"I just can't believe it."

Guy lay on top of the covers, throwing a hockey puck back and forth between his hands as he stared up at the ceiling.

.

Connie had made her choice following his ultimatum.

And it wasn't the one he'd hoped for.

.

"You did the right thing, dude."

"Yeah. And she's gone."

"She's gone with Thad." Adam reminded him, sitting at his desk as he tried to figure out that afternoon's math homework. "I give it a week. Two weeks if he goes out of town with his parents this weekend."

"He just got his dad's 4Runner."

"Yeah." Adam deadpanned, attempting to balance a pencil across his nose as they talked. "I'm sure we'll be seeing him on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous any day now."

"Coming from the guy with a Porsche."

"And look how popular I am."

Damnit, dude.

Looking across the room, it took everything Guy had not to scream "YOU ARE POPULAR, DUMBASS. YOU ARE WAY MORE POPULAR THAN ANY OF THE REST OF US, AND IT SHOWS."

.

He knew that Adam meant well, of course.

Adam always meant well.

It was just that he could be frustratingly oblivious to his own social standing: A trait that might have been endearing for Julie, but that for those who could benefit from his help, meant that he was forever standing at the side of the pool with a life preserver, chatting about the sunset with Larson and Crawford while his friends drowned.

.

"Whatever."

"Seriously dude. It's Thad." Adam rolled his eyes. "He's like, not even a bad guy. He'll treat her well, and probably take her to TGI Fridays or something. And then after a few days, she'll realize that getting drunk in Cancun really is the most exciting thing he's ever done in his life, and that the story only gets lamer the twelfth time he tells it. So she'll break up with him."

Guy chewed at the side of his lip, thinking about that prediction as he traced the edges of the hockey puck with his fingers.

.

It was easy for Adam to say.

In Adam's world, people like Thad were safety friends; the kinds of guys you talked to in class if nobody better was around.

Thads were never a threat, because nobody was ever going to leave Adam for a guy who was 15 lbs. overweight and shopped at American Eagle.

"You sound awfully sure about that..."

"I am sure about that." Adam reminded him. "Have you ever seen a girl stay with him for any amount of time?"

"Didn't he go out with Paige Mallick for like, three months?"

"Paige Mallick collects Beanie Babies. Those two were a good match."

"She seems like a nice girl." Guy nodded, thinking back to the time Paige let him copy her homework for health class the year before.

Of course, I only made a 78 on it...

"Well yeah. Thad's a nice guy. But he's like, God's answer to 'What would happen if I made this can of Bud Light into a person?'."

"That's oddly descriptive."

"It's true." Adam shrugged, reaching for a pencil sharpener as he continued to stare at his textbook in vain. "Dude like...exists. I mean, Crawford's neurotic as hell. Hunter is an asshole. John Mark can actually be legitimately smart sometimes. But Thad? Thad just is. No matter how many times you hang out with him, there is no deeper level. His entire personality consists of wishing his parents would give him an extra $20 a week in allowance."

"The way he chain smokes? He needs it."

"Well, yeah."

"I don't know...

Guy leaned back against his headboard.

It didn't matter.

Adam was right, but it didn't matter. It didn't matter how mediocre Thad was, because Connie was going out with him. His crush since the fourth grade was now going out with a guy who's dad came to career day and talked about what it's like to be a commercial loan officer.

Thad hadn't even been embarrassed. He was genuinely proud to have a dad who was such a visionary.

And, to be fair, Guy couldn't really blame him: Mr. Coker's job came with box seats to all of the Twins games. Mr. Germaine's last job came with a name tag and a hat shaped like a hotdog.

...

"So what would you do if Julie left you for like, Prince William?"

"I'd remind her that he probably sucks at hockey."

"You're useless."

"If Julie leaves me for Prince William, we're all screwed." Adam reminded him. "No way any of the girls around here are going to settle for us once he starts bringing his royal friends around."

"Good point. No way Thad's competing with that."

"Seriously dude." Adam shook his head. "You're going to be fine."

"And what happens if Prince William moves here?"

"We'll transfer to Shattuck."