A curious naval base in the far north...

Although I am a shipgirl, I have little use in large scale battles. Some obsolete ships are modernized to be fit enough for struggling battles, but I'm part of the unfortunate class that is tossed aside. The thought of having little use is making me itch in frustration, specially after losing one of my sister ships. Royal Oak is gone after an enemy submarine torpedoed her while within territorial waters.

"What has this life become?"

I sink into my frustration, only repeatedly asking myself. Not just shipgirls, I watched good people die. Those who are stronger than me dies first while someone as useless like keep on living.

"Why...of all people...why am I still here...?"

More than anything right now, I just want to be numb from this despair. This war has been stretching for so long, but nothing is going to ever change. Every battle I've been into makes me realize that if it's worth fighting anymore.

The suffocating smell of thick smoke...

The fresh pile of corpses that makes me want to vomit...

The repetitive noise from their cries and howls...

...The worst feeling of helplessness in that situation...

What bothered me one time is a certain someone who distances herself whenever people grieve and mourn. Does want to avoid empathizing with their heartache and loss? No, that person is only alive when there is chaos. In her eyes, they died as they lived: meaningless. If I continue surviving, will I become like that too?

"No, there's no way I'd become like that. I refuse to become like that"

I keep muttering to myself while my limbs tremble in a fear different that I always choke me when I'm standing in the middle of chaos. I tried controlling the shaking of my hands, but even my will is wavering. As I sit somewhere peaceful and away from my comrades, I desperately tried to steady my breathing.

"What are you muttering under your breath? Did you suddenly get a weird hobby?"

Sheffield pokes my cheeks as her shadow looms over me, upset and mildly irritated. Even though I see her all the time, I rarely interact with her outside of battle. In fact, I don't actively socialize unless I'm being asked or if I have room for small talks.

"What's up with you? You don't look directly in other people's eyes and you lack confidence"

"I may have been active in battles recently due to the situation around Western Europe, but maybe I'm not ready for this. Royal Oak's gone, Victorious' gone, and so are the others..." I sink my face in both of my palms

"War sucks which we all know, but it's not enough reason to be a wimp all of a sudden. People will die because that's just the nature of it"

I'm not certain of that's her way of comforting me, but I don't think it's helpful the least. Sheffield sits near me, frowning at the sight of how weak willed I've become.

"Still, it doesn't mean it's an excuse to let people die or kill them" Sheffield scoffs

"I'm not as skillful or strong as the others. We're even called coffin ships..." I mutter to myself

"This isn't that war anymore. What if you did nothing in your past life? Even the Kriegsmarine's Queen of the North has been fighting alongside her sister Bismarck. You have differentiate how that life isn't this life!"

Sheffield pinches my left cheek, but she's unusually gentle that I couldn't feel the slightest pain from her two fingers squeezing and pulling my skin. She may be angry, but she's angry for my sake. I never thought she would be...caring?

"Rather than sulk and think that you're just useless, at least make effort in being useful. Sure, not all of us can just run to Abyssals and hit them like a truck but our uses doesn't lie there. We're shipgirls! We all fight our own way"

"...but I'm a battleship and I'm supposed to be in the front lines. Instead, I lack the speed to even catch up to others or the proper armaments"

"If you're that useless, then you would have died! Yet you're still here standing with all limbs intact"

"You think...I can actually do something for once?" I raise myself

"Hmph. You're useless if you think you're useless. How about start changing your mindset? Maybe if stop being a wimp, you'd see your strong points" Sheffield repeatedly pokes me

"I never imagined you're the caring type who'd shout at others to slap some confidence" I nervously laugh

"Seeing you sitting like that with your face to the ground is unbearable. Even Warspite would scold at you"

Thanks to Sheffield, I'm reminded of how I've been exhausted I am recently that I'm losing self esteem with each passing day.

"Thanks, I feel refreshed now"

I take a sharp sigh, thankful to the conversation that snapped me back to the waking world. It's like I've been half awake for the past week and forgot how I actually behave.

