Author's Notes: Adventures of Supergirl is part of the "Adventures" series that includes Midvale, Adventures of Batwoman, Adventures of Alex Danvers, the AU Supergirl Returns, and the AU Krypton.

Rated I for Immature

For depicting violence, sexuality, profanity, mature themes, psychology, woke triggers, politics, religion, and current events in the most irresponsible way possible.


On the doomed planet of Krypton, a lone spaceship was prepared for Kara Zor-El, the cousin of Earth's most destructive hero. "Your pod's coordinates are interlocked with that of Kal-El," her father said.

"I don't understand a word you're telling me," Kara said confused.

"Just follow Kal-El to Earth," her father said impatiently.

"The trip is long, but you'll sleep most of the way. We will both be with you in your dreams," her mother told her.

"Wait, you're not going with me?" Kara asked surprised.

"We've been over this a thousand times, Kara," her mother said frustrated. "Look after your baby cousin Kal-El. You will have great powers on this planet."

"So, I have to be a babysitter for Kal-El. That sucks!" Kara said obnoxiously.

"I love you, Kara. Now, you must go," her mother said urgently as the planet was about to explode.

"Where am I going?" Kara wondered.

"Just get your ass in that pod," her father said losing patience.

"Fine," Kara said as she got in the pod.

The pod lifted off the planet just as its surface was exploding. "I'm more worried for her than Kal-El," her mother said.

"That's why I changed the calculation, so she would arrive later than him," her father rolled his eyes.

The planet Krypton then exploded leaving behind a baby brat and a dumb blond as its legacy.


Adventures of Supergirl


Many years later, Kara's pod crashed on planet Earth. She was immediately discovered by Superman. "Statistically speaking, flying is still the safest way to travel," he told her.

"Seriously?" Kara replied.

"Since you landed on American soil that makes you an American!" Superman told her.

"Great. What's an American?" Kara wondered.

Superman didn't bother to answer her but took her to a middle-aged couple, the Danvers. Kara gave them stupefied looks as Superman explained the situation. Then Superman took off leaving the fourteen-year-old Kara to them.

"We know we can never replace your parents," Eliza assured her.

"Oh, I wished you would," Kara said hopefully.

"Welcome to Earth, Kara," Jeremiah said warmly.

"Wow, you really got fat. I mean…damn," Kara said to him.

"What did you say to me, you little shit!" Jeremiah said outraged.

"Now, now, Jeremiah, she could kill us all," Eliza calmed him down.

Unbeknownst to Kara, Alex Danvers stared at her out her window. "Oh my God! She's so hawt," Alex said to herself.


Years later, Kara casually strolled through the side of Metropolis not completely destroyed by her cousin's fight with Zod. She was wearing a grey long sleeve shirt and pink skirt that completely clashed. Fortunately, Kara didn't give a fuck about fashion even as she worked at a gossip magazine. Entering the CATCO building, Kara greeted a number of her co-workers.

"There was an armed car robbery last night. There were no witnesses except this homeless guy that says the guy had horns," Winn Schott told her.

"Wicked," Kara smiled.

"I'm telling you aliens are among us," he said excitedly.

"No shit?" Kara wondered.

"Hey, I was wondering if you'd like to see a movie tonight?" Winn said awkwardly.

"Like a date?" Kara asked curiously.

"I suppose," Winn allowed.

"I thought you were gay," Kara said confused.

"That's an office rumor. I'm not gay," Winn insisted.

"Winn, you're so deep in the friend zone," Kara informed him.

"How do I get out of the friend zone?" Winn asked lamely.

"The fact that you had to ask," Kara shook her head.

"What do you want from me?" Winn begged while on his knees.

Kara ignored Winn and focused on her boss' voice from the elevator. "You all smell like shit!" Cat informed all the occupants of the elevator and then stormed out when the doors opened.

"She's here," Kara smirked.

Cat Grant entered the floor and immediately started complaining. "The only reason I bought this building was for its private elevator," she said.

"Did you look over the construction plans?" Kara asked condescendingly.

"I don't have time for that. I'm tired of other people's mouths smelling like weed and hooker spit," she raged.

"I'll get them a Sam Adams," Kara said helpfully as they entered Cat's office.

"Well, aren't you funny?" Cat snapped at her. "Where's my coffee?"

"Yeah…I don't do that," Kara reminded her.

"Why do I keep you around?" Cat growled.

