"Do you have feelings for Ben?"

There is no judgment in Grandma Marlena's voice—there never is. It makes it easy to talk to her, yet hard at the same time.

"I don't know. I don't think so." Marlena raises one brow. "Maybe?"

Does she have feelings for Ben? Plenty, really. She feels indescribably sad for him. Her heart breaks for him. But her heart was already broken. By Charlie, a little. By Tripp, somewhat. By Ciara, too. She misses Ciara something fierce. But she's also…relieved that she's gone. Ciara is a constant reminder of how much she screwed up.

"I just feel so sad for him. I wish I could take his hurt away."

"But that's not your job, Claire."

"I know, grandma. It's Ciara's."

Marlena shakes her head. "Not Ciara's either. It's Ben's job. He has to learn to heal himself, to be self-reliant. I'm worried that he might turn to you for the wrong reasons."

Claire scoffs. "Of course, he'd turn to me for the wrong reasons. All the boys do."

All of a sudden, she gets so angry that she could punch something. Or someone. Throw things, smash them.

Light a fire.

Cut herself.

Her eyes dart to her wrist. Still covered. She looks back up quickly but too late. Grandma has caught it all. Grandma can't be fooled.

"Are you OK, Claire?"

"I'm fine," she answers too quickly. "I'm just confused is all."

It's not exactly a lie. She is incredibly confused. She couldn't even say why she kissed him. She doesn't even know if this kiss was about Ben or about herself. About this needy part of her that won't go away.

Maybe she should. Leaving would be easy. After all, what really keeps her here? Her parents? Most of the time, it's like she doesn't exist. And they have enough to deal with now that Jan is back in town.

Life was oddly much easier when she was at the hospital. No decisions to make. Take these pills. Eat now. Group session in fifteen minutes. Lights out by ten.

"Maybe you should keep your distance from Ben for a while."

'But he needs me,' she wants to say but doesn't. Ben doesn't need her, she's just conveniently there. "Maybe you're right."

And as she tries to fall asleep that night, she keeps repeating it to herself, "Ben doesn't need me. I'm just convenient."

So, why does she still feel how soft his lips were?