Trigger Warning

In spite of Healer Knits's intense persuasion and the reassurance of the dreamless sleep potion, Tansy couldn't bear the idea of succumbing to sleep once more; she was sure that the moment she closed her eyes, the thing would be waiting for her in the darkness. Being force-fed a potion by two Healers was not pleasant and, even as it was happening, Tansy chided herself because she should've realised that it would end like this. Tansy felt her mind becoming woolly around the edges and her knees gave way.

'There it is.' She felt herself being caught and then carried over to the bed. Someone laid her down and covered her with one of the cardboard stiff hospital blankets. Try as she might, she couldn't keep her eyes open. The more she fought against it, the stronger the darkness fought back.

'It's okay, Miss Laverstock. Stop fighting it. Let go now.' She felt Healer Knits's hand on her shoulder and, finally, stopped fighting and let herself sink into the darkness.


The intense pain in her bladder woke her. It felt as though she'd been asleep for several hours but the corridor outside her small room was still in darkness. Without a clock or a watch, it was impossible to tell the time. Tansy stumbled over to the bathroom to use the toilet. Then, realising that she wouldn't get back to sleep now without another dose of the potion, she slipped off her clothes and got into the shower. The hot water calmed her and helped to clear her head.

'When a patient gets up this early by themselves, you really should question whether or not they actually took their sleeping potion last night.'

Tansy jumped horribly and swung round, reaching for a towel to cover herself with. She lost her balance on the slippery porcelain and crashed to the floor, whimpering as her arm struck the side of the bath on her way down. Her earlier feeling of calm immediately vanished as her anxiety spiked. The oxygen in the room seemed to diminish.

A woman in lime green Healer's scrubs and two male Healers in Training, identifiable by their slightly darker green scrubs, had come into the bathroom, their footsteps masked by the sound of the running water. None of them looked familiar.

'Miss Laverstock, there was no need to overreact.' The Healer had a slightly nasal, authoritarian type of voice. Biting back another whimper, Tansy tried to sit up and cover herself before the men could see her.

'Lie still, Miss Laverstock.' The Healer crossed over to the bath and waved her wand over Tansy. She frowned at the results. 'You've broken your wrist. I'm Healer Stone and this is HIT Blythe and HIT Williams.' She turned to the two Healers in Training, ignoring the young witch, who had started to hyperventilate. Panic filled Tansy's body as she struggled to lift herself out of the bath with her one good hand. Fog was starting to fill her mind and she was losing the battle against it.

'I'm going to mend the bone. I'm also going to draw blood – it should tell us if she's skipped her potion or not…'

'Um Healer Stone, is she alright?' Healer in Training Williams asked, looking worriedly at Tansy, who had succeeded in sitting herself up and had now drawn her knees into her chest and had started to cry, rocking gently backwards and forwards.

'She's fine. We startled her and she overreacted. Up you get now, Miss Laverstock.' Her tone was beyond patronising and she forced Tansy to get to her feet and propelled her into the bedroom in front of her, still naked, and now sobbing uncontrollably.

'Um, would you like a towel, Miss Laverstock?' HIT Blythe asked, looking uncomfortable.

'Don't worry about that, Healer in Training Blythe – you will soon see that nakedness is just another part of the job here on the mind ward.' But the young wizard had already wrapped the towel around Tansy's shaking shoulders and she grabbed hold of it with her good hand and held on tightly, refusing to let the Healer pull it away. The Healer sighed irritably and pushed her down on the bed.

'Let me see your wrist, Miss Laverstock.' Without waiting for consent, she forcibly extended Tansy's hand, ignoring the way the girl cringed away and tapped it smartly with the point of her wand. There was a sound like a gunshot and a flash of white-hot pain and the break healed itself. The Healer then turned the girl's arm over and used her wand to extract a vial of blood from the crook of her elbow.