"Because I'm an alien related to Superman, and I can give you information on the competition no one else can," Kara said obviously.

"Right," Cat acknowledged. "Can you prepare termination letters?"

"Too easy," Kara replied.

"And can you get the art director here with his layouts?" Cat asked her.

"I suppose," Kara sighed and left the office.


Kara strolled into the art department and found a black man busy at a table. "Hello. Miss Grant wants that layout."

"Tell her I'll be there in a minute," the black man told her.

"Have you met Miss Grant?" Kara asked amused. "She doesn't like to wait."

"Well, fortunately, I don't give a shit," the black man replied. "She going to fire me right after hiring me?" he asked rhetorically.

"Yeah," Kara said flatly

The black man then turned around and Kara was stunned by his beautiful face and physique. "You're one attractive secretary. How about we go back to my place for some buffalo wings and sex," he suggested.

Kara simply stared at him with her mouth wide open. "Was I too forward? I'm James Olsen," he said.

"I don't care who you are," Kara said completely aroused by him. "Wait, I thought it was Jimmy."

"Only the big guy calls me that. He's an asshole," James told her.

"You think so too?" Kara asked.

"You know him?" James questioned.

"Oh, he's my cousin," Kara blurted out.

"Oh, so you're an alien too? How come you're not out there flying around and saving people?" James asked.

"Cuz I don't want to," Kara winced. "Also, have you seen what my cousin has done to this city?"

"Good point," James allowed. "I see the resemblance. You both look like nerds when you wear glasses."

"Oh really?" Kara said flirtingly and took them off.

"Beautiful," James complimented.

The two immediately made out in the art room for a good hour.


After work, Alex came over to see her sister's crummy apartment. "What's the emergency? I have a plane to catch to Geneva, Switzerland in two hours," she said annoyed.

"I need help…knowing what to wear," Kara said awkwardly.

Alex stared at Kara wondering if she was serious. "For what?"

"A date," Kara revealed.

"You date now? Isn't that like bestiality?" Alex questioned.

"Hey, if my cousin can be with that cow I can get some action too, right?" Kara told her.

"I guess," Alex said not overly thrilled Kara was dating. "Just wear blue or red like your cousin does," she suggested.

"Very funny," Kara scoffed.

"Men don't give a shit what you wear," Alex told her.

"That's not what my magazine says," Kara refuted.

"That rag? Why do you work there?" Alex asked confused.

"To make a difference," Kara said seriously.

Alex rolled her eyes. "If you really want to make a difference, you'll get off your ass and pick red or blue, so I can make a difference in Geneva."

Kara picked the red one. "Blue it is," Alex said giving her the shirt. "Text me if he's an asshole. I'll make him disappear."


Kara and James hung out at a bar and were having a good time mocking other people around them. "So, where are you from originally?" James asked.

"Krypton," Kara replied.

"Well…no shit. I mean, on Earth," James clarified.

"With the Danvers," Kara replied.

"You have to be fucking with me. That's your last name," James pointed out.

"Truth be told, I didn't really go to school or…," Kara said embarrassed.

"You don't know your own address?" James asked skeptically.

"Hey, don't judge," Kara said displeased. "How does my outfit look?"

"I don't give a shit. I prefer you not wear anything at all," James said honestly.

"Oh, behave," Kara said as she took another shot.

"Breaking News: a 237 aircraft bound to Geneva is royally fucked," an anchorman said on a TV behind them.

"You going to do anything about that?" James asked.

"Err…no. That's what my cousin is good for. He'll save the plane for sure," Kara said.

"What if he doesn't?" James asked casually.

"Well, it's not like there's anyone on the plane I know," Kara said and then paused. "Oh shit!" she realized.

"What's up?" James wondered.

"My adopted sister is on that plane?" Kara realized.

"Is she hot?" James asked drunkenly.

"You're drunk," Kara smiled accusingly.

"So are you," James pointed out.

"It's against the law to fly drunk," Kara reminded him.

"Fuck the law," James replied seriously.

Kara and James passionately kissed and then Kara tore out of the club.


Throwing her jacket aside, Kara launched herself into the air and flew towards the plane. Finding the engines that were on fire, Kara blew frost breath on them. The engine fire was immediately put out. "Yes!" Kara said excitedly.

The engines then cracked off and fell towards the city. "Oh fuck," Kara realized as the engines fell towards populated areas.

