Lapse Part III

"You look as though you haven't slept?" Elliot remarked, a dangerous move this early in the morning. "Is everything alright?"

"Mm?" She re-entered the world of the present, glancing at her rotund friend as he entered their office and unloaded his satchel, snacks and paraphernalia onto his already congested desk. Her chest tightened at the mere sight of such a mess. "Oh, yes, fine. I, uh, I just had a long night, that's all."

"I thought you would have been more rested, that was your first night without Grace in over two months wasn't it?" He beamed, his wiry beard framing his smile sweetly as he sat down. "You should feel positively rejuvenated."

"That's not quite the word I would use to describe it." She glanced back at her computer screen, a sentence desperately trying to force it's way through her lips as she held her breath in anticipation of it actually hitting the air between them. "Actually, Sam had a bit of a rough night with her." Her eyes danced across her desk, not wanting to catch Elliot's gaze but she needed to. She had to witness his reaction, to know whether or not she should be concerned for the father of her child. She desperately didn't want to go snooping and check up on him behind his back but she was worried. "He called me at around midnight, he couldn't get her to settle."

"Ah, his first overnight stay. I suppose he was probably just a little nervous." The older man concluded whilst unwrapping what looked to be a Cornish pasty. "I remember when we brought James home for the first time." He smiled at the memory. "We were absolutely terrified, I recall wishing that he'd come with an instruction book."

"Wouldn't that be ideal." She smiled too before it faded and her mind was deep in thought again. "You tried to tell me about his cancer yesterday, didn't you?" Her soft question packed quite a punch but it was asked in the most delicate fashion.

"So he's spoken to you about it then?" His enquiry was rhetoric, he already knew the answer. The room stilled as she tried to gather her next words.

"How bad is it?"

"I honestly couldn't tell you." His apologetic eyes told her that he wasn't deceiving her. "All I know is the type of cancer it is, other than that he's been rather private about it."

"Well, you know as much as I do then." Their eyes met as she inhaled shakily. "He was talking very negatively last night, I just want to be sure he has some sort of support system around him." Her tone changed quickly, not enjoying the soppy look he was giving her. He could literally read her like a book. She didn't like him noticing the genuine care she held for the man who fathered her a child.

"Connie, he's Grace's father. Nobody can blame you for feeling concerned for his wellbeing." He smiled. "It's a perfectly normal response." Setting his pasty down, she was alerted to how seriously he was taking this chat. He lay his food down for nobody. "I can assure you, he has the support he needs here with his doctors, his friends and his colleagues."

"No, no you're right." She nodded quickly, wishing for no more talk on the matter. He was growing mushy and she didn't appreciate the feelings she was experiencing as a result. "I think it was just the initial shock of finding out."

"He'll get through this, he's stronger than we give him credit for." He picked up his pasty again, tucking back in whilst Connie's smile faded, her mind deep in thought again.


"Stop beating yourself up about it, Sam." Maria urged sadly. "You've never had her overnight before, it was new to both of you not to mention she's just come back and is still probably getting into a new routine." She rubbed his arm gently from across the small desk top, he'd run her through the events of the evening, mentally kicking himself for having to call Connie out at such a late hour.

"I know, I know." He muttered, rubbing his hands over his own face roughly. "I'm just overthinking every little thing at the moment, I can't stop." Sighing aggressively, he glanced over at her soft, pale features. He was sat comfortably behind his desk in the clinic whilst she sat on the other side as a patient would. There was a lengthy silence before he spoke once more. "I think I might have cock-blocked Connie when I called."

"What?" She laughed, slightly surprised by his comment. He had uttered it seriously but upon hearing her laugh he couldn't help but smile too.

"Don't, Maria. It's not funny."

"What makes you say that?" She asked through a smirk, her eyes positively lit up at the mere sight of him as he spoke. Their friendship had been blossoming for a few weeks now, almost at that crucial moment where they both acknowledged the growing attraction. She was hoping he'd make the first move but was more than ready to make that step if he wouldn't.

"Just the way she looked, I could just...tell. She had that air about her, I can't explain it." He winced, thinking about how annoyed she might have been at the interruption. "Oh God, I hope the ground swallows me up before I have to see her today."

"She was probably just asleep, if anything you pillow-blocked her. That's all. It was her first night without Grace, probably her first full night of sleep."

"No, you don't know Connie. I definitely interrupted something." He shook his head, leaning forward to grab his glass of water.

"As if you'd know! Stop torturing yourself." She smirked again, starting to grab her phone and purse ready to leave. Her lunch break was drawing to a close.

