Chapter 6

Emma can feel Shalimar's certainty about staying with Mutant X. Which is about the only reason she's able keep up her facade of calm until she gets back to the safety of her own bedroom.

Part of her wants to hate Richard for what he's done. He got one woman killed. He nearly killed himself. He'd put Shalimar's life in danger. If Shalimar had decided to give up her life here for him... if she'd taken the serum...

Donna's body was in Genomex's hands because of Richard's ignorance and arrogance. And that could've easily been Shalimar.

But the thing is, Emma can also feel Richard's regret. His guilt. And the start of something that Emma rather suspects will grow into self loathing over time. She should tell Adam to make sure Richard gets some kind of counseling. In the morning, though. Or in the afternoon, rather, as Emma suspects she'll be dragging Adam off to tuck him into his own bed after she wakes up. No doubt he'd be running on no sleep and too much caffeine and someone had to make sure he took care of himself.

Richard's regret isn't enough to stop Emma from wanting to hate him. Pretty much the only thing that does, is that she's always been bad at hating. It's just not an emotion that comes easily to her, for all that she's felt it so strongly from others over the years. She's better with resentment and she definitely resents Richard.

But he'll be leaving soon, to recuperate out of state, and odds are that Emma will never have to see him again. She'll never have to feel his well-spring of internalized New Mutant prejudices. And she'll never have to feel the way he'd made Shalimar doubt herself again either.

It still takes Emma a long time to quiet her mind enough to sleep.


Richard leaves a few days later on the Helix with Brennan and Adam. His goodbyes with Shalimar are subdued and there's clearly a moment where he wanted to kiss Shal, but she hugs him goodbye instead. His disappointment is palpable and it mixes uncomfortably with his growing sense of self loathing. Adam's aware of what Emma's been sensing going on in Richard's head, though, and it won't be just physical therapy he'll be getting in Nevada.

Emma feels awful for being relieved Shalimar turned Richard's advances away this time, but... she's glad that whatever connection those two had shared had clearly already fallen apart. It's a petty, jealous feeling, but Emma isn't going to pretend she's above that.

All emotions are natural and Emma's knows that people can feel terrible things and still choose to do the right thing. To act compassionately even when they don't feel particularly charitable. And that's the standard Emma's learned to hold herself to. She can feel however she wants about something or someone, but she has to be willing to show kindness even when it's hard.

Still, it's a relief when the Helix leaves the base.

"I'm going to go make some sandwiches for lunch," Jesse said once the bay doors had shut once more. "What would you ladies like? We've got ham, cheese, peanut butter, honey, and various jellies..."

"Peanut butter and honey," Emma said immediately. "I'll make some iced tea to go with the sandwiches," she added.

"Ham and cheese for me," Shalimar chimed in. "And we've got some carrots we need to either use or lose, so how about I contribute to our lunch with those?"

Jesse beamed and nodded. "Sounds tasty. Adam'll be so proud of us kids, eating healthy," he added with a teasing grin.

"That he's team lead aside, Adam really is the dad friend isn't he?" Emma replied with a grin. "Gives a nice family feeling to be around here."

"He'd get all grumpy if we actually told him that, though." Shalimar grinned and latched her arm with Emma's as they all headed towards the kitchen. "He'd never admit it, but he totally pouts when he's grumpy." Shalimar feels bright and happy, like she's pleased with all the choices she's made. And she's had a couple of big ones to struggle with lately, thanks to Richard and the questions his serum had raised. But it's nice to feel Shalimar settling back to her usual, cheerful self again.

"That sounds adorable." Emma grinned impishly. "Please tell me there are pictures."

"We might," Jesse told her, mischief dancing in his voice, "have saved a few screenshots off the security cameras."


After lunch, Jesse disappeared to play video games. Though he didn't leave before giving Shalimar an exaggerated wink and thumbs up that made Shalimar's emotions spark with equal parts amusement and embarrassment and, weirdly enough, fear.

What could Shalimar possibly have to be afraid of? She was Shal. And why would Jesse be teasing her for it...

"Um..." And now Shalimar seemed very nervous. Even without her empathic abilities, it'd be obvious to Emma just how nervous the other woman was. "I really... there's something I really need to talk to you about."

"Sure?" Emma tilted her head to the side and, maybe, projected a little calm.

Shalimar breathed out softly, steadying. "I've always thought I was... always told myself I was straight."

Emma's breath caught. Was Shalimar saying...

"And since I'm attracted to men, it was... easy to just... to just pretend I never felt anything like that for women too." Shalimar's emotions were all over the place now. Fear and pride and shame and anticipation and... "I remember the way it was at school, for the kids who came out as queer. Who were outed. The way other kids treated them and the way their parents... how all the adults around us acted... I was afraid to acknowledge that part of myself. I'm still afraid. But I'm trying to learn how not to be."

"Shal..."

"I'm not straight. I don't... don't know what I want to call myself yet, but I'm not straight. I'm not..." Shalimar took a shaky breath, tears in her eyes even as she smiled in what looked like relief.

Emma stepped forward and wrapped Shalimar in a hug. "Oh, Shal, I'm so proud of you," she murmured, face buried against blonde hair. She hated to let her go when their hug came to an end. "What made you finally recognize you're attraction to women?"

"You did." Shalimar ducked her head. "I think I'm falling in love with you, Emma. And that scared me. So when I met Richard... an attractive man offering me everything I've been told I'm supposed to want since my mom bought me my first Ken and Barbie dolls... and it was the hardest thing I've ever done to admit I didn't want it. I didn't want him or a nice house with a white picket fence or to be normal. What I want is to learn how to be as proud of myself for being... for being queer as I am for being a New Mutant. And... I'd like to be your girlfriend. If you don't mind being patient and taking things slow with me while I figure all this out."

"Oh, Shal," Emma breathed out, reaching up to cup Shalimar's face with her hands. She wasn't sure if it was just her own elation she was feeling or if this bubbly feeling of joy was coming from Shalimar too. Gently, she smoothed her thumbs along Shalimar's cheekbones. "I'd like very much to kiss you, if that's okay?"

Shalimar nodded and, already a little breathless from anticipation, Emma leaned in to fit her mouth against Shalimar's. It's a short, chaste kiss, but it leaves Emma's lips tingling afterwards.

This time, Emma's certain that Shalimar's feeling just as giddy as she does. A sweet, if a bit silly, grin steals its way onto Shalimar's face as she leans her forehead against Emma's - Emma's hands having migrated to Shalimar's shoulders during the kiss. "That was really nice," Shalimar murmured.

"So does this make me your closet key?" Emma asked, teasing just a little bit.

"Huh... I guess it does." Shalimar laughed, the sound happy and freeing and making Emma giggle too. "Can we just... do you mind if we just watch a movie and cuddle all afternoon?"

"Not at all." Emma thought her heart might burst, she felt so happy. "That sounds perfect."


Notes: According to AUREA the earliest use of the term aromantic is from 2005. Mutant X season 1 was in 2001, so it's more likely Adam would have described himself in terms of asexuality or non-limerence if he'd made time for labels at all. But Adam is relatable to me specifically in terms of my aromanticism so... in this alternate universe where Mutant X takes place, we'll say that aromantic was already in use by the time Emma and Brennan joined the Mutant X team, that way Adam can identify as aro.