"Sorry you had to see me like that. I've been overwhelmed by fatigue lately" I jokingly laugh

"You actually went from zero to one hundred real quick" Sheffield wryly laughs

"It's the stress from lack of rest and sleep"

"R-Right..."

"No, I think it's because I have a lot in mind lately that I can't really free it all. I guess having someone to talk just lightened my mood"

"Good grief. You're like a child that sulks when upset" Sheffield shakes her head

I can't say for certain if that's just an excuse or that's what really happened. It doesn't look like physical exhaustion, just emotional one. People have either been angry or crying around me that it confused my emotions as well. I don't do well around people with strong emotions...or too energetic.

At least, this little test did confirm something...

One week later...

I've been summoned for a private conversation with the fleet leader Queen Elizabeth. When it comes to diplomacy or negotiations, it's usually Warspite who takes over. I guess it's because of her upbringing and education. Now if only the same can be said to that one who is like a dog rescued from a high kill shelter.

"It will be winter soon, which means a terrible weather for our aircraft and smaller visibility for us"

"...but strong blizzards won't set in at the early days of winter?" I raise an eyebrow

My legs are beginning to ache and quiver from this whole kneeling thing. It can't be helped I have to kneel on one knee with my fist pressed to the ground while Queen Elizabeth comfortably sits in her chair. If I stand right now, my legs would feel numb for about a few seconds due to the constricted blood flow.

"Sovereign, you haven't been yourself ever since you lost Royal Oak..." Her Majesty suddenly brings up that topic

"It wouldn't be different even if Royal Oak remained alive"

"Your strength doesn't lie in possessing raw firepower like other regular battleships. Battles occur outside of the open seas"

"Your majesty?"

"The Abyssals are poison, but humanity's poison is greater. It's why they were born in the first place"

(I want to say I don't understand a thing, but I'm afraid she would take it rudely)

"We secretly carried state of the art equipment to allies, we were still foiled by an unknown monstrosity. The ship was frozen and its hull was ripped open. That monster destroyed the equipment before disappearing into the thick blizzard"

I remembered that even though I wasn't there. To combat increasing submarine threats, the Royal navy sent equipment to other nations for further research, but a lone Abyssal destroyed our plans almost instantly. No one what it exactly looks like, but it's a monster clad in ice, making it less of a humanoid figure and more of an abomination.

"Allied fleet said they were disrupted by a blizzard as if it acted like a barrier. They were separated, but one of ours heard it speak"

"It spoke?" I swallowed my breath

"They weren't as secretive as they seem, specially the humans. If they were more certain and less cocky, I wouldn't have overheard their plans in broad daylight. I suppose I can just return as if nothing was amiss" Queen Elizabeth repeats the words in a controllably furious manner

"...?!"

"Suffolk and Repulse heard that monster confidently said to itself. Rather than echoing and distorted voice, Nelson believed she heard a familiar voice of a shipgirl or human"

"Your majesty, does this mean...it's one of us? That can't be right. Abyssals can blend in with humans"

"An unknown force is at work or the Abyssal had an unknown method of acquiring information. Whatever it is, something is amiss among our fleet and allies"

"Will my next mission be about this or something similar?"

"Two weeks from now, you will be sent to a Russian base near Sweden as part of the lend lease agreement. You will lose your name, but you will continue to serve the throne even as you fight under their flag"

"Is this like...spying? There may be complications if misunderstanding stirs"

The sore yet numb feeling on my legs suddenly vanishes at the thought of being thrown to a...complicated ally. No, the term is a rather uneasy one. When it comes to politics, it's going to be a different issue. More than anything, I despise politics since it's about old men cowering in the corner bickering about the flaw of others.

"Your task is to search for any possible leads about how this monster acquired information shared to shipgirls and high ranking officers involved in the mission"

"Is there a possibility the culprit is a shipgirl?" I nervously thought

"I'm not certain. We may be shipgirls, but we are still human. If that's the case, acquire as much information and dispose of the culprit"

"Yes, your majesty" I lower my head

An order is an order no matter how drastic or complicated it is. Since it's a direct order from Queen Elizabeth, I have no right to refuse or show hesitation. Truth to be told, I'm quite nervous becoming Russian and fighting for them. It's like being borrowed...like some sort of tool.