Kara then went for a wing and tried to slow it down. The wing suddenly tore off sending the aircraft into a spin. "Really?" Kara asked herself.

The aircraft headed towards a heavily trafficked bridge. Kara flew towards the aircraft and attempted to pull it up. The aircraft's other wing sliced into the bridge tossing cars as it did. The wing-less plane then descended towards the bay. Kara attempted to slow the aircraft down as it landed in the water.

Kara then ripped the door open and stared at the passengers inside. She saw her sister giving her a wide-eyed look of recognition. "Well, folks, statistically speaking..." Kara began panting from effort. She then forgot the rest of the quote.

"Well…fuck it," she finished and flew off.


That night, Kara watched the news in gleeful anticipation. "This…Supergirl came in like a wrecking ball costing the city millions in property damage," the anchorwoman said.

"You know what…youuuuu…can go fuck yourself," the still tipsy Kara told the TV.

Alex came in unannounced. "I can't believe you just did that."

"I know, right. I saved your ASS!" Kara said and then started giggling.

"Are you drunk?" Alex accused.

"Yeah. You going to arrest me?" Kara asked skeptically.

"You exposed yourself," Alex told her.

"Hey, I kept my shirt on this time," Kara disagreed.

"That's not what I meant. You're exposed to the world now. You're out there for all to see," Alex said pointing to the TV.

"Yeah, I really should look out for the threatening Mr. who doesn't exist," Kara said sarcastically.

"Even Superman has enemies that can kick his ass. Even Batman kicked his ass. Besides, even if you're invulnerable, what about mom and dad? What about me?" Alex asked.

"I'll keep my identity a secret," Kara said seriously.

"How?" Alex asked.

"These glasses," Kara said of her eyeglasses and then started giggling.

"Fuck you," Alex shook her head.

"I'm not apologizing," Kara said stubbornly.

"You cannot do that again," Alex said seriously.

"You know what? I'm going to (burp) sleep on it," Kara told her and then passed out in front of her.

"Typical," Alex muttered.


Kara entered the office hungover but ready to work. All of her co-workers were staring at the TV monitors about Supergirl. "How are we supposed to take her seriously without a cape?" Winn asked.

"Capes are stupid. That's how you get caught in the engine's intake," Kara said dismissively.

"Kara! My office!" Cat shouted.

Kara sighed and entered her boss' office. She waited for the doors to close. "I want an exclusive with Supergirl."

"Why is it Supergirl? I'm in my twenties. Technically, I'm older than Superman. This is sexist," Kara protested.

"No one gives a shit. You could pass for a girl scout," Cat pointed out. "I want pictures. I want video," Cat demanded.

"With or without clothes?" Kara asked sarcastically.

"Don't get smart with me," Cat threatened. "I want you to tell me everything you can about yourself and you are to tell no one else."

"I want a raise," Kara said flatly.

"No," Cat replied.


Kara went to work on creating her new Supergirl outfit. Once she was complete, she went out to fight crime. During a car chase, she slammed into the blacktop creating a crater on impact. The chased car was demolished as it hit her.

"Damn it. I have to make new boots now," she muttered.

Later, she intervened in a bank robbery against armed thugs. They fired machine guns at her but the bullets bounced off. They did, however, blast holes in her suit revealing her upper torso. Kara defeated the bank robbers but sheepishly took off as the cops arrived.

Using another suit, she went to fight a large fire. Suddenly, green darts hit her. "I feel dizzy," she said as she fell on top of a car. Government agents quickly apprehended her.

Kara awoke to find herself restrained. "Low-grade kryptonite," Hank Henshaw informed her.

"I'll sleep with you," Kara immediately blurted out.

"I'm not into dumb blonds," he replied. "I'm Hank Henshaw and I think you already know Agent Danvers."

"I'm not an agent," Kara said confused.

"He means me, you idiot," Alex revealed.

"You're a secret agent? Like X-files?" Kara asked wide-eyed.

Alex sighed and rolled her eyes. "She doesn't need these," she said as she released Kara.

"Welcome to the DEO. The DEO protects the world from the extra-terrestrial presence," Hank said.

"Like the Men-in-Black?" Kara wondered.

"Exactly," Hank agreed.

Hank showed Kara her ship. "We still have your ship as a reminder that everything went to hell as soon as you got here."

"Me?" Kara asked innocently.

"Basically, your ship pulled a prison ship filled with Kryptonian criminals from the Phantom Zone into our space. You fucked us over," Hank accused.

