Cause I got issues,

You got 'em too,

So give 'em all to me,

and I'll give mine to you.

Late afternoon, The Village - Connor McKinley

I could feel my anxiety increasing despite myself - Elders had gone missing before but never for this long, and never with that General Butt Effing Naked guy on the loose. I hurried from villager to villager, but none of them had any idea where Elder Price (or the 'tall white boy' as he was more affectionately known) had disappeared off to.

"Excuse me, madam, I can see that you're very busy" the aged woman glared up at me and continued to disembowel the large rat she held in her rough fingers "but do you know where Kevin Price is?" I smiled down at her expectantly.

"Who the fuck is Kevin Price?" She spat on the floor beside her and continued working.

Unfazed by this, I carried on "he's uh... tall, dark hair..." I could feel myself gesticulating stupidly with my hands but I didn't care "He is wearing a white shirt and a tie?" I realised that at this point, I had just described half of the Missionaries. "Oh!" I just remembered something "he told you all about Joseph Smith and the Mormons"

"Oh..." She was enunciating her words with the bloody knife that was held loosely in her hand "that white boy..." the woman seemed to think for a short moment "no, I haven't seen him"

I exhaled deeply - this was probably the twentieth encounter that had run exactly like this and my patience was running very low. I felt desperate and needed at least something so I knew that Kevin hadn't been eaten by lions or hyenas or God knows what else.

"Are you sure? I just really really have to find him" I stuttered in a rare lapse of control.

"Well, if you're really that desperate, my daughter - she said she saw a white boy earlier, might be the one you're looking for"

"Oh, yes, tell me exactly what she said" my eyes brightened as I leaned in towards the woman.

"She told me she saw the white boy stumbling along over there" she pointed a bloody finger over to the distance and I craned my neck to see where she was pointing "she..." the woman began to chuckle "she said it was very funny... he looked to be in pain - hobbling along like a donkey someone hasn't shot yet"

"Thank you so much!" I squealed, my excitement at her description of who could only be Elder Price overrided my concern at what state I would find him in - the woman's description hadn't filled me with confidence but at least I knew that he was alive.

I set off at a brisk walk towards the dreary marketplace she had indicated, my arms swinging jovially by my sides. I felt my usual inoffensive grin plaster itself onto my face as I passed countless villagers, most unresponsive or even hostile towards my cheery waves and helloes - this wasn't out of the ordinary but it was missionary policy that we must be as amicable as possible to the locals. If there's one thing that the Church has taught me, it's how to act as if nothing is wrong. I picked up the pace as I entered the market, it would take me ages to search it all and I didn't want to risk Elder Price moving on before I found him and made sure he was safe.

"Elder Price?" I called loudly, rushing between stalls and shops as my eyes darted from side to side, getting more frantic by the second "Elder Price!" I shrieked finally, my hands flying to my mouth as I took the scene before me. He was sat at a stall that announced 'Kafe' in bright letters, dangerously close to falling off the stool that I could already imagine had three legs of different lengths. His uniform was disheveled, his tie loose and his shirt untucked - he was the very picture of depression and hopelessness and I felt a sudden affinity with the young man as I noticed the dozen or so empty cups that surrounded him.

"Connor?" He slurred, squinting up at me through the dark hair which lay strewn across his face. I had to admit that I preferred it this way.

Walking tentatively closer to him, I said quietly "How are you?" I held a finger up to stop him speaking for a moment "and don't say that you're fine, because you're not - believe me when I say I know what it means when an elder has twelve cups of coffee"

"It's just..." he exhaled sharply, shamelessly dodging my question "this all isn't how it's meant to be, you know"

I pushed down the thrill of excitement that Kevin, by far the most cynical and detached Elder I've known was finally opening up to me, and I settled for a softly sympathetic face "tell me about it"

"I've always tried my hardest, read the Book to the point I can quote it, been so... nice to everybody" he scoffed bitterly "and this is how I'm rewarded - with zero progress and a book up the ass from that Butt Effing Naked guy"

I assumed that last one was an expression and hoped I was correct.