'Well, I can see why you're in here, with those scars,' the Healer commented, letting go at last. Tansy snatched her arm back. 'Self-harm scars,' she informed the two Healers in Training. 'Later when she's less distressed we'll check her over for self-harm.' She turned back to Tansy, who was still crying uncontrollably. 'Stop crying now, it's all better. You need to get dressed.' She turned away and walked out of the door.

Tansy gulped once and then dropped her face into her hands and let herself break into a storm of crying. Slowly, the panic and fear flooding her body diminished and something else started to creep through her in their place, something hotter and fierier until she felt totally consumed by hatred and anger at the woman. When she finally managed to pull herself together, she realised that one of the Healers in Training was standing in the doorway, a covered dish balanced on the tip of his wand. He placed the tray on the table and then turned to her.

'I'm sorry, Miss Laverstock. She's a bit brusque. She doesn't normally work on this ward.' He turned and left, leaving Tansy alone to get dressed and eat.

Tansy threw on a pair of black leggings and a long-sleeved top and her favourite Weasley jumper. The comfort clothes made her feel calmer but her insides were still too churned up to eat so she sat on her bed instead and tried to concentrate on breathing slowly and calmly. It was hard because she couldn't seem to get a handle on her anxiety now that it was stirred up but she finally managed to get her breathing under control after an hour of hard work.

The morning passed slowly and torturously – because of the events of the previous day, Tansy was not allowed visitors so she spent morning visiting hours playing exploding snap with one of the Healer's in Training. She was then scheduled for a session of mind control to help her prevent unconscious magic but it was cancelled due to the specialist calling in sick and there not being a replacement available on a Sunday. Lunchtime heralded the return of Healer Stone, who immediately managed to rekindle Tansy's anxiety to such a point that she was too worked up to touch her lunch. She stared miserably at the food, dreading the afternoon therapy session, which was to be taken by Healer Stone. Then, recognising the fact that her breathing had started to become erratic again, Tansy left the table and crossed over to her bag of belongings which still lay unpacked on the floor at the end of the bed. Tansy still hadn't accepted that she was here to stay and unpacking had felt too final. That morning, she had reached in for a pair of warm socks, because the linoleum was cold on her bare feet, and a picture of baby Hope had fallen out. On the back, in her adoptive mother's handwriting was written:

Tansy, we are fighting for you. Don't lose hope. I love you.

Now, she started at the picture of her daughter, smiling slightly as the baby yawned and blinked up at the camera. She missed her so much already and it hadn't even been a full day.

'Have you finished?' Tansy's inner peace shattered and she looked up quickly to see that the Healer and the two HITs tailing her were back. Tansy quickly looked down and shrugged, refusing to meet her eyes. 'You need to eat something; you're like a walking skeleton and you didn't touch your breakfast.' Out of the corner of her eye, Tansy saw her turn to the two Healers in Training. 'Eating disorders are on the rise among teenage witches. I will recommend that she is put on a course of potions and possibly a tube feed if she still refuses food.'

Tansy felt her breathing catching again as her anxiety flooded back. Once again, the anxious, panicky tears, that this woman seemed to conjure so easily, brimmed in her eyes. She saw the Healers in Training exchanging uncomfortable looks.

'Right, follow me, Miss Laverstock. I'm running a bit late. There are a few things we need to get through before my shift ends.' Healer Stone pointed her wand at the wall and a door appeared out of thin air. Hesitantly, Tansy followed her through into a small therapy room with two sofas opposite each other. There was a low table between them on which stood a jug and two glasses of water and in one corner, a large fish tank stretched from floor to ceiling, filled with brightly coloured fish.

'Have a seat, Miss Laverstock,' the Healer pointed to the lower of the two sofas and Tansy reluctantly walked over to it and sat down. The two HITs took seats behind her, where they could observe the session without distracting her. Tansy thought it was almost more distracting because the fact that she couldn't see them was making her even more nervous.

'I've been looking at your file, Miss Laverstock. You were admitted yesterday afternoon because you attacked a patient. Last night you also attacked two Healers and three HITs. Do you really think that that is acceptable behaviour?' Tansy looked down at her hands, avoiding looking at the other woman. The Healer sighed loudly.

