My very first Good Omens fanfic! I have only found out about the excistance of it a week ago and already almost finished the series! I am too scared to watch the last episode, I don't want it to end! But nonetheless here is my fanfic. Warning: contains swearing!

Aziraphale walked into the pharmacy and looked around. He tried to be as casual as possible but failed miserably. But how can anyone expect him to remain calm after the phonecall he had just received in his bookshop? He had been reading a rather facinating chapter in one of his newest additions to his collection when the phone had rang. Being polite as he was, he answered…a bit annoyed one might add, but still he anwered.

Half an hour earlyer:

"Good evening, sorry but the bookshop is closed, please call back…"

"It's me…"

"Oh Crowley!"

Aziraphale's voice immediately softened and a smile appeared on his face.

"I need your help Angel…something's wrong."

Indeed the demon's voice sounded distressed.

"What's wrong?"

"I uh…I can't tell you over the phone, I need you here."

Aziraphale frowned and listened closely as Crowley gave him an address. The angel scribbled it down on a piece of paper and promised to be there as soon as possible.

Present time:

Aziraphale greeted the girl behind the counter politely and looked around again. Finally he saw a flash of red hair in the far corner of the store. He walked towards it, hoping not to draw out any attention, whisteling as he went, just as any human who didn't want to draw attention did in the movies he had seen. He stopped when he was next to the red haired person. He looked and saw that he had mistaken a lady for Crowley and was about to walk to the next aisle when she spoke to him.

"Good to see you Angel." The woman said.

Aziraphale's eyes almost popped out of his head.

"Crowley?" He asked too loud. "Is that you?" He whispered shooting a glance to the girl in the front of the shop, who did not even look up from her phone.

"Of course it's me." Crowley hissed.

Aziraphale looked at the demon.

"When you said you would become the anti-Christ's nanny I didn't think you would…well…"

He felt his cheeks flush as he vaguely gestured to Crowley's chest area.

"I thought it would be more convincing to become a woman." Crowley said annoyed. "Got a problem with that Angel?"

"No…no…no I do not." Aziraphale stuttered. "It's just…I'll get used to it."

"It's not a permanent thing." Crowley said.

"Well you look very good as a woman….not that you didn't look good as a man I mean, I do prefer the old Crowley…"

Now Aziraphale's entire head turned red and Crowley shifted uncomfortably for a second.

"So how can I help you?" the angel asked quickly.

"Well I have been a woman for almost four weeks now and I have stumbled upon a problem…" the demon said.

Aziraphale frowned. He had never seen Crowley this uncomfortable before.

"Do you know uh…how any of this works?"

The red haired woman gestured towards the shelves in front of them. Aziraphale looked and his eyes fell on some long rectangular boxes. He gasped loudly.

"Are you pregnant?!"

"WHAT?" The demon responded in a high pitched tone. "NO of course I'm not pregnant!"

Crowley grunted and clutched her lower stomach.

"What's wrong?" The angel asked worried.

She grabbed Aziraphale by the head and turned it a few centimeters to the left.

"Oh…" Aziraphale said. "OH…yes that…uhm…"

"It feels like a knife is stabbing my guts out over and over again." Crowley said.

"Well just miracle yourself back to a man." Aziraphale said.

"That was my original plan yes…but it turns out that turning your body into another gender is a pretty big miracle." Crowley said. "Within the first ten minutes I got a visit from Ligur, asking what was going on."

"And did he found out about our plan?" Aziraphale asked nervous.

"No I lied and said it was more easy to tempt men this way." "But I can't just keep changing, they'll get suspicious."

Crowley suddenly bent over and pressed two hands against her stomach.

"Oh fuck…fuck…fuck…" She groaned.

"Alright, let's see what we've got here." Aziraphale said. "What about these?"

He was about to grab a box of tampons but Crowley shook her head.

"No, no definetly not those." She said. "Already tried those two days ago."

The angel shot her a confused look.

"You gotta shove those in…well there…and it certainly isn't as pleasurable as it souds like…"

The angel shot her a disgusted look.

"Well anyway, I used one before I went to bed and when I woke up from my twenty hour nap, I almost died."