"We have had some progress, Elder Price" my face brightened slightly with the prospect that my news might cheer him up "we've baptised ten whole people"

He smiled wryly "ten" he brought a plastic cup to his lips and drained it, noticeably wincing at the bitterness. "That's got to be the most out of any Mission in Africa"

"Yes, I'm sure it is" I said unenthusiastly, collapsing into a seat next to Kevin.

"Wait, what is it?" His brow was furrowed and his eyes were soft and warm.

"You didn't answer my question" I took a sip of my companion's coffee and shuddered at the familiar bitterness, for me it was a taste that had always been tied to the low times, to the times that it felt like God had given up on me. I shook my head slightly to return myself to the present and leaned in towards Elder Price "how are you?"

"I'm-" he started dismissively.

"And don't you dare say fine" I cut him off, and he sighed and looked defeated, propping his head up on an elbow and meeting my eyes sincerely.

"I feel like I'm not good enough, like I'm not as good of a missionary or even a person as everyone thinks I am" he spoke carefully, as if selecting each word carefully in the fashion of one not used to sharing their emotions.

"That's not true" I reached a hand forward and rested it on his thigh "you're good enough for Elder Cunningham, for Nabalungi, for the Elders" I said quickly, expecting him to chastise me or rebuke me as he had done countless times in the past "and Kevin, you're good enough for me" this I said with meaning, praying that he would understand the significance of my words.

He didn't flinch at my touch as he usually did, instead he seemed to lean into it as his breathing became slowly steadier and his shoulders relaxed.

"You don't need to lie to me" he said quietly with a small smile, his eyes shut but his fingers tapping against his thigh in the way they did when he was nervous "especially about that last one" he murmured as an afterthought.

Looking at his sharp features, his dark hair, my mind began to wander. Elder Price was different to the other missionaries - he seemed more radical, more rebellious, and from our many conversations together as we walked through the village I'd learned that we also shared a similar sense of humour (what we laughed over was dry, subtle, quite unlike the juvenile comments and references to Poptarts that passed for wit in the Mission headquarters).

"You're right" I conceded, bowing my head and raising a hand to the back of my neck "because being gay is bad but lying is worse" I sung quietly, eliciting a pained grin from us both.

"Do you ever find it hard to turn it off?" He asked me after a moment, lifting brown eyes that were full of emotion.

"Every second of every day" I said softly, shifting uncomfortably in my seat "I get the Hell Dream too, you know, every night"

"Oh my gosh, Connor, I can't even begin to imagine what that's like"

"It doesn't matter, this isn't about me" I smiled without humour, sheepishly moving my hand up and down Kevin's leg. He shivered at my touch, his breath caught in his throat.

"It's not right" he breathed, doing nothing to stop me.

"What?"

"This," he made desperate eye contact with me and I felt my stomach flutter beneath his gaze, "You shouldn't be making me feel like this"

I leaned close to him, so that my chin was resting on his shoulder and my lips were millimetres from his ear.

"Like what?" I whispered - I wanted to make him say it. My words had their intended effect as he let out a shuddering gasp that was music to my ears.

He curved a sure hand around my waist, and I pulled my head back, to be caught in his devastating gaze.

"Like I want to..." his eyes roamed my face, settling on my lips "do this"

He pulled me into a kiss, it was soft and shy, as if he expected me to throw him off at any moment.

When we pulled apart after a moment that was too long and too short, I let out a shaky moan, and looked into his eyes. He seemed... afraid, his eyes wide and dilated and his breath quick. Without skipping a beat, and with my inner monologue screaming profanities at me, I brought my lips to his, savouring how quick and forbidden it all was.

He prised my lips open with his own and I let the kiss deepen, become more desperate, more frantic. I don't think he knew how long I'd waited for this moment, how many times I'd dreamt of this encounter, which always descended into the Hell Dream without fail. I ran my fingers through his dark hair, eliciting a deep groan as I pulled it gently.

"Connor" he repeated quietly whenever we broke apart for air. I didn't care that we were in public, I didn't care that ten new villagers were certified homophobes, all of my attention was focused on Kevin and the way his confident arms were wrapped around me.