Nearly two weeks later...

I accept that it's a mission, but doubt stirs in my heart. No matter how much I shake it off, I keep having the thought that I'm being set aside and used that mission as an excuse. The Royal Navy can't afford to lend their finest battleships, so they decided to throw away their most obsolete ones instead.

"Why am I-"

Right before I could take a deep sigh or finish my words, my locked door was kicked open that the door knob is close to collapsing. I decided to sulk in my own room only for that peace to be disturbed without warning.

"There you are. You weren't answering the door"

Warspite's dog, Vanguard, nearly completely destroyed my door and she doesn't look like she regret it the least. In fact, she's upset that I kept her waiting and repulsed to see me sitting on the side of my bed with my head lowered.

"Out. Now" She angrily ordered

"Now, now, there's no need for that...or breaking that door" Warspite taps her shoulders

"..." Vanguard looks sway

"How about you wait aside while I privately speak with Sovereign"

"...Understood"

Vanguard reluctantly agrees not because of Warspite's orders...but because of her lack of trust to me. I'm surprised Warspite trained her well despite being dragged out close to execution. Despite the doorknob being broken, Warspite casually pushes her gentle hands while a disappointment Vanguard crosses her arms.

(Time to test it a bit, I suppose...)

Warspite has always been, taking not a single break. I'm guessing it's difficult on how she has to be in the front lines as a shipgirl yet still have time to do tedious jobs such as discussing with naval officials. The way she gently smiles without a single problem in the world is more worrying than comforting. Then there's Vanguard following her around everywhere she goes.

"You haven't been well ever since you lost Royal Oak" Warspite brings up that topic again

"Well, she was my sister ship..."

"It doesn't look like you're taking your temporary transfer well either"

"...I feel like I'm being thrown because of my lack of use"

"You may not be needed in the front lines now, but you're needed somewhere else. Direct fights aren't your forte since being a field work agent is where you're good at"

"I suppose..."

"I suggested investigating about how one Abyssal foiled not one mission but several others. When Queen Elizabeth learned of the lend-lease contract, she decided it's the perfect opportunity to send someone who can gather information"

"...Why me then?" I clenched my fists

"Someone who others wouldn't be instantly alarmed is the best choice. Vanguard is too serious to be sent" Warspite scratches her cheek

She has a point there. If the Royal navy sends someone like Vanguard, they might keep a close eye on her not because of her personality. I'm certain they would learn about Vanguard's terrible history with people of authority...which landed her near execution.

"I heard you were reluctant to join the Royal navy at first" Warspite reminds me of an unwanted experience

"I thought there shouldn't be a reason there other than tiny fairies popping into my house and clinging to me"

"Not all of us were excited at first. I was shocked that I couldn't immediately agree. As for Vanguard, she told the authorities to put a bullet between her head if they won't go with lethal injection. I went so much trouble to even get her out of the execution room"

"...I remembered Victorious saying she didn't hesitate when she learned of her existence as a shipgirl. She was always cheerful..." I lowered my head

"Why did you hesitate?"

"I was being dragged to war out of necessity and not will. That was the day Rodney broke my ribs by landing on me with her elbows first hitting my back"

There's no way I would forget the moment my face met the floor only to be followed by Rodney slamming a wrestling move on me. During that time, it was borderline kidnapping if the officers reminded her that it's still illegal to take me against my will.

"What made you agree?"

"I had no choice since this is an all out war in every corner of the world, but the more important reason is that I'm interested in the open seas. Well, compared to a certain someone, my reason is friendlier"

"Who exactly?" Warspite tilts her head in confusion

"...Just someone I met before"

"I see..."

I can't exactly say that someone is a shipgirl from another nation who saw the front lines as an opportunity rather than an honor to be a shipgirl. Of all the people out there, she is the last person I expected...but I can't keep an eye on her right now.


I've been having headaches that even medications are proving to have little effect on them. No, I suppose they're more of anxiety keeping me up at night. All I do is focus with my daily work that doesn't involve fighting Abyssals. As a "coffin ship", I have little use in large scale battles that even the Queen Elizabeth class outperforms my class.

