Fantastic Beasts | 147. Pogrebin | [scenario] depression
365 | 329. [plot point] a betrayal
Scavenger Hunt | 60. Write about a scene from your favourite book from another character's POV
Jet Plane | 55. Seattle | [emotion] love

Spring Seasonal
Days of the Year | April 1st - Tell a Lie Day | Write about someone being caught in a lie
Hufflepuff Challenge | 21. Thunderclouds | Write about a betrayal

May Writing Club
Record Collection | 10. Right Here | Write about someone feeling insecure
Loft | 5. [plot point] discovering a buried secret
Angel's Archive | 16. Scabbers | [theme] betrayal
Film Festival | 9. [action] avoiding something
The Forecast Says | 22nd: Sunny with clouds | Dejected
World Tour | 13. Marie Curie | Write about someone discovering something

Monthlies & Fortnightlies
Geek Pride | 59. Pokemon | b. [plot point] collecting something
Live by the Salad | 6. Red Onion | [genre] angst
Friends of Narnia | 5. The Professor | Write a story with flashbacks

WC: 796


o . o . o


blindsided, addicted

"I'm not blind. I watched you take the notes off the bodies. I thought you'd rip them up. But when you didn't-I suppose I wanted to see what you were going to do. Burn them, throw them away, send them back dipped in Silver blood-but not keep them. Not read them while I slept next to you."

In my sleep, my arm sweeps out, probably motioning to throw fire in my dreams, and dimly the coolness of the sleeper beside me registers, pulling me from my sleep. I should have come in contact with Mare's body, but she isn't there. I blink open, looking around, but the room is so dark. I almost call up a ball of fire in my palm, but then I see her - just a shadow crouched in the corner of the room.

I shift slightly, propping myself up on one elbow, and Mare is so absorbed in whatever is in her hands that she doesn't hear me at all. But all it takes is a slight shift in her posture and suddenly I can see what's in her hand. I expected - or maybe hoped - that it would be some small trinket of her family, something to remind her of them, or maybe even Kilorn. But that's not what she holds. Instead, her fingers clutch a small, well-worn piece of paper. I can't see the writing from across the room, but I don't need to. I know what it is. One of Maven's notes.

I sink back onto the bed, not wanting to see this anymore. The sleeper creaks slightly when I roll to my other side, facing the wall instead now, and I'm sure Mare heard it. But it doesn't matter, she'll just assume that I'm fidgeting in my sleep. I do it enough, and I know it wakes her sometimes. Maybe she'll even give me a sad or pitying look before she turns back to the note she holds.

Despite all our arguments, everything we've done to each other, I think this is what truly breaks my heart.

Before everything changed - before the world flipped - I sometimes wondered if Mare preferred Maven to me. We are - were - so different. I thought… there were moments of pure electricity, when I felt drawn to Mare like a magnet, unable to resist her. Like the kiss during our dancing lessons. I thought she must feel it too, and she seemed to. But when I watched Maven protect her in public the way I could not, and the way she smiled for him and talked to him… I couldn't help but wonder if maybe he'd won her in a more lasting way. And when he kissed her on the boat… I thought I'd lost then.

More than once since the Bowl of Bones, I wondered if she only clung to me out of habit or desperation. Maybe in a way I was the person she came closest to trusting, if only because she knew I had nowhere else to turn. I couldn't betray her because there was no one else for me to go to. It didn't matter that I wouldn't betray her. That didn't factor into her calculations.

But now I wonder something else. Perhaps the only reason she stays with me is because I'm the closest she can get to Maven. When I kiss her, does she wish it were Maven? When I touch her, does she imagine his hands instead of mine? When I sleep next to her, does she dream that it is Maven's body wrapped around her instead of mine? The thought stings like a sharp nettle in my heart.

Beside me, the sleeper dips and I feel Mare slip back in. Part of me wants to turn towards her and wrap her in my arms, hold her tight. I don't want to let her go, I don't want to lose her. But maybe I never had her at all.

I feel her arm reach around my waist, pulling her flush against my back. Her touch burns and I almost recoil from it. But even now, I crave it all the same. Despite the hurt she's inflicted on me, I keep coming back for more. I just can't stop myself. I place my hand over hers, lacing our fingers together.

"Cal," she whispers, breathing my name out in a sigh.

It should be comforting to hear her speak my name instead of his, but somehow it's an even sharper dagger. I can't tell if the tone in her voice is wistful or relieved. I think not knowing might be worse than any answer.

I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping to block out these thoughts and fall back asleep. I'd rather face the haunting nightmares than this hurt.