We broke apart panting after a long while, still wrapped in a tight embrace and now locked in an intense gaze. I smirked playfully up at him and his deep chuckle made me feel quite faint. I could still taste the coffee on his breath and I loved it, he bit his lip seductively and brought his head lower, bending down to compensate for his height. I could feel his breath, see the lust deep in his eyes as he cupped the back of my head and brought it upwards. I took a shuddering breath, anticipation driving me crazy. He closed his eyes and tilted his head, his full lips parted as he met them with mine.

"Live and let live, that's my motto" a voice boomed, terrifying the living daylights out of myself and Kevin. We pulled apart with a shocked gasp, turning to face the source of this exclamation.

An old man, wearing a soiled apron, was stood across the counter a few feet away from us, wiping a cup with a dirty rag and grinning inanely. Oblivious to the expression on our faces, his eyes travelled back and forth between us, his best see? I'm not a homophobe grin on his face.

Breathing heavily and with by hand over my chest to ensure I hadn't in fact had a heart attack, I turned back to Kevin, who had recovered from the fright considerably better than I had. He wore a disbelieving scowl and looked as if he had just been shit upon from high.

He met my eyes almost apologetically and swivelled in his seat to face the well-meaning yet irritating old man, and spoke incredulously "who the heck does that? The f-?!"

I dove towards him, pressing my lips ferverently against his, partially to block his profanity but mostly because the interruption had left me unspeakably impatient. His wonky stool began to overbalance and I caught us both with a quick hand on the splintered counter. Without breaking contact, we righted ourselves and I wrapped a hand around his waist, moaning quietly as I felt him tug on my hair.

After an impolite amount of time I mustered my last sliver of self-control and pulled back, realising that I had risen out of my seat in my eagerness to be as close to Kevin as possible.

"Sorry" I giggled, noticing that he was leaning dangerously backwards in his seat, gripping the counter fiercely to maintain his equilibrium.

"Don't be" he grinned, breathing heavily and visibly taken aback by my forwardness.

I could sense that the old man had long since departed, but it wouldn't make any difference to the desire filled expression on my face as I kept my eyes fixed on Kevin. I gazed longingly at his soft lips, my tongue tracing my own thoughtfully. A smirk grew across my face as I looked at the tall Elder, for once he seemed truly alive, his expression was the picture of exhilaration and the confidence in breaking rules that I wish I saw in myself.

"I guess God has a way of making things work out..." Kevin said tentatively, and my breath hitched when I felt his long fingers take a hold of mine, and was embarrassing surprised that this was the first time I'd held hands with... well, anyone, let alone a boy, and let alone Kevin Price.

"Do-" I coughed awkwardly "do you want to head back to the Mission now?" I barely whispered, bringing his bony hand up to brush against my lips. He shivered wonderfully at this, and closed his eyes dreamily.

"Give me a moment" he murmured, his eyes fluttering open to meet mine. Then, more delicately and sensitively than ever before, he pressed his lips to mine in a chaste but meaningful kiss. I knew it was meant to be casual, low-key, but that message clearly hadn't arrived at my heart, which was beating uncontrollably in my chest.

"I think I'm ready to go now" Kevin said eventually from beneath hooded eyes, uncharacteristicly peaceful and calm. Unfortunately that tranquility was unlikely to last - this sheltered euphoria couldn't last forever. Before long we would need to return to the Mission and face the other Elders, we would have to lie. It couldn't be that bad, since I'm not exactly out of practice when it comes to telling people I'm straight, but Kevin - this whole encounter had the potential to turn his life upside down. If it is even possible, he was of more conservative stock than me - the sort of mildly racist folk who would not so much disown a gay son but hang, draw and quarter him.

I sighed heavily, these were concerns for the future, and he and Kevin were trapped in a timeless moment - free of concerns, anxieties and worries. And, as I wrapped my free hand slowly around his waist, I decided to allow the moment to go on for forever (or else a poetic equivalent of it, namely around ten minutes).

Hope you enjoyed this one shot, certainly had a lot of fun writing it - don't forget to comment, like and follow, really motivates me to work and I've already started a sequel to this that I'm sure you're all going to love ;)

Thanks for reading - GN x