"Good grief. This kind of work is too mundane like that dog following that woman around..."

Speaking of which, it reminds me of the Royal navy's last battleship, Vanguard. She's an eccentric one but not in a terrible way. It hasn't been long since she has entered service, but all she does is silently walk behind Warspite and does her bidding without question. Despite that, she's more than a capable fighter even with little experience. From my perspective, I'm guessing she's used to violence and chaos before. It's as if she knows conflict all too well...

"That dog isn't the weird one around here. The northern region is full of them"

I started detailing my experiences in a worn out diary gifted to me by Renown. Ever since this was given to me, I haven't put it into actual use until now. I'm not the type to freely express my feelings in blank pages, but I've been growing bored recently.

"Come to think of it, I've been sent here because of ulterior motives. They used lend lease as an excuse and tossed me here to observe the Russians..."

I softly whispered to myself, careful my voice won't echo a meter from my surroundings. If the wrong person coincidentally overhears those words, it would spark another argument between the two sides. I have no interest in politics and the likes, just my own interests.

"Why me of all people..."

Shortly after gently covering my diary in a fabric and stuffing it somewhere in my coat, I decided to stand up from the metallic bench freezing my behind with how people rarely sit on it due to the approaching snow.

"Speaking of which..."

Since I have nothing to do right now, my first thought is to return to my room and spend the rest of the day there complaining about my life. Luckily for me, I managed to cross paths with the unapproachable Queen of the North herself.

"She's less lively than her older sister"

It's because Bismarck is her sister, people tend to exaggerate her reputation and even believe she is as powerful as Bismarck. I can't confirm it myself since she's usually away on her own and only joins a fleet when ordered to do so.

"According to the record, the Kriegsmarine put her info good use by letting her participate in battles...but the records show she's not too happy with succeeding all the time. It's like she had grown bored and looking for something"

I compare my analysis of the official records between and my impression on her. Her icy blue eyes amplified by her pale skin doesn't hide the fact that she's emotionally yearning to possibly fill that boredom. Even I'm not certain whether she's now satisfied with battles, or she simply doesn't know what she enjoys.

"Oh, aren't you the one from the Royal navy? We never really got to formally meet before even after fighting alongside each other" Tirpitz turns her attention towards me

Tirpitz keeps turning her head left and right until she notices my presence behind her. I've been standing for a whole minute that even someone like her couldn't ignore that obvious. I'm guessing she's thinking I'm some strange newcomer standing at one side and staring at her for no reason.

"I'm still not Arkhangelsk officially, but you can call me by that name. We don't always meet, but it's been a while, Tirpitz" I raise my hand and gestures a handshake

"Last time I saw you was a month ago. I was with my sister back then" Tirpitz nods her head and shakes my hand

"There's something I couldn't help but notice" Those words accidentally slip from my mouth

"The other day, we were on a normal sortie together where our fleet easily sunk a wandering Abyssal fleet"

"Oh, that. What about it?"

From a single glance, I can already tell she hardly recalls a recent memory. Perhaps it's another trivial moment that she felt she had no need to keep it in her mind. It's normal for people to forget some moments in life, namely mundane routines we all do everyday like eating breakfast or going for a walk.

"I noticed you sighed not in relief but in disappointment. You were unhappy that the others are cheering?" I nervously laugh

"...Was it too obvious?" She place her left hand on her chin and tilts her head

"Huh...?"

"I don't really have much particular interest in fighting while the others keep looking forward to it. To me, what matters isn't the beginning but the end"

"The end?"

"They would say how one must have a steady mind to win battles, but is willpower alone enough? I've come to realize how the world is a matter of survival. Others will die before you, but you will keep marching on until someone else more fitting tramples on you"

For some reason, Tirpitz starts speaking grim thoughts. Her view to her surroundings is slightly alarming and completely unexpected of her. I honestly expected her as someone who simply wishes for the company of others but doesn't know how to socialize due to constantly focusing on everyday missions.