"You what?"

"Died Angel, those things make you sick, so sick that I almost discorporated!"

Aziraphale quickly pulled his hand back and eyed the boxes with fear as they moved along the aisle. The angel noticed that Crowleys hands were tightly balled into fists.

"If it's that painfull just change back into a man for a couple of days." He said. "Make some excuse for the people downstairs, you are good at that."

"I can't do that every month."

"Every MONTH?!"

Both of them turned to the counter to see that the girl was still busy on her phone.

"Would you shut it?" The demon hissed. "Honestly Angel I asked you to come because I thought you would know more about this stuff than I do!"

"How would I know more about this than you?"

"You read books all the time, surely you must have read something about all…this…"

"Well I haven't, but I will try to be of some help for you."

Crowley grabbed a purple package from one of the shelves.

"What about this?"

Aziraphale took it from her and read what was written on it.

"Diva cup?" He asked.

Crowley read along with him over his shoulder and shivered.

"What the fu…" She said but quickly stopped by the reprimandig look of her companion. "That comes straight out of Hell itself."

She groaned deeply and even grabbed Aziraphales arm to squeeze in.

"Honestly what did the women ever do to deserve such pain every month?"

Aziraphale sighed and looked around. He really needed to do something, it was clear that his demon was in a great deal of pain. His eyes fell on the girl behind the counter. He walked towards her and made sure to use his kindest smile.

"Excuse me young lady?"

The girl looked up from her phone with a bored look.

"Yes sir?"

"Uhm my friend is in a predicament."

He gestured to Crowley who was now fully leaning on one of the shelves, looking white as a sheet.

"You see, she is having the…monthly female discomfort."

The girl raised her eyebrows. "The what?"

"My insides are being torn apart bit by bit!" Crowley yelled through the store.

The girl nodded and stepped away from the counter. She walked to one of the shelves close to Crowley, grabbed a large pack and walked over to a aisle further and took a small box. She then walked back to the counter with Crowley behind her.

"Here." She said as she entered the items into the cash register. "Pads for the flow and some pain medication that I find works the best."

"And the pads, uhm, how does that work?" Aziraphale asked.

The girl looked from him to Crowley and back.

"You just…put them in your underwear."

"Can they kill a woman or make them sick?"

"Not that I know…"

The girl quickly put everything in a bag and handed it to Crowley. The demon handed the girl some money with a reasonable tip and the two left the store.

"Thanks for that Angel." Crowley said. "That girl must think we're idiots though."

"Oh don't mention it, glad I could help."

The angel noticed that Crowley had a hard time to even walk straight.

"Shall I drive?" He asked. "I came by bus, but I don't like to travel in public this late."

The demon nodded and handed the keys without any word. Aziraphale frowned.

"You can take some of those pills on the way home." He suggested.

Again the demon nodded. "Angel, do you mind if I sleep on your couch in the bookshop?"

"Of course not, but why?"

"I don't feel like being alone tonight."

"What if I stay at your place?" The angel asked. "You can sleep in your own bed, I think that would be more comfortable wouldn't it?" "I can read in your livingroom, I never sleep anyway."

"That would be nice indeed."

They stepped into the Bentley and Aziraphale started to drive them home. Crowley took two pills at once. After a few minutes Aziraphale noticed that the woman next to him had gone limp. A slow steady breathing was heard. The angel smiled. Seemed the pills were already doing their job. When they finally arrived in front of the right building, Aziraphale used a small miracle to move both of them straight into Crowley's appartment. After a quick bathroom visit, he helped Crowley walk to the bedroom. Finding it undecent to help her get dressed for bed, the angel decided to use another small miracle to change her clothes.

"There you go." He whispered as he guided her into the bed.

"Thanks Angel, I owe you one." Crowley slurred, sleep drunk.

"Oh don't be silly, happy to help."

He walked away and turned off the lights. After helping himself to some tea ( he really ought to stock Crowleys kitchen with some cocoa, but enough miracles for one night) he made himself comfortable on Crowley's couch with a thick book. After a few minutes, a soft snoring rose from the bedroom. Aziraphale smiled, man or woman some things hadn't changed.

THE END