside of a thing you couldn't begin to comprehend. The words to identify manmade objects had disappeared from my head. As you can guess, I was so overwhelmed nearly nine months ago, and I'm eternally grateful for the surrounding wolves who tried to fill me in and address my wounds. I woke up with what had to be the worst headache known to wolfkind. Additionally, my mouth was bleeding since the sign had knocked out many of my teeth. I also had a black eye. No one knew for sure how it came, but my daughter, Jenny, suspected that Humphrey punched me.

Humphrey...

This character appeared in a lot of the questions I got. He was important to my previous life. He was my lover, but Jenny told me he betrayed me. My friends and family could only give me bits of the story since key portions happened only between the two of us over the course of three years. From what I could gather in simpler language, things were complicated, I was defiled by another wolf, and we horribly fell apart. The Humphrey thing intrigued me. I wanted to know what happened. It bothered me that I left this wolf on such bad terms. I wanted to make things right... but at the moment, it wasn't possible. We left our home of Jasper for a reason. It was because of Humphrey, but it was mostly because our home was being invaded by murderers called Rogues.

Our new home was a place called Sawtooth, hundreds of miles south of Jasper. When we arrived a year ago, my friends and family quickly established a way of life. Sasha built a group of dens for us after Hutch did some exploring. We settled on a good-sized clearing between a stream and a large slope that was a part of the snowcapped mountain that dominated the area. Caribou were hard to come by in Sawtooth, so we made up for it by getting fish from the stream. I had to fish because I could not hunt... Hutch put it satisfyingly.

"I can't believe it!" he had said. "You were once my hunting partner... Now, I'm not sure if you are an Alpha at all." Indeed, I wasn't... I didn't even have the mental fitness to hunt. I attempted a few times, but my anxiety would always punish me. There was no thrill, only fear. Fishing didn't provoke it, so for many hours a day, I was on fish duty whether the Alphas wanted that or not. Almost everything gave me anxiety. I was in the wrong body, living the life that someone else should have. For many nights, I wondered in the darkness of my den if I should tell everyone to call me by a different name, a new name. But that would be immoral. My friends and family had their own stresses, and it would be selfish of me to rob them of the reminder of someone they lost. Although in every sense I didn't feel like I belonged, I had to belong to them. They needed me probably more than I needed them. Jenny, supposedly my daughter, needed me the most. She lost a dear friend, a brother, and who I used to be.

"Mom?" said Jenny. It was midnight, and she had just woken me up, but I didn't care. I saw that she was in tears, so I promptly went and hugged her tightly.

"Go ahead. What's the matter?" I cooed. She then showed me her arms, which were covered in fresh marks. The blood started to collect on the floor.

"I broke the streak... I thought... I thought I could..."

"It's okay... It's okay... You simply just... start a new streak," I suggested calmly. Jenny slowly nodded. As much as I wasn't her mother, I was glad I could be somewhat motherly. It was awkward at first, but I grew to really appreciate the she-wolf. I connected much more with her than anyone else in the group. Jenny was a real friend while Hutch, the leader among us, was closer to an acquaintance. I knew Sasha the least, mostly because she always kept to herself. And Jasmine... I had no idea what to make of Jasmine.

Suddenly, as I thought of her, I saw her young ones' eyes from outside. They were wondering what was going on. "Jordan, Jessie, Jamie, everything's fine. Go back to sleep."

"No, Mom, it's okay," said Jenny who then beckoned to them. They came to Jenny and hugged her all at once. I watched it with my head tilted. Their hugs were far more authentic. Clearly, I still had quite a lot to learn.