"Truth to be told, I'm only interested in what fate the world would choose. I want to see it if such stubbornness will allow willpower alone to bring them to their desired end"

"I like you to explain your intentions more clearly" I groan

"The world lacks meaning, but I'm free to choose how I would experience it. That just happens to lie in this war"

Someone who doesn't always engage in meaningful conversations have this much thought tucked away in the deepest corners of her minds for so long. It's as if I'm talking to an entirely different Tirpitz compared to the first time I met her?

"The world lacks worth, but it doesn't have to be mundane. Humans like us seeks meaning in a world without innate meaning, making it all more worthless...but that's why I openly accepted it. We are all just a speck of dust in this every stretching reality" Tirpitz solemnly smiles

"It's like you've given up rather than go crazy. I'm thankful you didn't lose a screw or two, but it's still sad..."

"Arkhangelsk, there are things we cannot control. I learned to accept that and it lessened my worries to the point that I didn't mind people dying in front of me..."

"Before going here, I did meet Bismarck. Just like she said, you really did change...after Victorious died in front of your eyes..."

"..."

Usually, other people would react strongly by either being defensive or furious, but Tirpitz has little to no reaction. She shifts her gaze somewhere else while a small of hint of grief remains in her eyes. This shouldn't come as a surprise because she lost the only person she called a friend. The shock must have been so great that it inverted even he morality.

"I'm not really a therapist, so I don't have anything to suggest on how to cope losing your only friend" I exhale

"My pursuit is the freedom to experience this life even if it would lead to my own death. After all, it's walking down and looking around you in order to realize it's quite enjoyable even if you walk with no purpose and would fall into a certain dead end"

"..." All I could is blink my eyes

"To put it simply, it's looking around you more than what ahead of you like walking in a peaceful scenery. For instance, you walk down a quiet road and realize how peaceful it is and how beautiful the flower field is. Except that flower field turned out to be a battlefield..."

It's like she has been going around wondering about her own life and why she's even alive. Well, I heard she was out of commission for a whole month after Victorious sank due to the physical injuries and mental scars. No wonder Bismarck is so worried about her since she went for a nihilistic stance...

"We've been talking for quite a while that I nearly forgot I have somewhere else to be" Tirpitz jolted

"W-wha..."

"I'll have to cut our little chat here"

"Sure..."

Tirpitz runs off in a hurry somewhere I don't know nor I even want to know. What's supposed to be a normal conversation turns out to be a realization for me. Her world went upside down and all Bismarck did is feel sorry she ended up that way. I now know why this Tirpitz has surrendered yet lavishes in her so-called newfound freedom.

"I wonder if I should keep an eye on her. Sooner or later, she will turn against even on her own sister if she feels like it would be more exciting. After all, what Tirpitz cares about now is living without being bound my morality and accepting how resisting fate is futile"

I'm openly worried that she may become a potential threat in the future even if she's part of the Kriegsmarine while I'm technically still part of the Royal navy. Tirpitz is living a life without need for regrets nor consideration. That kind of person is dangerous, but she hasn't been hostile to everyone even after losing Victorious.

"People have different reactions to losing their closest friends. Most people become depressed, but she turned into a nutjob exhilarated in explosions and desperate cries..."

Since she's part of the Kriegsmarine, Tirpitz is the least of my problems right now. My mission is to find out about the source of the unknown Abyssals who randomly appears around the North Atlantic for some reason. There has to be a clue that will tie that thing to all these events.

Two weeks later...

I couldn't get any useful information about the Abyssal except for the encounter two days ago. To think she would appear herself and freeze my left arm solid with just a single touch.

"Come to think of it..."

I dig right into my memories, thankful that it's only a recent memory. During the normal sortie, she appeared as if she was searching for something. Like previous recorded appearances, a strong blizzard engulfed a large area shortly before she becomes visible. Shipgirls like me can barely see anything with the snow slapping my face and can barely move with the cold tying us down...but she can freely move in the blizzard clearly caused by her.

