A/N: Set after SR. Italics are memories.

Disclaimer: I do not own Alex Rider.

It was a relief to lock himself in his fourth floor bedroom in the silent Victorian-style house, the Pleasures' home. After Alex had finished his mission in Cairo a month and a half ago, he had moved to San Francisco to live with the Pleasures, his new adoptive family. During the past year, he had become friends with Sabina Pleasure when he was a ball boy at Wimbledon and soon met her parents, Edward and Liz Pleasure. They kept in touch even after the events on Air Force One. Now, the day he arrived in San Francisco was still fresh in his mind.

He had spent the last week in England in an MI6 manor house before Edward Pleasure had come to take him to America for a fresh start. Surprisingly, Mrs. Jones had arranged everything, even a permanent visa, and Alan Blunt had put up little resistance. Perhaps they finally found their conscience when it came to him. The head of the Special Operations division of MI6 certainly had more humanity left in her than the chief executive of the same division. This new legal guardian arrangement was a far cry from the days when Blunt and Jones would blackmail him with his housekeeper's expiring visa to get him to work for them. Thinking back, maybe it would've been better if he had never succumbed to the blackmail. Jack, his guardian and surrogate sister, would've been alive and back in America with her parents if he had just let her go when his uncle died instead of taking the mission in exchange for her permanent visa. He would've had to live in an institution with no one who truly cared about him, at the mercy of MI6 without anyone to help him pick up the pieces, but at least he wouldn't have lost her in one of the most violent ways possible. There wasn't even a body left to bury. With the loss of his guardian, he had shut down and become listless. There was a dead look in his serious brown eyes. It was like a part of him had died in Egypt. He barely ate or slept. He couldn't look at himself in the mirror. He spoke little and even when he spoke, it was only to reply to a question directed at him with one word answers. This was how Edward Pleasure found him when he picked him up from the manor house. But even only after two days spent with Edward, it was plain for all to see that Alex had improved a bit.

When they landed at the airport in America, they were quickly ushered through security by men in cheap suits and lead into a secure room. Joe Byrne, the deputy director of operations in the Covert Action section of the CIA, was already in the room and gestured for them to sit down across from him.

"What's going on? Who are you?" Edward asked, eyeing Byrne warily. Alex had remained silent.

"Alex knows who I am and who I work for. I am only here to deliver a message." Byrne replied calmly, continuing to examine Alex as if looking for something.

"Alex?" Edward questioned apprehensively.

After another minute, Alex broke the tense silence.

"What's the message?"

"How are you, Alex?" Bryne countered. "The last time I saw you, it seemed like you were operating on autopilot."

Alex studied Byrne for a moment before quietly saying, "I'm fine." He hesitated and then added, "I just need time."

Bryne nodded and seemed to come to a decision. "I understand that you probably never want to see anyone from the intelligence community again and that you're out of the field. For what it's worth, I want to tell you that I'm sorry you were thrown into the world of espionage. And at such a young age too. Blunt should never have used you." Alex snorted at this but Byrne continued. "I should never have agreed to Blunt lending your services to us in the beginning. But sometimes, I don't regret it because you prevented a nuclear disaster among many other things. I hope you're proud of all that you've achieved this past year."

He paused and pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and pushed it towards Alex. "This is a direct line to me. If you ever need help, you can call. Since you've taken out another Scorpia operation, I've placed some agents to keep an eye on you for a couple of months, just in case. Even though MI6 has issued a warning with the same deal as last time, some rogue Scorpia agents could still come after you. This is the least I could do after all you've done for us. For the world. Now, go be an ordinary schoolboy like you always wanted to be." Alex nodded, accepting Byrne's efforts. At this point, Byrne stood up so Alex and Edward did the same. They shook hands and left the airport.

Alex shook himself out of the memory and sighed. He had been living with the Pleasures for 6 weeks now and they treated him like family. While he appreciated all they'd done for him, he couldn't help feeling like he didn't belong. The Pleasures walked on eggshells around him, like they thought he would break at the mention of Jack or anything else from his past life. It was annoying that they thought he was fragile. It was also tiring to act like the past year hadn't happened when he was around them. This was why it was such a relief to be locked in his bedroom now, his sanctuary from keeping up the fa?ade. They were at a party that Edward had been invited to as a successful journalist. The talk had turned to the latest news on the Chinese triads' activities. Something about an arms deal. He didn't mind, was even interested, but the Pleasures had frozen for a moment and tried to turn the conversation to some inane topic. He became frustrated so he made his excuses, saying he was tired, and went back to the Pleasures' house by himself.

Even though he had improved over the last 6 weeks, he knew the Pleasures worried about him. His eyes had a spark of life in them now, he was eating more, and he made more conversation but he was still quieter than he should be. At school, he was still listless, going through the motions and doing homework but not really putting in the effort and his grades reflected that. He hadn't made any friends. Sabina had tried introducing him to her friends but they were too nosy and immature, even going so far as to make it a contest between themselves to see who could get him to reveal the most about himself. The other students at Elmer E. Robinson High School called him a loser even while being scared of looking into his eyes. For they were eyes that had seen too much, more than anyone in their lifetime should see, much less a 15 year old boy. They were a hardened soldier's eyes. At night, he would get 4 to 5 hours of sleep before he woke up in a silent scream from a nightmare. It was usually about Jack's death. Sometimes, Sayle, Grief, Sarov, Cray, Rothman, Drevin, Ash, McCain, or Razim would make an appearance. Other times, Julius would also be there and it was those nights that he would spend the next hour vomiting into the toilet over what he'd done and avoiding mirrors for the rest of the day for fear of seeing the surgically altered clone in his reflection.

A door slammed somewhere in the house and he groaned. It was time to build up the fa?ade again and face the Pleasures.

"Alex!" Liz Pleasure called out worriedly. She came to knock on his door. "Are you alright?"

Alex opened the door and gave her a small smile. "Yes, I'm fine. Just a little tired." She looked at him as if unsure whether or not to say the next thing on her mind. To ease her worries, he added, "I think I'll go for a walk tomorrow."

"Will you take Sabina? I'm sure she'd like to spend some time out of the house with you."

"Sure," he acquiesced while internally sighing.