'If you won't speak to me, how do you think I can help you to get better? It's a bit attention seeking at your age wouldn't you say?' Tansy continued staring at her hands, not moving a muscle. The fog had been hovering at the edges of her mind all day and now, for the first time in her life, Tansy stopped fighting it and allowed it to overpower her mind, filling her ears with white noise so that she couldn't hear Healer Stone's voice. It wasn't until she felt a hand shaking her shoulder vigorously that she snapped back to reality.

'Honestly, how do you expect to get well again if you don't even bother to listen?' The Healer demanded, moving back to her chair. 'Time's up.' Still not quite fully aware of the situation, Tansy took a few seconds to realise what this meant and then immediately felt relief coursing through her. 'Clearly you have no desire to get well, Miss Laverstock. I'll have to put a note on your file advising an extended section.' Tansy felt her earlier feelings of hatred and anger bubbling up again but she kept her eyes downcast, knowing that she couldn't speak to this woman to plead her case.

'Right, back to your room.' Relieved that the session was over, Tansy followed the Healer back though the door and into her bedroom. The two Healers in Training filed in behind her and the door vanished. 'I'm going to leave you here with Healer in Training Blythe as I have to go and hand over to Healer Knits.' Feeling slightly weak at the knees with relief and hoping never to see Healer Stone again, Tansy crossed over to the bed.

'One last thing – I should've done it this morning but you were being difficult. I'm obliged to check you over to make sure that you haven't self-harmed at all. Tansy felt heat rushing to her face but she stepped forward, desperately not wanting to hinder Healer Stone's departure in anyway. She pulled up the sleeves of her Weasley jumper and showed the witch her arms.

'I'm going to need to see all of you, Miss Laverstock.' Tansy remembered back to her previous stay on the mind ward and remembered the full body checks she'd been subject to. Panic flooded her body and her heart immediately started galloping in her chest at the thought of removing her clothes in front of strangers.

'Can you take off your clothes?' Tansy shook her head numbly and started backing away from the Healer.

'Have you got something to hide? Have you self-harmed today? I need to see it so I can treat it.' Tansy shook her head again and backed herself into a corner. 'This doesn't have to be difficult, Miss Laverstock but if you don't cooperate, I'm going to have to use my wand. It's necessary that you get the first aid you require.' The Healer advanced, her wand outstretched and Tansy pressed herself into the corner. Suddenly and violently, she was thrown into a memory of Lucius Malfoy approaching her across the dungeon floor, his wand outstretched, taunting her as he vanished her clothes, piece by piece.

'Um Healer Stone, I don't think this is appropriate…' Healer in Training Blythe began but he trailed off at a look from the Healer. Tansy snapped back to reality as her chest tightened and her head started to swim; there was no oxygen in this room – she was suffocating.

'Last chance, Miss Laverstock. No?' The Healer flicked her wand at Tansy and the girl's clothes vanished.

Suddenly, the air was cold and the walls around her were stone instead of plaster. The only light came from a smoky candle filled brazier mounted high on one wall. Lucius Malfoy flicked his wand towards her, vanishing the threadbare robes she'd been wearing. Tansy felt her knees give way and fell to the stone floor, flattening herself against it as he approached her and stopped before her.

'Are you ready Laverstock?' He smiled wolfishly at her and reached out a hand to stroke her hair back out of her face. His hand cupped her head and then tightened on a fistful of hair. Tansy squirmed and then flung her head back against the wall behind her, trying to free herself from his grasp. 'I said, are you ready?' His voice distorted slightly and Tansy heard another voice but she couldn't make out who was speaking because they were alone in the dungeon.

'Calm down Miss Laverstock. Stop overreacting.'

Malfoy's face swam before her as he reached towards her again. Tansy flung herself sideways and away from him, landing on her hands and knees on the floor. Her left hand came down on something sharp – it felt like a flat metal blade of some sort.