That's a nice expression you got there. Despite the difficulties, you remained standing

You refused to be pushed down even by the likes of a coward admiral

The fact that you lasted this long despite your worthlessness is quite amusing

You stuck by your principles and values and even persisted at the poison around you

No matter how ridiculous it is, you stood with that will alone, believing there's always a choice

The Abyssal grabbed my left arm and slowly freezes it to the point that I felt like she can snap it with a twig. I'm not certain if she froze my flesh to its very cells, but I was too scared to even move. The monster straight right into my eyes, her bright red eyes intimidating me. Not to mention, she freely laughs and mocks me knowing she can kill me with her bare hands.

Just like Bismarck, you firmly stood by your principles. The only difference is that I personally hate her

She personally hates Bismarck, but she isn't actively getting in her way. It doesn't look like she's bound to the north, so I believe she has other goals as of the moment. Back then, I wondered why she allowed me live? A little more and my arm would have frozen to the point it would shatter like glass in an effortless squeeze.

"Just what in the world is going on? It's not making any sense!" I strike the wall with my fist

"What's not making any sense?" Gangut flicked the back of my head

"Gangut?"

"Are you complaining about your training again?"

"It's not that. It's that Abyssal two days ago, the one who brought the insane blizzard"

"That ice monster thingy? I remembered trying to get away from the blizzard only to see her pop out of nowhere. How the hell did she appear out of nowhere anyway?"

Gangut pouts in frustration and possibly fuming in anger. She already told me how the Abyssal appeared a few meters to her left side and effortlessly vanished into the blizzard.

"The moment we felt snow slapped to our face, I realized we're about to be in big trouble"

"I can tell by your obviously annoyed yet shocked face-"

I placed my hand on my mouth the moment I realized something. Perhaps this is a clue to how can the Abyssal can move ahead of us no matter how much we increase the secrecy.

"The blizzard has an explanation to it. We couldn't find a connection because we all think it's some unknown force when it's not even natural or supernatural" I muttered to myself

"Arkhangelsk?"

"Let's talk later. I have to confirm something"

"Okay..."

I hurriedly left the scene even if Gangut is confused with my sudden reaction and immediately sprinting away. It may look like I was struck by lightning of rock, but it's a sudden realization.

"We're being played all this time...!" I hurriedly turned to a corridor

"What else would it be?"

"Who-"

A voice forced me to stop in my tracks and turn away as soon as a carefree mixed with deadliness sends a chill down to my spine. I turned my head to recognize the possible culprit, but I vomited blood as soon as I can clearly a pale white figure with a trench coat and wearing shorts.

"Huh. My internal organs...were crushed..." I collapsed to the floor

I couldn't see how it was done, but I clearly felt my internal organs instantly bring crushed...only after I vomited blood. There's no pain, so I couldn't immediately realize I was already attacked.

"You're...not an Abyssal..." I couldn't push myself up

"Of course not. I mean this moment is just..."

Before the Abyssals that somehow infiltrated the base could finish her sentence, my senses are slowly fading away. I desperately keep my eyes open, but the mortal injury is forcing my consciousness to finally slip away.

Damn it...

My end would be in such a cliche and sudden way than I'm frustrated even while I lie in this rough and cold concrete ground while blood continue to spill from my mouth. I feel so cold but too sleepy for me to care about. This must be what it means to experience death, huh...

Enough games and detours, you fool...

A voice angrily spoke to someone who certainly isn't me. I don't think I should care because the last of my strength is slipping away. Right now, I just want to rest and...

"Hmm?"

An unknown moment slips away from my mind like having a task only to forget it as soon as you walk into a room. I blink my eyes in confusion, unsure of what's happening...but nothing is amiss.

"Was I about to say something?" I scratch my head

"Beats me. I have this weird deja Vu. I felt like I walked away from here and found myself in this spot again" Gangut is as confused as me

"I think I spaced out and suddenly imagined a bizarre scenario"

"I felt like I just woke up from a hangover" Gangut massages her head

"Damn it. I forgot what I'm supposed to say"

"Let's go grab a drink. Maybe it'll jog your memory"

"...Sure"

I would usually decline since Gangut likes strong alcohol, but I'm too baffled and dumbfounded to think of refusing right now. Before I could change my mind, Gangut wraps her arm around my head and drags my helpless body away from the spot where we suddenly both have a deja Vu.