"Of course I would, I've had sex with her, I know how she looks before, during and after." Laughing through his words he only became aware of the silence once she'd stood, her soft giggle no longer hitting his ears. She looked positively broken, a smile being forced onto her face as her eyebrows crunched down towards her eyes.

"Yeah, right, of course." Forcing a breathy laugh out, she stepped away from the desk. "Duh, you have Grace." Her awkwardness really shone through whenever she was uncomfortable, indicating to him that he'd just given her confidence quite a shove. "Maria-moment of the day or what?"

"Maria-"

"Sorry, actually, I'm really late. I need to get back." She started edging towards the door as Sam stood to try and stop her, she was a ball of nervous energy.

"Come out for dinner with me tonight." He blurted it loudly, even shocking himself as the words left his lips. "I mean, if you want to? Sorry, I forgot to word it as a question." He shook his head, his own blundering behaviour quickly putting her at ease.

"Oh right, are you sure?"

"No, that's why I'm asking you." He dead-panned his face at her second-guessing nature before smiling. "Of course I'm sure."

"Okay." She grinned excitedly. "Yeah, yeah, that sounds great. I'll meet you in the entrance once I've knocked off." Pressing her lips together excitedly, she continued to the door. Her elbow catching a shelf of pamphlets as she did so, sending them across the floor with a fluttered crash. "Oh God, I'm so sorry-" Collapsing to the ground she started to gather them all as quickly as she could.

"Maria, it's fine." He joined her swiftly. "I can do this, you go, you're already late." Laughing warmly, he couldn't help but feel a sort of magnetism around her. Despite her clumsiness, she was a literal ray of sunshine. Something he desperately needed at a time like this.


She'd well and truly thrown her detective hat on, as soon as she hit the ward dressed in her scrubs she spoke to the correct people and looked in the right places. In-between theatre slots and assessing patients of course. Her understanding of his current situation was a little more expanded now. One could say it was the medical professional in her, most people wouldn't like to be aware of every single detail due to the unsettling thoughts and feelings they would incur. But Connie needed every last piece of information. Ugly truths and all.

The day was drawing to a close, the night descending upon them again and the cold air biting at every window in the building, desperate to enter the warmth.

"Well, well, well. Her majesty has returned." Michael's American accent positively vibrated through her office. "It's good to see you back here, Connie."

"Mr. Spence, I wish I could say the same to you." She smiled, her sentence said through a kind face yet the words held a sort of questioning anger. She didn't hate him, she just hated his arrogance. For Connie, there was a fine line between confidence and arrogance and she always found Michael to be more on the arrogant side. "And you're still here in Holby after all these weeks."

"Why? Where should I be?" He welcomed himself in, his body language exuding masculinity. She was sat behind her desk, now leaning back in her chair with her head tilted to one side.

"Oh, I don't know, I always just imagined you'd grow tired of being in one place for too long." She licked her lips, knowing too well what she was doing. "There can't be too much left for you to do here, surely you must be getting bored or missing the states."

"What would give you that impression? Yes, I'm a creature of habit, a homebody but I like to settle down in various places and let my roots dig deep." He smiled, eating up every small detail about her and her movements. "There's plenty left for me to do here in England, so many attractions that I still haven't had the privilege of seeing."

"Oh, is that so?" She leant forward, genuine intrigue glinting in her eyes as she watched him nod with a nonchalant expression. "Such as?"

"Well, I don't know." He grazed at his bottom lip with his teeth. "I was hoping maybe you could show me-" A light knock interrupted his inappropriate proposition as Sam stood in the doorway, he'd overheard most of it but still chose to knock on the wide open door out of politeness.

"Sorry to disturb you, I didn't realise you were having a meeting." He glanced from her amused freckled face to Michael's positively lust-struck features as he entered, not at all surprised to find the cosmetic surgeon in here drooling all over her the way he was.

"No, it's fine, it was an impromptu discussion and it's already finished." She sat back comfortably donning a devilish smile, enjoying the sexually frustrated look on Michael's face. Despite another rejection, he was still smirking nefariously. The testosterone levels in the room had spiked as soon as Sam had entered, an unseen battle happening between their pheromones. "Mr. Spence was just leaving."

"Alright, well, the invitation will remain open." He stated casually, not needing to disguise his sexual proposal in front of Sam. He was unbelievable. He gave the sickly registrar a smile before leaving. Desperate to see the back of him, Sam closed the door as soon as he'd stepped out.

"God he's relentless." She sighed, sitting forward again and dropping her act. As much as she didn't want to sleep with the man, she had to admit she loved teasing him. Dangling herself in front of him with no intention of ever letting him have her. She revelled in it.