'Put it down, Laverstock.' He was coming towards her, his wand outstretched in his right hand, his left swiftly unbuttoning the lower half of his robes. Tansy knew that he would disarm her and then it would begin again. She couldn't stop him.

She would rather die than let him hurt her again.

Swiftly, Tansy drew the blade across her wrist. Once. Twice. Three times.

Everything stopped; for half a heartbeat, Tansy felt as though she was suspended in mid-air. Then the pain hit her and she snapped back to reality – she was back in the hospital room and Healer Stone and both of the HITs were looking at her in horror.

'Expelliarmus!' Healer Stone sent a disarming spell towards Tansy. A shield of bright, pulsating light burst out of the young witch and the spell rebounded, sending the Healer staggering into one of the HITs. An alarm started blaring. Tansy dropped the blade and lifted up her hands to cover her ears. One of her hands didn't seem to be working properly. She was starting to feel dizzy.

'Miss Laverstock, you need to stop projecting! You need first aid and we can't help you.' HIT Williams had dropped into a crouch as close to her as he dared. Tansy tried to focus on him, tried to calm her breathing and get hold of herself so that she could do as he asked.

'Stupefy!' The burst of red light rebounded off the shield and the HIT dropped to the floor unconcious. Tansy flattened herself against the wall, her hands searching for the blade again so she had something to protect herself with.

There was a commotion in the doorway as two other people rushed into the room.

'Healer Stone, what's going on?' Even in the depths of her intense panic, Tansy recognised Healer Knits's voice even though she couldn't make out her face through the projected shield charm. The Healer didn't wait for an explanation; both her and her companion immediately approached Tansy.

'Miss Laverstock, calm down now. You need to stop projecting.'

'Careful Aspen, she's insane. She just went mad! She's sliced her wrist pretty badly.' Tansy tensed at the sound of Healer Stone's nasal voice and the shuddering shield around her intensified and started sending out sparks.

'She didn't just go mad; she started having a panic attack when you said you wanted her to take off her clothes.' Healer in Training Blythe said distinctly. 'Then she lost it completely when you vanished her clothes. I think she was hallucinating. It didn't look like she was seeing us at all.'

'You vanished her clothes? Merlin's beard Mikala, have you even read her file?' Healer Douglas asked, joining Healer Knits beside Tansy. His normally jovial voice was sober.

'She needed first aid. I stand by my decisions.'

'We can deal with this later. Miss Laverstock, you need to stop projecting. I can't help you unless you stop projecting. You need medical assistance.' Healer Knits dropped to her knees beside Tansy. 'We just want to help you, Miss Laverstock. You trusted me yesterday. I just want to help you.' She repeated, her tone urgent.

'Come on Miss Laverstock, that's enough already.' Anxiety flashed through Tansy's body again and she heard both of the other Healers raising their voices in protest. The shouting was doing nothing to help her to calm down. The voices seemed to meld over and under one another until it was hard to work out who was saying what.

'We need her to stop projecting or she's going to bleed out.'

'I'm aware of that Duncan.'

'Beats me how she got the scalpel.'

'It was on the floor under the cupboard. Clearly she put it there.'

'Can't have done Mikala; she only came in yesterday and her things were searched. Must've been hidden under there by another patient.'

'Miss Laverstock, try to focus now.'

Tansy was getting more and more dizzy and the conversation was becoming harder to follow. Healer Knits started to talk to her again but her voice was fading in and out and Tansy couldn't focus on what she was saying. She shook her head to clear it and a snatch of the conversation reached her.

'I agree it isn't protocol, Mikala but what do you suggest? That we let her bleed out? Duncan just go!'

There was an interval during which Tansy struggled not to pass out and then there was another voice speaking to her.

'Tansy, it's okay. I'm here now. No one is going to hurt you. You're safe. Calm down now.' Fred's voice, thick with tears, cut through Tansy's confusion and she finally relaxed. The shuddering shield around her flickered once and then faltered.


I can almost feel the hatred towards Healer Stone. Unfortunately Healer Stone is based on the worst medical practitioner I ever came across when I was having a mental health crisis years and years ago.