"I didn't mean to," Kara said embarrassed.

"Yeah, well, the ship crashed and all the criminals escaped," Hank said.

"Alright. I'll help you kill them all," Kara said confidently.

Hank scoffed. "You couldn't even stop us from capturing you."

"Yeah, because you used the one and only thing that can stop me," Kara said dismissively.

"Your cousin has this lame-ass rule that he won't kill anyone. Are you a killer?" Hank asked.

"Hell yeah," Kara replied enthusiastically

"She's on the team," Hank smiled.

"What? I thought the plan was to tell her to stop doing these kinds of things," Alex protested.

"That was before I realized she could solve all our problems. She gets the job done while keeping Superman's hands nice and clean," Hank said.

"Wait, was she recruited by you guys because she's my sister?" Kara asked.

"Yeah, so?" Hank asked bluntly.

"You were spying on me?" Kara asked hurt and offended.

"Oh, she was doing more than just spying if you know what I mean," Hank smiled.

"Not another word, Hank," Alex warned.

Kara noticed ringing in her ear. "Meet me at the Metropolis electrical plant," the male alien said to her.

"Was that you guys?" Kara asked confused.

"What are you talking about?" Alex sighed.

"Someone wants me to go to an electrical plant. It doesn't sound human," Kara said.

Hank activated a map showing where the plant was located. "A lot of innocent people are going to die unless you come down here and fight me to prove you're not a coward," the male alien voice continued.

"He's calling me out," Kara said to them. "Permission to kill him?"

"Permission granted," Hank smiled.


Kara flew towards the electrical plant and landed in the middle of the structure. Kara looked around and found it difficult to see through the lead structures. "Clever using lead," Kara nodded.

"Lead makes it difficult for you to see through?" Vartox wondered.

"Oh…shit," Kara muttered. "Hey, I can still hear your heartbeat."

The male alien leaped behind her and punched her hard to the shoulder. Kara didn't even flinch. "I heard that too," she said mockingly.

Kara punched Vartox through concrete blocks. Before he could get back up, Kara bitch-slapped him into a structure. Kara flew into the large hole she made. As soon as she did, Vartox tried to punch at her. Kara grabbed him and threw him out of the structure where he landed on large factory pipes. Kara casually flew over to him.

"Had enough?" she mocked.

A Black Hawk helicopter arrived to witness the battle. Vartox took his ax and threw it at the helicopter-like a boomerang. The ax sliced through the helicopter and came back to him. Kara watched stunned as the helicopter was about to crash.

Kara raced over the helicopter and gently placed it on the ground. Vartox leaped away into the distance. Kara noticed that Alex was one of the passengers. "I totally had him," Kara said annoyed.


Kara and Alex came back to the DEO. "You could have killed him," Hank lectured.

"I was saving your people who shouldn't have even been there," Kara said.

"You could have killed him in one punch, but you kept the fight going. This isn't a game," Hank told her. "Are you a killer or not?"

"I am, Sir," Kara replied. "But how can I find him now?"

"Well, fortunately, the dumb ass has a nuclear-tipped ax that we can trace with our satellites. We know exactly where he's at," Hank said.


Kara landed right in front of the trucker alien completely destroying his engine block and throwing him out the window upon impact. Kara walked away from the truck as it exploded. Too cool to look back, she walked towards Vartox with the explosion at her back. Vartox took hold of his ax and charged Kara with it.

Kara waited for Vartox to get close enough and then punched right through his chest and out the other side. Vartox dropped his ax and fell to the ground in a heap.

"Holy shit," Hank said pleased.

"Hey, I didn't just get the job because of my sister did I?" Alex asked him.

"No, it was because you have a nice rack," Hank replied. "Good work everyone," Hank said while leaving a speechless Alex behind.

Kara flew around Metropolis in full view of everyone in the city. "Earth doesn't have just one hero anymore. Now it has me and I'm about to open a can of whoop-ass on some alien evil-doers."


Meanwhile, in a dark command center General Astra, the twin sister of Alura and aunt of Kara was given a report by one of her officers. "Vartox is dead, killed by your own niece," he said.

"She must be killed. No one can stand in our way," Gen. Astra replied coldly.

"What if she could be turned?" her commander suggested.

"Yes…yes, she could be a great asset," Gen. Astra allowed. "Can it be done?"

"She will join us or die," he replied.