"I get the impression he won't stop asking anytime soon." Sam stated unfeignedly, stepping further back into the room again.

"He can ask every day for the rest of his life, the answer will continue to be no." She raised her eyebrows in slight disbelief, her gaze only just moving from her computer screen to his exhausted complexion before her. The dark circles beneath his eyes highlighting the overall paleness of his skin and shaved head. He merely smiled at her response before taking a seat gingerly on the sofa opposite her. He could feel her eyes sitting on his increasingly weakening frame whilst he lowered himself into the seat.

"Listen, about last night, I'm sorry I had to call you." He paused, half expecting her to interrupt but she let him continue. "I panicked, she was so distraught. I couldn't just watch her cry like that, it was breaking my heart."

"No, no, you did the right thing, she's still not in a solid routine yet. It'll just take a few weeks to get her settled back in." She reassured gently. "You don't think she's been like that before? She was an absolute nightmare for the initial fortnight in Germany, I don't think I even slept for the first three nights." She licked her lips, still studying his defeated posture. Whilst he could appreciate that she was being so understanding, he couldn't cope with everyone's pitying looks and comments. They were only adding to his frailty. "But how are you feeling? You look a little fatigued."

"Please." He breathed, his eyes meeting hers lazily. "Don't ask me how I am or how I'm feeling, or if I'm okay. I thought I could at least depend on you to be the only one who wouldn't treat me like some sort of delicate flower." He rolled his words out frustratedly, the anger was in no way directed at her but his unfair situation. "I don't think I could cope if you started being nice to me." In spite of his low mood, he still managed to crack a small joke, glancing up at her with a weary smile. "And don't look at me like that either." Remarking on her softened, worried expression he smirked again when she switched back to her resting bitch face before speaking.

"Alright, I hear you." Nodding compassionately, she took his requests on board as best she could.

"Thank you, believe it or not that's not the reason I actually came up here." He leant forward, a serious look on his face. "I want to come back to Darwin-"

"Sam-"

"Please, let me finish." He held his hand up, desperate to get his piece said regardless of her reluctant tone of voice. "The first few weeks of chemo were unbearable, but I'm doing a lot better now. I'm ready to come back upstairs, even if I'm just on light duties. I know my capabilities. Sitting in clinic all day every day is driving me insane."

"As I was going to say, we have a board meeting in the morning." Her sentence halted as her eyes scanned his hopeful face. "I will approach the matter with the board and see what I can do, but that's all I can promise."

"Thank you." He smiled with relief, some colour finally reaching his cheeks as he beamed at the prospect of returning.

"Now, if you're quite finished, I can't sit and listen to you all night long. I have things to do so close the door on your way out." She ceased eye contact, grabbing her desk phone as he stood with a smile and left the room. Her final sentence was a nod to his request for her to continue treating him as she normally would and he was more then grateful for it.

As soon as the door clicked shut, she closed her eyes slowly and pulled the phone from her ear and clutched it to her chest. He looked like a shadow of his former self, the weight loss, the hair loss, his drained appearance. All of it. As for his request to be back up n Darwin, her head was telling her it was an awful idea but at the same time her heart was telling her to fight for it, even just to be able to keep a closer eye on him.

But where should the line be drawn?


"Hey!" She cooed with a shiver, her breath hitting the air and forming a cloud around her features. "I thought you'd stood me up." Watching him approach her, she automatically mimicked his large smile. She'd been waiting for nearly fifteen minutes. Her long ginger hair tucked neatly into her red coat, her Winter look finalised with a white beanie and blue knitted gloves.

"Sorry, I went to speak to Connie." He grinned, looping his arm through hers, oblivious to her change of expression. "She's going to speak to the board tomorrow, I might be able to go back to Darwin." His rapturous manner was dripping with pure elation as they walked towards his car in the nipping cold. She felt her heart drop, her smile faltering as he shared his exhilarating announcement. He was so over the moon that he was oblivious to her quieted reaction.

"Really? That's great, Sam." She paused as they got into the car and out of the cold. "Really, it is and I'm happy for you but don't you think you're rushing in a bit too quickly?"

"I mean, it might not even happen yet but Connie said she'd she'll see what she can do." He rested between his gushing sentences, now noticing her concerned facial expression in the darkened car interior. "I know you worry about me but I need this, I miss cardiothoracics more than I ever thought I would." He comforted. "And if it doesn't work out then I'll go back to clinic, but at least I'll know I tried."

"Right, yeah, of course. Well, fingers crossed you get the answer you want then." She forced a wide smile, not wanting to rain on his parade. As soon as the car started and his attention was on driving, she felt her whole body sigh with worry.

He'd be working with Connie again.